—I’VE SEEN LONELY TIMES WHEN I COULD NOT FIND A FRIEND

 

 https://ghostparachute.com/the-thing-about-loneliness/

 

 

—I CAN BARELY LEAVE THE HOUSE, MOOD IS ALWAYS MOVING SOUTH

 

 

bottom

 

I’ve got

smoke on

the brain

and playing

card eyes

can’t tell

the truth 

when you’re

living a lie

Autumn’s been

the cruelest trick

a stack

of backward

steps you

can’t outrun

and now

a murder

hornet nest

I hope the

moon is

bright and

good to you

cause all

she’s done

is made

me blue

and what

oh what if

time doesn’t

do what it’s

supposed to do

lately feels

like forever

days made

of yarn

and straw

papercuts and

unmade promises

every single flaw

all the awful

dismantling

I can’t take

looking up

at me from

the bottom of

the lake

 

—WHAT IF TIME DOESN’T DO WHAT IT’S SUPPOSED TO DO?

 

prom

 

it’s prom night

and I’m lonely

trying to hug these stars

that don’t know me

wondering about Noelle

and who she’s holding

wrist-corsaged

always tops always golden

I miss her honeysuckle scent

forefinger twirling hair

not that she’s ever noticed

or should need to care

it’s prom night and Mom’s

screaming at the Antichrist again

Sis ain’t talking and

brother’s stuck in ‘Nam

I can’t stop dreaming

that The Dipper knows my name

from here the sky looks bruised

or maybe I mean maimed

it’s prom night

the rental tux is baby blue

trimmed in bold navy

tried it on fourteen times

cried each time such a baby

wrote a poem or

something else

read it out loud to the

bottom shelf

it’s prom night

and I’m growing smaller

though the mirror smirks

and tells me I’m taller

 

 

--I WROTE THAT FOR YOU, NOT FOR ME

 

 Sweet 16 in North Dakota

 

six speeds

on my bike

but I’m stuck

in this camper

butcher knife

beneath the blanket

hair’s too long

feathered like

a f(……) f(..)

they say

puka shells

strangling me like

a bleached rag

f(……) A

gotta run from

the cowboys

they beat the shit

out of gay boys

like me

the only thing

more blue

is wondering why

I’m alive when

I don’t wanna be

saw a triple feature

blonde chick

jumped me

back seat

bra off

hands-free

thought I didn’t

need her

thought I’d

be true

wrote a suicide

note to

my older self

tried to express

some sense of hope

but instead took

my first toke  

figured if it

was meant to be

I’d make it

past sixteen

and meet you

on the other side

so where are

you hiding

 

—NOVEMBER MADE ME CRY, DECEMBER MADE ME SHY

 

 

dolphin play

 

let’s (.…)

under a

waterfall

your skin

slick and

puckered

ready for

the next volt

or crush

I’ll shout

I love you’s

through the roar

while you

tell me to

(….) off again

no need to fight

for a frequency

or court anything

but intimacy

the waves are

going to lull us

salt intake’s going

to swell us

might stay here

til ’21

bury my face

in your chest

like you’re

the only one

(you are)

I’ll braid

your hair

with seaweed

while you steal

my breath

and sole need

let’s catch

this dolphin

see where

it takes us

he’s giggling

so hard

little guy

must have

read my mind

 

—HE DOESN’T LOOK A THINK LIKE JESUS, BUT HE TALKS LIKE A GENTLEMAN, JUST LIKE YOU IMAGINED

 

 

choke

 

got a strange day

in my pocket

all dressed up with

nowhere to go

think I’ll close

the door

and recreate

my own show

find some love

on the screen

not care what

that means

I’ve been

losing sleep

and a grip

trying to shake

the things that

make me sick

couldn’t be a

better man

unless I was

a deader man

woke before

the rooster

and the one

before that

one sad sack

and one bad habit

hope you’re sleeping

like a doll baby

cause I can’t dream

when I’m this crazy

wrote you a song

poured my guts out

tried to sing it

but it only

made me shout

got a strange day

stuck in my throat

trying to swallow

but all I do is choke

trying to wallow

but all I do is choke

all I do is choke

 

—THIS IS THE CLOSEST THING TO CRAZY I HAVE EVER BEEN

 

 

have you seen me

 

when you

called off

the search

the flowers

uprooted or

hung themselves

threw their ratty

luggage on the yard

and thumbed it

out of town

while the sky went

a hideous shade

of brown

left me dizzy as hell

all I hear now

is the rusty clatter

of that warped key

and broken bell

and the days slog on

a lot like hell

even death looks

a little lazy

doing its killing

after dark

camouflaged by infection

and fire smoke

all hazy

and it’s okay I’m just

feeling a little placid

can’t seem to

stomach the rancid

can’t even make it to noon

which is pretty soon

time to drink

I’d rather feel

than think        

thoughts have been

my enemy

like those three peaks

in Albuquerque

where nothing gets decided

and every desire

is unavailable

not meant to

be acquired

but I’m still

studying the facts

printed out like a vert

on the milk carton back

degenerate and desperate

imploring the reader

HAVE YOU SEEN ME

HAVE YOU SEEN ME

HAVE YOU?

 

 

 —I GET INSECURE FOR STUPID REASONS, I TELL MYSELF I SHOULDN’T, BUT I FEEL IT

 

The Importance of Play

 

 Today all I

wanna do is

 something

without purpose

 just play

it doesn’t have

 to be childlike

not like that

  maybe I slap you

on the ass and

 run for cover

or you take me

 on the counter

hood of the car

 or under a

scalding shower

 today let’s just play

come here and

 give me your digits

my mouth is open

 and it’s really   

really wet

 

—SADNESS IS FOR SUCKERS, AND MOST OF THE TIME I’M A PRETTY BIG SUCKER

 

 

bloody mary

 

let’s not sing

the mundane

kill me instead

no need for apologies

excuses or

a burial

the crows

are wise and

need to be fed

I read where

a woman lifted

a car off

her daughter’s

crushed body

just today

or yesterday

I saw a

mimosa sunrise

and a bloody

mary sunset

oh my

there are all

these miracles

taking place

right over

our shoulders

so why are we

even bothering

with this?