—I’LL BE HONEST, THE BOWLING ALLEY KIND OF SOUNDS NICE

 

…Sometimes it’s impossible to be a best friend.

 

…Other times, there’s no way out.

 

…Pace yourself, please.

 

…That’s plenty.

 

…The smart play is usually silence.

 

…“Thank you for your thoughts on the matter.”

 

…“Well, that’s the thing you always get. Every person says, “Oh, my mom loves you. My daughter loves you. My girlfriend loves you.” It’s never, “I love you.” Jacob Elordi

 

…That’s going to kill me, but then again, I should be dead already.

 

…I’m really not sure why you want to keep me alive, but, God bless you.

 

…“Isn’t that why we are here? To write another poem for a small woman to read, and then another/’ Heather Bell

 

…For the record, I’m flunking technology and anything mechanical.

 

…Beating yourself up is never a fair fight.

 

…It’s an easy promise to make, but a harder one to keep, and I’m already thinking up excuses.

 

…“It takes a lot of work to stay happy, to stay clear, and to be proud of yourself. You can try to drink through it, but you’re sober in the morning and you got to live in those hours too.

 

Starting at the age of ten, I was teaching myself how to be a professional liar. How to convince people that I was something other than what I was thinking inside.

 

I married a friend as opposed to a girlfriend. Since I only wanted to get married once, I thought, Find someone I’m sexually attracted to that’s also a friend. That’s the bull’s-eye.

 

I know when I’m a pain in the ass to my wife or to my kids, and I try not to do that. It’s lazy to do that. It takes a little bit more effort to be the best version of yourself, and I try to get that done each day. So hopefully that’s the takeaway from my life—people say thanks for trying."

Jason Bateman

 

…Guilt feels like something stuck between my teeth.

 

…“Knowing it and seeing it are two different things.” Suzanne Collins

 

...I made it all the way here. Who could have predicted such a thing?

 

…Please accept my apologies for the barrage.

 

…A lot of the risks I took when I was younger, with Oz and others, crazy shit I never should have done or would never in a million years do now, was some of the best times of my life. Like, legendary stuff. So, explain that dichotomy to me.

 

…"Nobody sees a flower really; it is so small. We haven't time, and to see takes time - like to have a friend takes time." Georgia O'Keefe

 

…I try to send at least one kind, encouraging note a day to someone, usually a writer. (John said to do two a day, but that’s pretty hard.) Once, in a blue moon, I’ll actually receive one myself. It’s incredible how much a few words can mean:

Dear Len,

I keep your book in my living room and read pieces here and there. Yesterday, I came across "Personal History," and couldn't stop reading it over and over. All the melting images are perfect. 

Cheers,

P

 

…When people don’t love things as much, or in the way that you do, it hurts, but you have to remind yourself that art is subjective. Like I hate tomatoes, but most people love them.

 

…I’m not anywhere I need to be right now.

 

…I’m not sure why it means so much to me, but it does.

 

…Hey, Grasshopper, how many smart choices are you making?

 

--How do you even know that guy?

--I don’t.

--Isn’t he your friend?

--Yeah, but.

--But, What?

 

…To be honest, I’m not usually an optimist anymore, but I really thought I could win.

 

…“The agreement to participate in this life is a pact with grief.” Mark Doty

 

…I’ve seen the mess from the blade and it’s not pretty.

 

…Here’s one thing you should know—I’m the least techy person you know.

 

…Sometimes I’m smart and therefore make good decisions, but I’ll    need a lot of. Grae on th3 others. 

 

…“People who deny the existence of dragons are often eaten by dragons. From within.” Ursula K. Le Guin

 

…A really good question to ask yourself is—But why?

 

…I can’t even remember all I’ve forgotten.

 

...Somehow, I forgot yesterday was yesterday.

 

…I felt blue a couple of days ago. Maybe you did as well, and if so, I’m sorry.

 

…Thank you for peddling me. I know how heavy I can be most times.

 

—SUE ME, I WANNA BE WANTED

 

Poolside

 

 

In the hotel infinity pool, there’s ink for yards and days, tattoos of every kind, motifs, murals, cartoons, scripture and stanzas, as if their flesh can confess what they can’t share aloud.

I swim around a man shaped like a baby Orca, the red hat stamp blazing on the entire full of his back which might as well be an alarm or swastika.

When we surface at the same time, he grins and gives me a thumbs-up. Starts to say something he find clever or funny, while I swim on, keeping my hands and finger below the water, even as I’m twitching.

 

—GET AS LONELY AS THE DAYS GET DARK

Cunnilingus

I go gown on you in a meadow, butterflies flocking, daises blazing their yellow and blue like a patriotic flag, a muffin, a mystery.

 

I go down on you in bus filled with strangers, none of them watching, but all of them carnivores.

 

I go down on you in the heated space inside my head, not sure if you’re with me until I hear you moan.

 

I go down on you like an insect in need of nourishment and salvation.

 

I go down on you in church, under the steeple, middle pew, where confessions are given but never heard.

 

I go down on you everywhere, anywhere, because I’m fucking starving for the taste of you.

 

—I WISH I HAD A SYLVIA PLATH, A BUSTED TOOTH AND A SMILE

 

 

...“Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.” Rumi

 

…Who has a debate with themselves at 3:58am? Oh yeah, that would be no one.

 

…But they’re all white people.

 

...Three weeks ago he called a female reporter, “Piggie, Piggie.” Two weeks ago he called a different female reporter, “Ugly inside and out.” Last week he asked a different female reporter if she was “a stupid person.” How is this okay? 

 

…I was breathing but not alive.

 

…So what if it’s a hoax, as long as it works the way it’s supposed to?

 

…You have been the friend that never left.

 

…I don’t get it all, but it works.

 

--You don’t talk much.

--I know.

--You should talk more.

--I know.

--It would help.

--I know.

 

…It’s funny the things that can get to you if you let them.

 

…Well, you know, that’s because it’s dangerous.

 

…I still don’t know how I got so lucky. That’s not usually how the movie ends.

 

…Christmas time is always a bit fragile for me. I wish I could appreciate and celebrate it like most people, but I’m still not there yet.

 

…Give me a ring when I’m a little bit older and I’ll tell you a story for free.

 

..It’s weird when you have a dog for several days and then you don’t. It’s like you’re always thinking they need to go out. It’s like always thinking there’s something warm nearby that loves and needs you. 

 

…I think I’m getting there, but don’t call a cab quite yet.

 

…I think I might just be trying really hard to fool myself.

 

…I don’t even know what that means, and I’m the one who wrote it.

 

…Now you’re just being stupid again.

 

…Yeah, this could end up being incredibly stupid.

 

…I sure reference “stupid” a lot. That has to mean something.

 

…I think I liked it better when it was wrong.

 

…You know what this is going to be? A long fucking day… But that’s okay. It’s a day.

 

… “There is power in forgiveness.” Angela Maples

 

…Call me when you calm down, or better yet, when you’re sober.

 

…If you can get there, it’ll sound a lot better tomorrow. 

 

…Something I say to myself more than other people do is, “This could be trouble.”

 

…Wait, what the heck’s going on here?

 

…Maybe, maybe, I don’t know. Just don’t be weird.

 

…You’re absolute trouble.

 

…“It feels like so much to be told you have three weeks left to live. Like three whole weeks? That’s incredible.” Andrea Gibson

 

…Sometimes you don’t know that you have expectations until you are disappointed.

 

…Take what the defense gives you.

 

…That looked like hands-to-the-face to me.

 

…You can hear anything through a window if you listen hard enough.

 

…You should take a photo any time you’re with someone you care about. It might feel awkward at the time, but it won’t when you see it back. Trust me.

 

…Well, in the moment, you weren’t all that kind.

 

…“You have to trust the life you ended up with, to live with its nonsense and its wisdom. Read the life you were given and write the life you were given. When you were born you’re given a stack of metaphors. Every poem is another step backwards or forwards. Don’t over workshop or listen too hard to what others are doing or imitate the crowd. Poetry is a private act. Have the guts to be lonely.” Diane Suess 

 

…I’m a wordy motherfucker.

 

…Why does that matter so much to you? That’s always the question.

                    “So, anyway, tell me something about yourself.”

 

…Leave the writer alone, right?

 

…Now I’m just being stupid again.

 

…I’ve got a little dog with me that weighs a lot more than she looks, I’m telling you.

 

…I don’t think I want know that right now.

 

…More of the same isn’t always bad.

 

…I never in my life thought I’d be advocating for Jeffrey Epstein, a child molester, but he’s not wrong here--"i have met some very bad people, none as bad as Trump. not one decent cell in his body. so yes- dangerous," 

 

…Why do I cry so much?  Is that a good thing, or a weakness. Why doe any man cry so much?

 

…It’s 5:30am, time to take your earbuds out.

 

…Why’re you looking over there when the trainwreck’s right here?

 

...Do you wanna talk, because it seems like you want to talk?

 

…Here Comes the Flood

 

emotional intelligence 

is the toughest 

brain-stuff 

to master 

because the heart 

always interferes.  

       ----Brian Fuggett

 

…What’s the point of that?

 

…It depends on what you get next, right?

 

…So, maybe that’s where we go someday.

 

…The ducks all look that same a 4am.

 

...It’s actually not really fair to share a poem with someone who doesn’t like poetry and expect them to say something complimentary.

 

…You can come if you want to, but I doubt I’ll be around.

 

…Yeah, but would you really do it?

 

…I saw “myself on the floor”, and so on.

 

…Obviously, I’m not alone in this.

 

…if that’s the way you want it, I’ll leave you alone.

 

“Routine is a condition of survival.” Flannery O’Connor

 

…It’s odd to cherish the idea that you’re the only one awake at this hour.

 

...I just have to remember not to second guess myself so much.

 

… "Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted."  Sylvia Plath