—HEY, KIDS, SHAKE IT LOOSE TOGETHER

 

 

…The birds must think I’m crazy, pacing the kitchen island like I do each morning, so many hours before dawn.

 

...Let’s just say it one more time, for emphasis: Be calm.

 

…I think I could do anything if I just felt safe enough.

 

…It doesn’t matter what the sign says if you never read it.

 

…Jesus must be really busy today, and I totally get that.

 

…My earliest memory (age 4) is hearing my parents fight. It seems strange, because, even though I never really knew him, I can’t fathom my biological father ever being angry. Yet he was.

 

...What I don’t get at all is gun lust.

 

…Have I told you how ugly my feet are? They really are atrocious. Shrek must have nicer toes than mine.

 

…Maybe bookstores will make a comeback. It could happen. I mean, after all, T*^%# became our 45^th President somehow.

 

…When I look in the mirror, it’s reality staring back at me. I see this nude sapling, aged 62. But in my head, that kid is still 16 or thereabouts.

 

…Most people will tell you that poets obsess over the moon too much, but I’m not sure that’s such a bad thing.

 

…If you don’t have some kind of vice, I’m not sure I trust you.

 

…Taking the big risk. Now there’s a thing.

 

…If I could make sense of all the nonsense I scribble onto paper late at night, when it seems profound in the moment, I’d be Stephen King, or else Stephen Hawking.  

 

…Other than food, I can only recall my father buying me one thing: a pair of Levi’s. I got the wrong ones, though, not the popular “shrink-to-fit” style of the day. This pair was stiff and rigid and didn’t shrink whatsoever.

For some unknown reason, I was on the Junior High baseball team. One day, somehow, I hit the ball pretty far, and sliding into second base, wearing that pair of jeans, I got cleated. I ended up with 27 stiches in my knee. (The scar’s still there to prove it.) 

My mother sewed the pants up. The thread made a perfect “L” shape. For Len, or loser, you decide.

I wore those things the whole year, and then some.

It was all I had.

 

…In Seattle, where it rains for four months straight, it’s hard to bitch about the sun, except for when it’s staring you straight in the eye like it is right now.

 

…It’s not really that difficult to be a good friend. Just show up. Take a minute or two to convey something heartfelt. Be honest and vulnerable for once. Show, don’t tell.

 

…I admit I’m jealous of people who have good, supportive families. I don’t begrudge them at all, but I am envious.

 

…Sometimes it’s a little unsettling to think that Jesus is watching everything I do. I hope he looks away now and then.

 

…Memory is a tricky thing, right? Like, is that really how it was, or did I make it into something entirely different?

 

…Isn’t it wonderful that in America, you can look up today’s weather, or else the day’s latest mass shooting.    

 

…I was born in North Dakota, moved to Spokane when I was 5. (Those have to be two of the whitest places in America.)

I didn’t meet my first person of color until I was 9 years old.

I remember at Libby Junior High, there was this girl named Denise. She seemed to like me for some reason, not like as a girlfriend, but as a friend. I can’t remember what I said or did, but at one point I recall her slapping me, giving me a nose bleed.

I wish I could go back and relive those moments.

It’s not an excuse, yet it’s difficult to integrate and understand others when there aren’t any other different people around you. 

I’ll be frank and admit that I wish I had some black friends. Even one.

When I managed the Pentagon City store at N, I was a minority in my own store. 70 percent of the employees were black. I did everything I could to learn and assimilate—I read Malcom X and Medgar Evers, James Baldwin, etc. I understand that’s not enough, but I really did try.

I’m still trying.

 

…“Love is like war—easy to start, but very hard to stop.” H. L. Mencken

 

…“So, go on and play, and if you make a mistake, make it loud so you won't make it next time." Art Blakey

 

…I smashed my glass on the bar. Guess I got carried away. 

 

..Waiting for a letter from someone you care about is a lot like waiting for your soul to heal.

 

…“It’s not a competition. It’s a doorway.” Mary Oliver

 

…If I took a nap right now, chances are I’d never wake up.

 

…You kill yourself, you hurt a lot of other people in the process, which is probably one of the main reasons not to take your own life.

 

…And that’s why today is a good day to be alive.