—I’VE SEEN IT RAIN AND FIRE IN THE SKY

 

 

…The pandemic (which is still going on, but has now somewhat passed its deadly peak) affected us all differently. 

For example, some people wore masks while some others thought TFWI.

For example, some people got vaccinated while others thought vaccination was a hoax or some kind of plot drummed up by the Left.

For example, some people were very sad because their way of life had been so altered i.e., not being able to commence with friends and family, or, at least, not in the same way. 

For example, some people stopped shopping all together, except for food and necessities.

Me, I shopped tons. More than ever.

I mean, I shopped A LOT. 

Online.

Way, way too much. 

At the time (I see now), it felt like I was giving myself the gift of hope—to get a shirt, or belt, or bracelets jackets necklaces shoes sweaters vests… in the mail.

Even though I couldn’t go out and wear any of these new purchases, buying that stuff was kind of like betting on the future, betting on hope, betting that things would eventually end up okay. 

But I looked at my closet the other day, really studied it, and saw how stuffed, how obese, it was, and I was right back there again, in the thick of those old N days, though back then it was suits and ties and a plethora of pocket squares, while now it is joggers and cashmere sweaters and shoes for fucking days on end.

It’s just one more thing to remind me that I’ve got a massive hole in me that I try to fill with other things, desperate as hell, and yes, I know that’s not healthy whatsoever. 

 

…I understand how important the power of self-talk is, yet, hey, this is me. What the hell am I going to say to myself?

 

…I could use a grand kid, or a puppy.

 

…This is the time of morning that feels very much like night. As if night will never end.

 

…Gosh, the mind has so many things to tell you, so many tools on hand, yet sometimes they’re sharp enough skin you alive.

 

…A longer-than-normal hug can solve so many things.

 

…Orange trees. Seeing one, for the first time, I thought it was a trick, like seeing Malibu, or a naked woman for the first time, or a calf being born, or Lucy waiting at the door for me.

I mean, how can anything possibly be that magnificent and sacred?

 

…Just to smell a rose right now would be something.

 

…I haven’t figured out the art of napping. Upon waking, I just feel drugged, like a Zombie without feelings or any sense of direction.

 

…Sometimes a long, hot shower is a form of deliverance. I’ll be having one soon.

 

…When the birds really go at it, chirping away, it reminds me how good life is.

 

…The other night I couldn’t sleep at all because the rain was flexing its muscles so hard and it sounded like someone was constantly coming into the bedroom, perhaps carrying a very sharp weapon. So, I just got up at 3 am, same as now. Sleep: TFWI.

 

…We’ve been at this for a long, long time.

..."All work, and no play, makes Jack a dull boy."

 

…Maybe sadness is a form of Stockholm Syndrome.

 

…Can you imagine living in Ukraine? Not knowing if, at any second, a bomb is going to drop on your home, or hospital, or school?

 

…Whatever saves you on those low days, you’ll do well to hold it very tight, gentle yet firm.

 

…I’m deleting as I’m going, which seems very wise in the moment.

 

…“You can always call me anytime,” is wonderful to hear, very thoughtful and tender, but when you’re there (the other you) buckled under the shelf, you don’t want to call anyone. You just want the shelf to 

drop 

hard

and be sure to

hit its mark.

 

…Thank God for family.

 

…Thank God for friends. 

 

…Thank God for the guillotine, with its beginning and its end. 

 

…So, let’s just end the start of the weekend with this quirky piece, by one of the best writers of our time (he died four days ago), the late, great Simic…

 

  

Comedy of Errors at an Elegant Downtown Restaurant

 

The chair is really a table making fun of itself. The coat tree has just learned to tip waiters. A shoe is served a plate of black caviar.

'My dear and most esteemed sir,' says a potted palm to a mirror, 'it is absolutely useless to excite yourself.'" 

- Charles Simic