—LET’S ALL TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK OUR LOCAL RAINDROPS

 

 

The Pisces—Melissa Broder

 

 

--It’s an art to believe your own lies.

 

--Maybe this is why people had friends—so we could see ourselves and our own insanity in them.

 

--I laughed with her, but also I shivered. This was what happened to girls like us. We were wired to die.

 

--To want what you had—now that was an art, a gift maybe.

 

--Who was I if I wasn’t trying to make someone love me?

 

--I had figured it out. If you just stayed away from everything dangerous long enough, other people in your life would show you yourself and what you shouldn’t be doing.

 

--Fear is a great intoxicant in its own way.

 

--And destruction. Destruction can be sexy.

 

--I guess the gaps are sort of a reminder that, in love, things get disconnected. People just disappear.

 

--It’s important. I think it’s very important that you be well fucked.

 

--So many things were both true and a lie, depending on how you felt in the moment.

 

--I can’t tell you if it’s a sickness or the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

 

--Everything is nothing and everything is beautiful.

 

--There was vulnerability, a bit of madness even, and what it revealed was that he truly loved me, and that love could be grotesque.

 

--I think everyone is looking for someone. And I think that if they aren’t, they’re just pretending.

 

--It scared me to be needed.

 

--But death wasn’t gentle. It was a robber. It stole you out of yourself, and you became a husk.

 

--He made me feel like a special little pea.

 

--The question is not what is love, but is it really love I’m looking for?

 

--Fuck me, I said to the palm trees.

--Forgive me, I said.

--I made a mistake, I said. 

 

--Listen, your sister can find another dog. But there’s only one You.

 

--Whatever it is you’re doing, you don’t have to do it.

 

--Didn’t we all just want a thousand hard cocks attached to the bodies of boys who have died for us, still warm, to plug our infinite holes?

 

--I loved him too. But at the same time, who knew what love was exactly?

 

--I wondered if we were both inherently evil people. Bad women. Were we? Evil people rarely know they’re evil. Maybe this was why we had to die.

 

--Listen, it’s not your fault he couldn’t handle his shit. Never trust an addict, not even a dog.

 

--Do you ever feel that way? Like you’re the worst one and there is no hope for you?

 

--Who cares what I’m doing? I’m only hurting myself. But Dr. Jude had told her that wasn’t true. She said there would be casualties, that there were always casualties.

 

--What a pleasant surprise. You look like you again. You look like you’re back. 

 

--Eventually you have to choose. That’s how the story has always been and that’s the way it will be forever.

 

It was my own nothingness to have and to hold. In my mind I called it a fucker and turned off the light.