--I'M LOSING MYSELF, BIT BY BIT

…I’m on Twitter and Facebook even though I never really know what to say on them.

I never feel very witty or clever, but I do enjoy what other people have to say.

Here are some real, unedited Facebook posts that I found interesting, for whatever reason, from the last couple of days:

-“I want to be a cunt for the rest of my short life.”

-“Now have to outbid the guy who outbid me…mano mano baby bird.”

-“Dear Oregon,

I’d like to pump my own gas now”.

-“Call your name, 2, 3 times in a row.”

-“I’m not doing very good today.”

-"Last night at dinner, out of the blue, my 4 year old says: 'Mom, you shouldn't drink liquor. Daddy says you get drunk'."

-"I hate everybody; at least I can do it with a smile on my face.”

-"Do you like vegetables? I've always been fond of root crops."

-“Keep praying.”

-"Dear God I need you now more than ever! Why does pain have to hurt so much and hurt for so long and happiness only comes in small doses that doesn't last very long?"

-"I need a virtual hug.  Please."

-"Someone has stolen my bank card details and all my money is gone. Typical Monday."

-"Martin Van Buren."

-"Pretty sure this day cannot get any worse. Tell me something good, please?"

-"Bored food engineers + smoking crack = McDonalds Fish McBites."

-"False humility is incredibly unappealing."

 -"Day of Fail just keeps on failing. They double-booked my shift tonight, so I walked up the hill at 9pm for absolutely no reason whatsoever."

 -"Thunder Muscle."

-"Drawing people's nipples is always fun."

-“Just dropped my phone into a bowl of pho, so this whole Facebook status smells like shrimp pho.”

-“If loving coffee is wrong, I don't wanna be right.”

-“It's shameful that I often find myself wanting to "like" emails rather than respond to them.”

-“thank u for being my frend.”

-“I wish it weren't only Facebook that asked how I'm feeling. I wish my car door asked it. And the auto-check-out screen at the grocery store. And sidewalks I walk on a lot.”

-"Fuck."