—WHERE YOU STAND DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU SIT

 

Which Is Why

 

I’m in the main,

got these

bruised knees

and not much else,

squares turning circles

circling around me til

I’m dizzy and don’t know it,

which is why I’m

so comfortable

with the dark.

Don’t tell anyone,

don’t speak much about it,

a lid’s a lid for a reason.

People are gonna paint you,

it’s what they do,

can’t help themselves.

Some wood-makers

make caskets cause

that’s all they know.

Some villains take

a piece of you

with their (….)

and a paring knife

cause that’s all

they know, too.

When I see you, I’ll

wear my plastic mouth

and knife-point dimples.

I’ll laugh and snort at

all your funnies, keep my

eyes trained on yours,

which is why

you’ll never know

how weak my bones are

and why they

won’t stop weeping.

 

—BLINKED TWICE THEN I MISSED IT

 

 

All Night Long

 

As you

may recall

we were naked

when it happened

scars and flaws

on full display

wondering who

would go first

who would share

their sharpest

and darkest parts

light fanning the

mattress like a

code or riddle

neither of us

could crack

when you turned

me over

turned me

inside-out

I knew I

was safe and

you were a haven

where I could

just be me

and you you

my broken

springs creaky like

a coarse crow

poking us both

in the ribs

as we laughed

and loved

all night long.

—I MISS YOUR FACE LIKE HELL

 

Tripping

 

Set us in the cove

bald as fish

bald everywhere

we don’t care

it doesn’t matter

because it matters

feeling a little rich right there

yeah there

your lips liquid air

dripping like that

has me kinda tripping like that

gonna swim like a beaver

not ever gonna leave here

sun ripe on our skin

feeling hot as sin

just look at that grin

the last wave’ll take us under

make us grateful make us younger

take a gulp and hold our breath

let the water do its best

—AUGUST IN THE HEAT, SWEATY IN THE STREETS

 

Undeniable

 

Let’s go dancing

up there on the balcony,

no use for excuses,

you’re looking

fresh as hell and

tonight’s not going to end.

Let’s cast a long spell,

spin until we’re

dizzy-drunk,

a couple of clumsies,

rummy and funny

only to ourselves,

who cares?

You can pick the tunes,

I’ll pick the flowers,

bring you your

favorite wine while

we twist and

sway for hours.

I’ll grip your hip

like it’s the

last piece of gold,

hold your hand

over my heart,

kiss the end

of your nose

if you sigh or

toss your hair back,

throwing me a lifeline

not knowing it.

Maybe we’ll make

it to the rooftop,

fly there or even farther,

dancing with wings on,

dancing on air,

dancing because 

I’m here

and

you are

and

we are.

 

—JUMPING FROM LEDGE TO LEDGE

 

…Oh, Friday, why are you so gray?

 

...I thought yesterday was Wednesday, even though I took the garbage out (it gets picked up on Thursday.) I thought Wednesday was Monday. I thought I was younger. Thought I was stronger. That my hair was thicker. I thought you could still hug whomever needed to be hugged. 

Obviously, I have been thinking too much so I’ll just start the weekend with these other peoples' thoughts...

 

“Faith shares best in the dark.” Kierkegaard

 

“Often we prefer to hear the trumpet while ignoring the tragedy that produced it.” Jon Meacham

 

“Stay in good trouble.” John Lewis

 

“If we live in hope, we open our souls to the power of love.” Jon Meacham

 

We are tied together by the single garment of god’s destiny.” Martin Luther King

 

“The words are the important thing. Don’t worry about the tune. Take a tune and sing high when they sing low, sing fast when they sing low, and you’ve got a new tune.” Woodie Guthrie

 

“We are not self-made. We are dependent upon one another, and admitting this to ourselves isn’t embracing mediocrity, it’s a liberation of misconceptions, and it’s an incentive to not expect so much from ourselves, and to simply begin.” Kirby Ferguson

 

"If we should fail -- we fail. But screw your courage to the sticking-place, And we'll not fail." William Shakespeare 

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

 

"I was taught how to work. I think that's everything. Creativity and imagination alone are not going to get you there." Elizabeth Gilbert

 

"We all have dreams. And we all get disappointed. We all have heartache and we suffer and work to get through it. It's just the human condition. So, I stand here today so proud. I'm so proud of my team and I'm so proud of myself." Diana Nyad, long-distance swimmer

 

—I JUST WANNA BE FUCKING HAPPY

 

 

Steadfast

 

It’s another

mundane Monday

every day

Groundhog’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day

in autumn

broken taxis

masks on all

the windows

flights in the drawer

farsighted CPR

babies born to bedlam

and that’s not even

one tenth of it

so I’ve been

dancing alone

in semi-circles

under the skittering

streetlight glow

with a power outage

in my throat and

a drunk therapist

reaching conclusions

that don’t map out

watching wine

flood by like water

but still I’ll lift

the heavy hours

for you

I’ll turn back

a warm sheet  

give you the best side

tell you a story about

how dark it was once

until the light

broke through

landing like a

crescent on both our lips

like a steadfast prayer

at last answered.     

  

 —MEET ME AT THE STREETLIGHT, GONNA TAKE YOU THERE

 

 

Something Else

 

Maybe I

heard wrong

misread or

misremembered

made it up

traded up

catching someone

else’s déjà vu

in my sleep like that

adding

embellishing

fabricating

such a sad sap

it’s probably not

the first time for

either of us

huh

uh-huh

right

dreamers

what say you

and I know I

have to get out

of that phone booth

eventually

especially

these days

germs and all

breath mites and all

spreading from

mouth to mouth

inconspicuously

I have to confess

the picture’s been

pretty well-baked

in my head

what I felt

the raw joy and

what you said

I might be wrong

but I thought it was

something else.

 —MOONLIGHT BRIGHT AND THE KIDS DON’T CARE

 

Pixie

 

I can hear

the silent press

of snow on

your breath

as you sleep slanted

against my chest,

moonglow striped

on your lids,

lips somewhat pouted

but perfect,

tang of Barolo

still in the air,

hard hail falling

in my heart

as I watch you,

wondering which

dream gets to

direct you

in their script.

If you wake

sooner or later

it doesn’t matter,

because the

stars are all

patiently waiting.

Their light is

in your hair,

shimmering

like a thousand,

awestruck pixies.

There’s magic

in my arms,

light as the

sheerest sunshine.

Every fear’s eroded,

all my wishes granted,

whether dawn comes

as scheduled

or whether tonight

never ends.

—WHERE THERE IS RUIN, THERE IS HOPE

 

...I'm going to read today. I might even take a bath and read. Doesn't matter if I feel normal or not, I just want my eyes on some words that do something to me...

https://ghostparachute.com/the-thing-about-books/

  

—WHATEVER MONKEY THAT WAS ON MY BACK, HE JUMPED OFF JUST LIKE THAT, DOVE INTO THE DEEP BLUE SEA

 

 

Tiny

 

 

Out of options, I erase myself bit by bit, day by day, but can’t get the job done entirely, which is why I’m now dangling from the soft slope of your neck, halfway hoping you’ll notice.

 

There are mustard seeds that weigh more than me now, lint that weighs more. When I speak or even shout, the only sound that comes out is a minuscule filament of air.

 

Being this small makes everything about you more expansive and pronounced, a galaxy of undiscovered riches.  

 

Your chin is an awning above me, taut yet fleshy, with the faintest trail of peach fuzz. I wish I’d kissed it more when I could. I wish I’d noticed that chocolate chip mole lower-left under your jaw.

 

You’re having a spectacular hair day, do you know that? It’s looks like a massive fern, controlled, long and flouncy. If I could get some leverage, I might leap and swing from a strand of it, get drunk off the scent of it.

 

And how about your skin, recently lotioned, gleaming, smelling of vanilla with honeysuckle base notes.

 

Plus, I’m pretty sure that’s a new bra you’re wearing beneath your blouse. Polka dot trim, how festive.

 

Your cleavage below me looks like a death trap, sublimely precarious, but not a bad place to die if things come to that.

 

And now you’re taking a drive, though it’s Sunday, usually your sleep-in, crash-on-the-couch day. I can tell you’re a bit jumpy from the way your index finger taps the steering wheel like a metronome gone haywire. Honestly, I haven’t seen you this excited in, well, in never.

 

Still, I can’t help but wonder if you miss me, if you even realize I’m gone. You told me to grow a pair, man-up, and here I’ve done the opposite. Yet that’s just because I wanted to see the world through your lenses, something I never did, but should have.

 

Parking the car, you check your candy apple red lipstick in the review, purse and pout those lips I now miss more than ever.

 

You grab your clutch, take a huge gulp of air, and exit.

 

I know where you’re headed, of course. I know his name, his brand of cologne. I’ve even read his tacky poetry on the back of that restaurant napkin you saved.

 

But I’ve never heard him speak. I’ve never seen the way he loves you, how he makes you light up and squirm, skin all blotchy.

 

That’s why I’m here, along for the ride.  Maybe it’s the small things I missed, or messed up, or perhaps it’s something more complex. Anyway, I’m ready to find out. I’m finally big enough to learn.

 —DON’T GO HITTIN’ THAT PANIC BUTTON, IT AIN’T AS BAD AS YOU THINK

 

The Depression Test

 

Took the depression test today

scored it pretty high

got me feeling really low

but I’m not overeating

though I’ve been overthinking

everything I do

sitting on a thin ledge

wondering ‘bout my real friends

who to turn to when I’m blue

all these blurry seasons

never conjure any reasons

for overthinking everything I do

took an ear to Dylan

kind of feel like I’m him

wondering whether the rain’s

going to let me down again

lost inside false lyrics

don’t really want to bear it

overthinking everything I do

trying to skip the gene pool

mom and dad and me fool

guess I’m just a broke tool

overthinking everything I do

took the depression test last night

skewed north of average

makes me sad and savage

overthinking everything I do

but I know that you’re out there

the one soul who just might care

that I’m overthinking everything I do

so I’ll hit you up later

get out the excavator

stop overthinking everything I do

—EVERYTHING’S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT

 

 

Another Day

 

I felt

washed away

stubborn stale

and too damn gray 

but you threw a dart babe

aimed straight for my heart babe

made me reach for another day

I’d been relishing morsels

regretful remorseful

checked cupboards and floorboards

hoping for a safer day

but you threw a dart bug

notched first in my heart bug

now I’m beginning to see a way

you tossed me a lifeline

but it’s been a whole lifetime

since I’ve seen your damp hair in the rain

freaked about traffic

a dent who might ask it

the hopes we’d both buried away

but then you threw a dart bae

flew just like an arch bae

I mean fucking damnit

what the hell can we say

I’d grown simple enough

forgotten my soft touch

acting so not-tough

relying on bad luck

never going to be saved

until you drew that arrow

hit me right in the marrow

made me reach for another day

made me want to live another day

made me want to live

made me want to reach

live reach live

yeah bae

yeah bae

yeah

bae