—I NEVER SAID YOU HAD TO OFFER ME A SECOND CHANCE

 

 

…As they say, and it’s true, “Timing is everything.”

 

…It’s no fun when you feel like you’re out there on your own, when no one has your back.

 

…The only jokes I remember, and can retell, might either get me shunned, or put in jail.

 

…I’m convinced racism is taught.

 

…A dead squirrel on your road feels like a bad omen, even if it’s not your fault.

 

…That’s way above my Pay Grade, as most things are.

 

…When you talk about bad luck before the thing has happened or not happened, you’ve already invited bad luck in the door.

 

…Sometimes a chew solves everything. Or at least the small things.

 

…It was only yesterday that I thought I knew you completely. But now it’s today.

 

…All I do, sometimes, is worry about you.

 

…I’m an organ donor, leaving my body to science, and so I’m not sure if I should also carry an apology note inside my wallet.

 

…I was told by a former prosecutor that drug dealers are really hard-workers. I never thought of it that way, but I guess it’s probably true.

 

…Even if it wasn’t really real, it still feels good, all this time later.

 

…When someone offers you, “Sparkling water?” or “Sparkling wine?” the answer should be obvious.

 

…Red is my favorite brand of wine.

 

…When someone stops asking you questions, that should tell you the whole story.

 

…I’m not going to forget, but even the memories will be different.

 

…For a long stretch there, I’d become a cranky bastard and I’m not sure what that means because I’m really not a cranky person, though I very well could be a bastard.

 

…When I’m grouchy, I think to myself, WWSD (“What Would Steve Do?"), and so I do something obnoxious that only irritates me more for having done it.

 

…I petted a dog on the lap of a woman on an airplane the other day and it only made me feel somewhat sad, which is a bit of a victory, right? I mean, I didn't sob or anything, standing right there in the aisle like a stooge.

 

…I know, I know, I know... I need to try more new things. But give me some space. Give me some time, while I still have it.

 

…Sometimes, when the temperature is just perfect, it feels like I could stay in the shower forever. Like I could live, and die, under the spray. (Not a bad way to go.)

 

…I saw a woman wearing a t-shirt that said, I WILL STUFF YOU IN A TRUNK AND HELP PEOPLE LOOK FOR YOU. Yikes. Like, who is ever going to have the balls to date that woman? Travis Kelsey maybe.

 

…It’s almost always not as bad as people make it out to be, but the thing is, you remember those few times when it was worse than they made it out to be, and that's what you cling to.

 

…I know I’m a good person. It’s just that, sometimes, I swim in the cracks, and it looks awfully murky down there, just me and the fishes. 

 

…When life gets hard, the most important thing you need to know is that you aren’t alone. (Sounds like a Public Service Announcement, I know, but it's true.)

 

…Time always wins.

...I still talk to you every day. I hope you can still hear me.