—WHAT ARE THE ANGELS GONNA DO WITH YOU AND I?

 

 

Stained

 

She wanted me to see what I couldn’t, smears of dirt etched in the whorls of her hand, clouds of bacteria hanging over the air like a fleet of UFOs, grime on washed clothing, her new blouse soiled though it wasn’t and hadn’t yet been worn, our home a den of filth that repeated soap-scrubbing did little to eliminate, and later, as we  each sat at one end of the bath, I asked what I should have long ago: Honey, how come you never talk about your father?

—MAYBE I DON’T KNOW

 

 

Devil’s Elbow

 

The curve hooked sharp, meaning you had to take it slow, though strangers didn’t know and often ended up ass-over-tea-kettle, mangled steel steaming against the skirts of ancient evergreens near where my son drove one winter after having punched a fist through the wall, a trivial event of familial history were it not for the sole time I failed to say, “Drive careful,” where if I’d said it I still would have deliberately left off “Son,” due to my pride and fury, though now at night, in dreams or awake, that’s all I say, Son, Son, Son. 

 —ONLY TIME WILL TELL IF WE STAND THE TEST OF TIME

  

…Hey, Micah, how about some good news?

 

…If you can make the algorithm happy, you’re pretty savvy.

 

…Maybe all you can do is try.

 

…My mom divorced my biological dad when I was not quite five. I don’t remember saying goodbye. I do vividly remember driving in the back of my stepdad’s truck from Bismarck to Spokane and being frightened the whole time, with strange headaches and hallucinations. 

I remember wondering if it snowed in Spokane. I remember thinking it was pretty neat that I’d have two more brothers and sisters. 

I don’t know how my stepdad did it—raise ten kids on a mechanic's salary. I know he loved my mom for being a stunner who’d won some beauty contests. He just didn’t know what he’d bargained for.

 

…Joy in spite of everything. Yep.

 

…Sometimes mortality becomes a thing.

 

…What’s embarrassing is knowing someone pretty well online but not knowing how to pronounce their name when you finally meet them.

 

…What’s also embarrassing is a thousand things I’ve done that I can’t take back now.

 

…Maybe getting a compliment is so rare that people think you’re trying to pick them up rather than lift them up by saying what a great writer you think they are.

 

…No one needs two pink jean jackets. Do they?

 

…If the easiest way to respect someone is to respect their time, why don’t people show up when they say they’re going to?

 

…What’s baffling, genuinely baffling, is having to explain lunacy to someone who’s hearing it, and looking it, straight in the eye. 

 

…“The world is sick, and yes it can be cruel, but it would be a whole lot sicker and a whole lot crueler if it were not for painters and filmmakers and songwriters, the beauty-makers, wading through the blood and muck of things, whilst reaching skyward to draw down the very heavens themselves.” Nick Cave

 

… From FBK:

two things I feel a little bad about: 

Every time I see the word “misogyny”, I get happy that it contains the word “miso”, and I get hungry. 

Every time I see the word “hospice”, all I can see is “Ho Spice” and it tickles me to death. What is Ho Spice??? Prolly garlic powder and pre-ground black pepper.

The point is, I can’t stop thinking about food, even if it’s serious words like misogyny and hospice. Something is wrong with me.

 

…I don’t know blood pressure. I really don’t. Every time they take it when I give blood and they tell me mine, I just ask, “Is that good?” But sometimes I can feel those whatever-they-are numbers shifting in my throat.

 

 …“It’s a folk singer’s job to comfort disturbed people and to disturb comfortable people.” Woody Guthrie 

 

…Is there romance in the air, or is it just allergies?

 

…I haven’t lost my cool in a long time. One thing’s for sure—I’m  going to need more practice on how to do it better.

 

…I have this FBK writer friend I’ve never met. I read his posts fairly regularly and so I had a pre-conceived notion about him, but then the other night I sat in on his reading and stayed to the very end of his Q & A with students. I was spellbound. It was one of the most riveting things I’ve ever experienced. Aside from that specifically, it makes me wonder how many other people I think I know but really don't. 

 

…“I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.” Mark Twain

…Even if you’re an optimist, you have to acknowledge that things can get worse, and probably will. Just look at today.

…It’s a strange world, isn’t it?

…That piece I posted Wednesday was easy enough to write but super difficult to cull. I wrote it specifically for a journal that only takes pieces that are exactly 75 words, title included. I write short, that’s what I do, but it was tough.

…“All writing, all art, is an act of faith.” Truman Capote

 

…I wish I knew how to worry less.

 

…It could be all in my head.

 

…What you never want to be asked is, “What’s your problem?”

 

…No one really wants an answer to that question.

 

…The wind making the trees sway—now that’s beautiful, and hypnotic.

…It’ll probably sound silly, but I think Squid Game has a lot to teach us.

 

…I’m really not a just-pick-up-the-phone-and-call person. Was I ever? Are you? 

…“Love is all you need.” Yeah, not really.

 

…Some people can cry on demand. Now there’s a gift.

 

…There are your favorite movies, and then there are the ones you think about a lot.

 

…“Love is the bridge between you and everything.” Rumi

 

…I hope you’re surrounded by love this Valentine’s Day.

 

—NOTHING TO SEE HERE

 

 

Thread

 

The little girl tosses a coin in the fountain, eyes pinched shut, her concentration similar to his daughter’s all those years ago, how she’d hold her breath making wishes, birthday or not, her faith unshakeable, like a prayer of absolute certainty, the very one he mimics each night, clutching his daughter’s Pooh Bear, trying not to squeeze too hard, trying not to lose the stuffing or let the loose eye fall from its thread. 

—DON’T BOTHER KNOCKING

 

 

Chickadee

 

 

We lived like outlaws 

instead of lovers 

in grime and gun smoke 

fool’s gold plucked 

from all our teeth 

Outside a cage of stars 

did their beautiful lying

the stove fire inside 

weak like everything else 

hope as getable as gristle 

tarot cards burnt to ash

Wild stallions tramped 

through our dreams nightly

the buffalo wise and unamused 

stoic in a prairie fit for fiends 

So you cooked the spoon 

while I strapped in 

as the needle sang 

its sweetest yodel again 

Here I am, Chickadee

Here I am

 

—HEY, TONY, WHAT’S SO GOOD ABOUT DYING?

 

…“Medicine, law, business, engineering—these are noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance and love—these are what we stay alive for.” Robin Williams, Dead Poet’s Society

 

…I wish I was better at fixing things, but I don’t see that happening.

 

…Thanks for indulging me this week, if you did. The best way for me to deal with my disgruntled thoughts and feelings is to drink, or write about them. And, well, I don’t drink anymore.

 

…Those are all my books. I realized I needed a pic of them, something to look at when I wonder why.

 

…Hey, did you happen to see? We passed three and a half million pageviews at some point this week. It’s a little hard for me to believe. Thank you for being here, through thick and a lot of thin. I’m so grateful.

 

…What a treat to revisit a forgotten album and realize all over how great it still is.

 

…Who knew skin tags would be a thing?

 

…“I was a romantic and sentimental creature, with a tendency towards solitude.” Isabel Allende, The House of the Spirits

 

…At least if you’re feeling full, you’re feeling something. 

 

…I know those peculiar lumps all over my arm were merely misplaced saline, but they just as easily could have been pockets of trapped fury.

 

…Apparently angels clock out at the end of the day. too.

 

…Listening more, better—what a good idea!

 

…You can’t love the snow if it’s only on your terms.

 

…“You appeared in 54 searches.”

 

…I can’t be the only one who weighs themselves every day, can I?

 

…COVID was an extremely horrible period, but this is its own kind of horror.

 

--“How do you deal with mentally ill people who won’t help themselves?”

--“Date them for two years.”

 

…What a sight, to watch the eagle flying through the falling snow.

 

…You know things are wonky when you can’t even keep the promises you make to yourself.

 

…Sometimes it’s hard to know how to be a good friend.

 

…Until last year, I never knew how many things I didn’t know.

 

…Bathing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

 

…You have to have a lot of confidence to call yourself “Baby” in third person, but if you can pull it off, it’s kind of cute.

 

--“How’s it going?”

--“Up and not crying.” 

 

…I saw someone wearing a t-shirt that said: INNER PEACE BEGINS WITH FOUR WORDS—not my fucking problem.

But what if it is my problem?

 

…What kind of kid hates snow days? I did. What a weirdo.

 

…There’s an ad I get on my phone occasionally that shows this frisky dog hopping and pouncing around trying to capture a jiggly rubber ball. Talk about cute. I could watch that thing for hours.

 

…When John came back to the east coast as president of the company and visited my store, the first thing he wanted to do was go to the receiving dock and meet the people working there. Not knowing who he was, a new guy I didn’t know got friendly with John right away, and John being John was as kind to him as could be. This guy danced around about his car breaking down and asked could John loan him a little something. After John had handed over $50 and we were walking away I said, “You know that guy was only scamming you, right?” And John said, “Len, you know it was only fifty dollars, right?” and we walked up to the main level.

 

…“Suffering feels religious if you do it right.”  Chelsea Hodson

 

…I’ve heard of a burst blood vessel, but a burst vein? Hurts like fucking hell.

 

…Can’t make it up, even if you tried.

 

…It’s hard to imagine how the ducks can tolerate the frigid lake, let alone them diving under repeatedly.

 

...“To be honest, the way I feel about my friendships does border on the romantic. I want to sing love songs for them. Ones about long evenings together, waking up together, cooking for them, long phone calls, expressiveness.” Sophie Mackintosh

 

…Even the diamonds look like rocks to the untrained eye.

 

…“We want to keep your heart rate as low as possible, so don’t use your inhaler beforehand unless you have to. We understand that breathing is important.”

 

…“When you have depression it's like it snows every day. Some days it's only a couple of inches.” Anthony Bourdain

 

…I wonder how many letters never get sent.

 

…Whenever getting needle stuck, never offer up your dominant hand, even if the veins look better there.

 

…When you grow up poor, you’re always poor in your mind, even if you have it all.

 

…Things from the “What did they say?” category this week that caught my eye:

    --“This is one of the worst people ever born.” Van Jones on Darren Beattie, former white nationalist appointed to undersecretary of state for public diplomacy.

    --“Cocaine is no worse than whisky. It should be sold just like wine. It’s only illegal because it comes from Latin America.” Colombian President Gustavo Petro  

    --“It is what it is. Let’s ride, Warden.” Steven Nelson’s last words after being executed for killing a pastor in his own church, days after being released from a court-ordered anger management program.

    --“Are you trying to remove that, because it doesn’t come off.” Adrien Brody to a makeup artist mistaking his nose for a prosthetic

 

…When it’s this cold out, it’s really hard to get out of the shower.

 

…Isn’t it supposed to be give-and-take? Because I think it is.

 

…“i am running into a new year

and the old years blow back

like a wind

that i catch in my hair

like strong fingers like

all my old promises and

it will be hard to let go

of what i said to myself

about myself”

          --Lucille Clifton

 

…Hey, have a great Super Bowl weekend. I hope your team wins.

—IF IT WAS FUNNY, WOULDN’T WE ALL BE LAUGHING?  

 

 

‘Round Here 

  

We are all on 

the same spectrum 

locked in a dungeon 

where rats peek through 

the jagged creases of cinderblock 

holding listening devices and

assault weapons

each of us held for treason or 

reasons as thin as hope

One of us cocks a finger 

at his brow while another 

brave soul sings a corny tune

This land is your land

This land is my land

before having his 

tongue ripped out 

numbered and tagged

 

—ANYTHING BUT THAT

 

 

the fourth reich

  

     there’s someone walking around on the roof   did you notice   someone duct-taping the vents   and binding the blinds   someone manning the kilns   someone shredding books   someone stationed at the door with artillery   someone raising a flag   someone lifting a hot palm   someone else marking the windows with an ancient insignia that looks new and familiar again