--ONCE IN A WHILE, LIGHTNING STRIKES, AND IT’S A GOOD THING

…Hey Monday.  I’m ready for you.

…It actually rained here yesterday, the first time in 62 days.  It’s strange how you can despise something, then when it’s gone for a long time, you welcome it back with open arms.

…I’m feeling okay, like maybe I can write again.  The stone has rolled away.  My aim is to create all day and to appreciate being able to do so.

…I have a lot of flaws.  One is I’m not very good at sharing my bad things, the shame things.  I’m going to work on changing that.

…My dog, Lucy, is curled up under my chair.  It’s pretty adorable how loyal dogs are, how much they can love a human unconditionally.  It’s love in a different sphere.

…I need to stop thinking about mortality, although it’s helped me get busy figuring things out.

…I used to feel awkward and embarrassed to tell people I was a writer.  I’m not anymore.  It’s interesting, though, that when I tell them now, eighty percent of the people reply with, “I’m going to write a book someday.”  Everyone thinks they can write a book.  Not a chance.  It’s fucking hard.

…I’ve seen a lot of deer lately.  It always makes me happy.  They are so svelte and serene, languid.  Most of them have been really tame.  They move slowly and I’m able to chat them up.  They seem to hear what I’m saying.  I know how weird that sounds, but if you were there you’d understand.

…In high school, I was so shy I would eat lunch in the back of the library by the poetry section.

…When I was in the corporate world, everyone who knew me didn’t really know me at all.  They thought I was an extrovert, this guy who was comfortable in crowds, who was a great public speaker, who had a lot going for him.  It’s funny how wrong people can be.

…When I think about how old I am I never think I’m as old as I am.  Most of the time, in my head, I’m either nine or sixteen.  Sixteen is better than nine.  Trust me on that.

…There was a guy I worked with who had pool water blue eyes.  I once told him, “You have beautiful eyes.”  He looked at me like I was insane or someone to be feared.  It was very awkward.  Sometimes you need to keep the truth to yourself.  But the problem is I do that a lot.

…Most of the time I feel very lucky, fortunate and blessed.

…I worry about strange things, like the drug violence in Mexico, like the 30 children in India who died last week in hospitals because there wasn’t enough oxygen.  It’s probably unhealthy to worry about things I can’t affect.

…My mother was a complicated woman.  I hate how much she still lives in me, yet in a lot of ways she made me a better person.

…I used to believe “there’s a reason for everything” but not so much anymore.

…Sometimes you need to take a second look at things, and look very closely, even if it hurts.

…The one thing about God that always troubled me was where did God come from?

…My neighbor is building a shed that’s as big as a house.  Truly, it is.  Guys and their sheds/garages…  I’d like to build a big bookstore in my back yard.

…I think the worst thing about people is their ego.  It’s rare to meet someone who’s truly selfless.  My ego is a boulder I keep trying to toss over my shoulder, but it’s too heavy.

…Sometimes when I’m in my car I turn the stereo (is it still called stereo?) up as loud as it can go and sing along, shouting.  When I’m really angry, my go-to song is “Pocket Full Of Shells” by Rage Against The Machine.  Give it a listen.

…My big question about God is, if he is all-knowing, then didn’t he know Adam and Eve would sin, and if he did, what is all this other shit about?

…Once you realize there’s no going back, you have to try very hard to hold steady.

…The Hold Steady is the name of a band I was really into a couple of years ago.  Give them a listen.

…I sometimes think about Helen Keller and wonder how she did it.  What an incredibly strong person.

…I know I’m rambling here, but it feels kind of good.  You should try it yourself sometime.

…One of my favorite moments was when my son was young and saw a double rainbow.  He was pointing and bouncing up and down on the grass shouting, “Double rainbow!  Double rainbow!”  I don’t want to lose that childlike sense of wonder.

…One of my least favorite expressions is, “I’m just killing time.”  No one should kill time.

…When I grow up, I want to be authentically happy.  I’d like to know what that is.

…”Reasons for living, never come cheap…”  That’s a Duncan Sheik lyric.  It plays in my head often.  Same as, “I am barely breathing…”

…About his second album, my old Admin said, “Duncan has sunken.”  I thought was pretty funny and clever, yet also sad.

…”People should smile more…”  That’s a lyric from Newton Faulkner.  He’s definitely right about that.  Let’s try it.

…It’s a little alarming how much music means to me.

…”I am ready to say goodbye.”  That’s never something anyone wants to hear.

…”I really miss you.”  That’s something everyone wants to hear at some point.

…Sometimes I think I’m too easily fascinated.   

…I try to pay attention, but I could probably be better at it.

…From now on, I’m going to stop and smell the roses wherever they’re growing, even if I get stuck by a couple of thorns.

…It’s time for me to get busy.  Have I ever told you how grateful I am that you read my scribbles, whoever you are?  I am.  Grateful.  For you.