—I GOT A HAPPY MEAL AND A BASEBALL

 

(Caution: This is not a happy read, a rare, early Thursday/Friday post.) 

 

 

…And just when you think you can’t possibly cry anymore, you can.

 

…There’s a point where you can’t go back, as if you ever could.

 

…Who you call first in that moment says so much.

 

…I was always an ardent defender of our political system. When people lambasted politicians, I got up in arms. Now I’m not so sure. I’d be pretty embarrassed to be a Senator today.

 

…I could sure use a mogul right now.

 

…I’ve got a lot to say, and nothing at all.

 

…Maybe I’ll say what you already know, that life is unfair.

 

…For me, books have been the things that have kept me alive. Sometimes, when I thought even they couldn’t.

 

…It’s taken me all this time to get to “Mom” and “Dad.” Fuck, what was I waiting for?

 

…“I was a country girl, but there were lots of boys after me.” Mom never would have said this if she hadn’t been sedated, but I’m glad she did. 

 

...Death creates not only commiseration, but a lot of beauty afterward. It sprawls and lands wherever it’s gonna land.

 

…Don’t you hate it when you get a song stuck in your head and, no matter what, it won’t leave you be?

 

…If you could see what I see, you’d probably see it differently.

 

…Do you hear yourself right now?

 

…I don’t even think therapy would help, but I’ll get through it.

 

…I’m not so sure about faux friends, who show up once a year, if that. I don’t think I trust them.

 

…Is trust a bigger word than love? Hmm.

 

…You could run me over right now and I wouldn’t feel a thing.

 

…Sorry to be so gloomy, but it might be a while. My bones feel like jelly.

 

…You don’t even want to read what I wrote earlier. Trust me. Trust me on that.

 

…Sometimes I’ll rub my forehead and skin will flake off, visibly, and I’ll think, there I go.

 

…I haven’t been able to get “3 Feet Tall” out of my head, even after taking all those cans up and back. And that’s a bit of a big problem.

 

…What are you working on?

 

…I always leave something on the plate. It’s like a stamp of approval, perverse, but real, something you can see, and sign off on.

 

…And it’s not like I don’t ever want to be happy again. But just maybe not today.

 

…Maybe you could show me what makes you glad and then I could try to mimic that.

 

…I don’t think I’ve ever been fickle, though I’m not suggesting being fickle is a bad thing.

 

…I must be the only person whose favorite color is orange—orange car, phone, socks, shoes and coat, the hoodie I’m wearing right now.

 

…Writers are the best people, the best example of what it is to be human—flawed, insecure, creative, observant, lovers of wonder.

 

…I suddenly got a hankering to play, of all things, “Two Tickets to Paradise.”

 

…You should see the waves on the lake right now. They’re a kaleidoscope of fears and all kinds of  wonder.   

 

…So, yeah, I’m already worn out and you’re just getting started. Good for you. I mean that. I’m not being snarky. I think the sun’ll come out tomorrow. Right? I mean, won't it?

 

…I think I’d be lot better if I was with my Bllllll!!!! right now. I wish I was. See you next month.