--WE’RE ON A ROAD TO NOWHERE

…There’s a massive Block Party on Capitol Hill in Seattle this weekend.  Want to go with me?

I think there are over 100 bands playing.  It must be difficult to come up with a band name that isn’t already taken.  Look at some of these:

Wolfgang Fuck

So Pitted

Sex Blister

Blood Drugs

The War on Drugs

Gaytheist

Great God Damn

Childbirth

Dum Dum Girls

Ever So Android

Tacos! (that’s their exclamation mark)

We don’t have to see any of those bands.  There are others.  I did once go to a concert where The Dum Dum Girls opened for Vampire Weekend.  “Their songs exist in that gauzy space between languid and hazily upbeat, draped in black leather jackets and swaths of reverb.”  That’s how The Stranger described them, which is pretty apt actually.

After the concert we can go to Pioneer Square and eat at the hot new restaurant called “Damn The Weather.” (another great name.)

…I never know what to say on Twitter or Facebook.  I’m not clever enough and I don’t think anything going on in my life is interesting enough to share, especially not pictures of my food.  But there are some witty folks out there.

Take a peek:

-Life is as exciting as frozen blueberries in the fridge that used to be wild.

-I just did the one thing no depressive should do. I weighed myself.

-When you laugh, the world laughs with you... but when you cry, people want to send you to seminars led by an enormous white man with hirsute black brows, a maniacal grin, and oversized hands that are more visible than his head some one hundred and fifty yards distant.

-Never take advice from anyone wearing a wireless microphone and pacing the stage like a caged panther.

-She said: You are not beautiful but you're complex.
I said: And that's better, right?
She said: (dramatic pause) Depends.

-i wanna be adored.

-It's 3 am. Do you know where your poets are?

-I was in a super annoyed mood and then I saw the 50 Shades trailer and now I'm just cackling because holy shit I've heard better dialogue in actual porn.

-If you want, you could get a job at the dump and spend your lunch hour smashing stuff apart with a sledge for therapy and exercise.

-Since leaving the ex-boyfriend Mother's Day weekend I've added and deleted approximately 50 different men from my fucked up flip phone. I've had sex with four different men. They all had one thing in common: horrible breath. Thanks, ____ _____, for directing me to ashleymadison.com. It works. I said I was done. Taking a sabbatical for a while. Then I checked my inbox on a whim and found a cowboy. I've never had a cowboy. There's a picture of him in real rodeo action. So I sent him a stupid message. "Hey good lookin'...whatcha got cookin'? God I hope you have good hygiene. I'm tired of kissing men with horrible breath." That's one thing the ex has going for him. Excellent hygiene.

-Eddie Vedder, stop singing about hiding your love away. I don't fucking believe you.

-Fuck towing companies they are evil vulturous bastards.

-Never give up on a determined chicken.

-Today my 20 year old daughter, who takes the Metro bus home daily from her summer Chemistry class at the University of Washington, reported sitting behind a man who was eating an unpeeled banana. That's right, skin on, everything. Trying to get more fiber in his diet?

-The best part of my day so far has been chasing a cockroach around my apartment and successfully murdering it. How's your day going?

-I was just about to slam into this car when I saw a sign that said "Baby On Board." Then I was like, whoa, better go run somebody else off the road, murder them, and eat their heart.

-Turns out I am not very good at swatting flies.