—HELLO, TEMPORARY CRISIS

  

…If this was a bad idea, you would tell me, right? I mean, would you really? Or would you be one of those people who are so polite they let you talk for an hour with a sprig of lettuce stuck between your front teeth?

 

…The more I know, the less I think I know.

 

…There are a lot of positive things to be said about being an introvert. One is, you listen, and pay attention, more than the next guy.

 

…I’ll just go ahead and admit it. I’m suspicious of people who, 1.) don’t like to read,  2.) don’t like dogs and,  3.) don’t like children.

 

…If I love you, no one’s ever going to love you like I do. Nope.

 

…We only get to hold the future for a little while.

 

…“Each of us is born with a box of matches inside us, but we can’t strike them all by ourselves.” Like Water for Chocolate

 

…I have a weak heart. That’s not a metaphor. My heart is literally, actually, like, not strong. I AFibb a lot, which is so unnerving, and really any day I could have a stroke and that’d be it. So, consequently, I think about death a lot more than you probably do. I don’t want to die, but if I do, I know I’ll have been one of the lucky ones. I got way more from life than I ever thought I would, and way more than I deserved, that's for sure.  

 

…I’m scared, too, but Fuck it. Let’s go.

 

…When I was a store manager, we’d often declare Fridays “No Negative Day,” meaning, for the entire day, you couldn’t say anything that sounded pessimistic or critical. It was about not saying that to your co-workers or to yourself. It was a lot harder to do than you might think. Just try it, if you don’t believe me. It’s amazing, the horrible things we say to ourselves, about ourselves, over and over.

 

…It’s a fact—there aren’t many people who can give you a hug and make you feel like they really mean it. 

 

…They say you can’t, but I think you can—teach an old dog new tricks. It just takes a little more patience and practice.

 

…Sometimes when you finally get what you want, you realize it’s not really what you wanted after all.

 

…Only miserable people will tell you that love has to be deserved.

 

…Even after all this time, I can still remember the name of almost every teacher I’ve ever had, going all the way back to 3^rd grade. How about you? It’s pretty extraordinary, the impact a teacher can make on a person’s life, good or bad.

 

…I know a lot of things I tell myself about myself—the not so nice ones—aren’t true, so why do I believe them?

 

…You can be 50 or 80 or 101, yet it’s true—high school never ends.

 

…It’s pretty hard to beat a sunset on a lake. There’s the ocean, of course, but it’s not quite the same. On a lake, at sunset or near-dawn when the light's just peeking through, it’s like you just heard Jesus say something you can’t quite make out, so you lean in.

 

…Who’s going to tell you when you’re being a fool?

 

…We could both be wrong, but at least we’d be wrong together.

 

…I’m uncomfortable and everybody knows, except they don’t, how could they?

 

…Sometimes nothing is the best thing you can say.

 

…What’re you going to do about those things that still haunt you?

 

…Last week 1,200 people died from an earthquake in Afghanistan—one thousand and two hundred lives—but you had to really search the news to find anything out about it. If five people died from an earthquake in America, it would be plastered everywhere.

 

…The answer to all the big shit is hidden in all the small print.

 

…“The heart is the toughest part of the body. Tenderness is in the hands.” The Country Between Us

 

…The (literal) human heart is a strange thing to see. It looks like some prehistoric jellyfish, and to watch it beat is to wonder how it manages such a thing, day after day.

 

…A person who can hold something you’ve told them in confidence is a person I want on my side.

 

…I’m not sure if there’s any room for more doomsday stuff inside my head.

 

…Aren’t immigrants just people, too? Aren’t they just struggling, looking to somehow make a better life for their family? Yeah? So, why do you hate them so much? They're no different than us.  

 

…You’re there with open arms, but I’ll still put up my guard.

 

…It’s true—when you grow up poor, you’re always poor in your head, like Forever poor, even if you have everything you could’ve ever dreamed of. 

 

…Even though they’re obnoxious most times, you can make a case for optimists. 

 

…Sometimes it seems like nothing ever changes. And yeah, I know how cynical that sounds.

 

…I’m not always like this.

 

…Sometimes I’m a lot more confused.

 

…“I try not to think too much about what I post—it’s easy to agonize over everything, to overthink how people might interpret it. I just try to be as authentic as I can, and if they get it, great. If not, so what?” Martin Luke Brown

 

…Most people would love more time to just sit and think, while I would like a lot less of it.

 

…I’ve got to learn how to “gray rock” certain people.

 

…Just say what you need to say. I’ll hear it, or I’ll try my best to hear it just as you meant it to be heard.

 

…Stay focused and kind.

 

…It seems like, when you stop thinking it won't get better, is when you’re in real trouble.

 

…Well, if I’m going to die, I might as well Fucking try.

 

…I forgot that you were so intimidating.

 

…It might not seem like it, but I’m really rooting for you. I am.

 

--Do you have advice for beating writer’s block?

--Write lots of bad songs. Bad songs are better than no songs. It’s better to write and learn, than to not write, and not learn at all.

 

…“I was reading a book about pleasure, 

how you have to glide through it 

                                   without clinging, 

like an arrow 

pressing through a target,

          coming out the other side and going on.” Tony Hogland

 

…I wish there was such a thing as extra credit you could do when you get older, kind of like in school when you needed some insurance to get that grade you wanted. I could sure use some extra credit about now.

 

…I haven’t smelled anything in seven years. I suppose, of all the senses, that’d be the best one to lose. But you can’t really taste food, so it’s like a two-for-one loss. 

 

…You gotta let the birds fly and the bees sting, otherwise you’re just messing with how things were always meant to be.

 

…Nothing weighs more than somebody else’s belief in you. 

 

…I guess that’s life, right? Somedays, you couldn’t care less if it was over, then some days are so nearly miraculous that you’d beg to live forever.

 

…I know he’s done some bad things he wishes he hadn’t, and I also wish he hadn’t done them, but I forgive him, I hope you do as well, because he’s still one of my all-time favorites, as is this, simply a masterpiece, in every conceivable way…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FIw7ERlVxU

 

…I can’t wrap my head around the idea of someone getting outfitted in the morning after breakfast, packing gear, driving to a remote area in nature, then aiming a rifle, sighting it, and killing a deer that’s just standing there, eating leaves or some grass or something else, this gorgeous animal God somehow managed to create. If you can actually do that—kill a deer—I’m unclear about everything else you’re capable of, but I do know with certainty that I don’t want you anywhere near my life.  

 

…“To me, a relationship is about loving another human being; their gender is irrelevant.” Gillian Anderson

 

…Yep. You got me. That was all my fault. I just didn’t pay attention.

 

…“Wait.

Don’t go too early.

You’re tired. But everyone’s tired.

But no one is tired enough.

Only wait a little and listen:

music of hair,

music of pain,

music of looms weaving our loves again.”

Galway Kinnell

 

…I know I bitch and moan a lot on here, but I also realize that I’m the luckiest man I know. And you're lucky, too? Do you know that? 

 

…Sometimes it all feels exceedingly pleasant, which is a bit of a curse.

 

---You seem really small right now.

---I know. Just fucking look at me.

 

…Here’s where I always get into trouble.

 

…But why would you say it if you knew you really didn’t mean it? That’s what I want to know. I don't understand. You must have really meant it somewhere inside of yourself.

 

…People always say, “It’s not a contest,” but maybe it is. I mean, what if it actually is a contest?

 

…When I’m listening and they say something awful, I just have to remind myself that it’s only their insecurity talking. They probably don’t really mean to be such an asshole. They definitely don’t know they’re sounding like an absolute asshole.

 

---Why do you feel awful?

---Because you feel awful.

 

…It’s all right. It’s all I’ve ever known.

 

…It takes a lot to save me from myself.

 

…It’s not weird until you say it out loud to someone else.

 

—IF THERE’S SILVER IN MY EYES, THAT’S JUST THE MOONLIGHT

 

 

Why I Take the Bus

 

She’s always in the back 

my daughter 

strapped safely in 

the car seat 

asleep or making up 

sign language 

with her chubby fingers

the ones I used to 

nibble so she’d giggle 

my daughter 

who will never turn 

older than three 

asleep and dreaming 

in the back seat

where the sun isn’t scorching 

where no one’s left her

and she isn’t locked  

inside a car 

in the back seat 

just like that

 

—LET’S GO FOR A WALK, TAKE A DEEP BREATH

 

Hims

 

Some days he watches both hims circle around the office like they’re dopes or hopelessly blind, but they'll never tell each other which. One of the hims might say, “Where the fuck am I?” and the other him might say, “Watch your language, cocksucker” and the original him should laugh because there are three now, dancing a jig like elves drunk on elderberry wine, none of the hims sure who their mother was, or if the room is unlocked.  

 

—MAYBE I’M JUST A MAN YOU MADE UP

   

…Please tell me I got here at the right time, please.

 

…One thing you’ll never see me doing is riding a hydrofoil, though I sure like watching other people do it. 

 

…AI—I don’t know. It sometimes seems like the individual’s search for the answer is more important than the answer itself. But maybe that’s just me.   

 

…It seemed like you meant it when you said it and so I’m going to trust you. 

 

…Was it worth all the trouble we started?

 

…“Love. Fall in love and stay in love. Write only what you love, and love what you write. The key word is love. You have to get up in the morning and write something you love, something to live for.” Ray Bradbury

 

…If you can worry, you can wonder.

 

...“A plane can drop a bomb or food. A syringe can deliver poison or medicine. A stallion can start a stampede or win a race. The same is true of our thoughts.” John Acuff

 

…I need a better place for my exasperation.

 

…I’ve been accused of self-sabotaging myself before, which is something I’m definitely guilty of.

 

…“We never really know what's happening on the inside. The stories we create come only from the fragments we can see on the outside. The narrative depends on the moment.” Jay Halsey

 

…What is resilience other than allowing yourself to start again when things don’t go your way the first time around?

 

…Nothing good is ever easy.

 

…I guess the question is: Do you want compliments, or do you want feedback?

 

…You can’t take back what’s been done to you.

 

…I’m still waiting for the whiskey to whisk me away, I’m still waiting for the ashtray to lead me astray.

 

…I’m just looking for forgiveness, or something resembling a wish list.

 

…I’ll tell you what that wasn’t—it wasn’t a walk in the park.

 

…If you have to ask yourself why you should care about it, you probably shouldn’t. 

 

…“All this fucking ‘self-knowledge,’ what the fuck has it gotten me?” Tony Soprano

 

…Sometimes it feels like a story one of us made up in the bushes when there were more berries than stars in the sky.

 

…“Writing is easy. You just open a vein and bleed.” Ernst Hemingway

 

…That’s enough of doing that. Let’s try something different and see what happens.

 

…What’s the opposite of criticism? Curiosity maybe?

 

…If you’re going to predict the future, you might as well pick something positive.

 

…“There is no opposite of trauma, because no single good event has such lasting impact. You can consciously recall happy moments from your past, but the ones that suddenly pop into your head uninvited tend to be unhappy.’ Roy F. Baumeister 

 

…Remember when you were a kid, pouting or perhaps throwing a tantrum of some sort, and adults would say, “It’s not the end of the world”? Well, nowadays, they’d likely be wrong.

 

…I’m not sure I like the way this feels.

 

…You good? What happened?

 

…Well, there’s a problem there. I assume you know about problems, how they often get in the way and make us overthink.

 

…Stuff can spook me a little easier than the next guy. Maybe I’m more scared, or maybe I’m more informed. I’ll let you decide.

 

…No, I can’t. That’s the answer to that tricky question.

 

…“We decided that, instead of divorce lawyers profiting from our mistakes, we'd profit from them." Lucille Ball, on how I Love Lucy came about

 

…There are too many people cheering. It has to be bad news.

 

…“Why are you so scared, man?” Landman

 

…“Okay, ah, well, this is a problem,” is something you never want to hear yourself, or your best friend, say aloud.

 

…One “yes” in a sea of “no’s” can sometimes make all the difference.

 

…You don’t get a rainbow without rain.

 

…It doesn’t always have to be perfect. Sometimes just getting it done is good enough.

 

…About the choices I sometimes make, I think: That’s just dumb. What’re you doing?

 

…It’s not so much about the taste as it is the food.

 

…Something can be really funny, yet sad at the same time. But it’s pretty rare when that happens.

 

…When I said I was done, I laughed to myself, because I knew I wasn’t.

…“Sometimes hearts have their own conversations.” Wild Robot

 

…Your message has been sent.

 

…I was going to say something. What was it again?

 

…Don’t you just sometimes want to say, Fuck all these people? No? Well, I guess it’s just me then. 

 

…If you ever find yourself saying, “This is probably not a good idea,” it’s probably not.

 

…Just go. Just go.

 

…That’s really easy to say to someone you don’t know that well, but it’s incredibly hard to say to someone you love, so you’d better mean it and not be kidding.  

 

…“l think when we talk about romance it's oftentimes within the parameters of what two people experience with each other in terms of joint love for each other. But romance exists in all sorts of love. I love my friends. Those relationships are romantic in their own ways. There's no romance better than loving without what popular culture labels as romantic.” Jay Halsey

 

…How often does that happen? Oh yeah, hardly ever, so you’d better fucking pay attention.

 

…According to the weather app, it’s not supposed to be raining right now, but I don’t care. Rain all you want. Rain all over me. My mouth is wide open and I’m thirsty.

 

…When you talk all the time, you’re going to repeat yourself a lot, you just are. 

 

…That’s a good way to call it what it was, so if that works for you, I’m okay if you are. I guess I can live with that if you can, too.

 

…You might be the best person I’ve never met, but if you like that guy, I’m never really going to like you. Nope. It's just not going to happen. 

 

 

 “It’s sad to think it’s the end of summer, and the end of civilization as we know it.”

 

…A long row of ducklings, scurrying across the lake in the early morning, or anytime really, is something to behold.

 

…On occasion, a random interference will happen during my day, and because I’m so superstitious, I’ll think, “Well, that has to be sign.” And the trajectory of my day will completely change, and I’ll never know for sure if I was right or wrong to pay attention to that. 

 

…I used to think it was strange that people talk to themselves, but now I think it’s pretty odd if they don’t.

 

…The thing is, you have to trust yourself first.

 

…“It’s your road, but you ain’t seen the mess yet.” Landman

 

…It’s funny how my computer disliked the word “ain’t”. I understood that thought-process, once upon a time.

 

…That’s great advice, but there’s a point, I think, in everyone’s life, where you don’t need any more advice, not from anyone, even the people you love the most.

 

…I hope you don’t think this is all sad. Sad can be profound. I’m not saying I’m profound. I’m just saying that, sometimes, when you’re sad, that’s when you learn the most about yourself.

 

…Have I told you lately how much I actually hate him? I still do.

 

…When the air-conditioning turns off in this room, it feels hollowed-out, almost like someone has died. It’s hard to explain, that leftover vacuum sound, when there’s no other noise.

 

…Okay, how about this: (…)

 

…“That was all family had to be, at the most basic level, someone seeing you, even if you didn’t know what they saw.” Kevin Wilson, Run For the Hills

 

…One way to get through the day is NOT to listen to Kathleen by Josh Ritter on repeat.

 

…I guess what you’re supposed to do—with technology and advancements today—is just lean into it a bit, embrace it, but I’m still like, Stay away from me, Bitch. I didn’t even look at you.

 

…“I don’t have to agree with you to like or respect you.” Anthony Bourdain.

 

…"My Uncle taught me something very important. He said that when things are going really well, we should be sure to notice it. He was talking about very simple occasions, not great victories. Maybe drinking lemonade under a shade tree, or smelling the aroma of a bakery, or fishing, or listening to music coming from a concert hall while standing in the dark outside, or, dare I say, after a kiss. He told me that it was important at such times to say out loud, 'If this isn’t nice, what is?'" Kurt Vonnegut 

 

…It’s funny how the little things are kind of big.

 

…“a woman unlike myself is running

down the long hall of a lifeless house

with too many windows which open on

a world she has no language for,

running and running until she reaches

at last the one and only door”

Lucille Clifton

 

…Hey, I’m glad you’re here with me, even if you aren’t.