—I JUST NEED ONE GOOD ONE

 

sustenance

 

you need air and food and slumber you need clothing and shelter and safety you need reasons for joy to feel grateful to forgive or forget you could not exist without the sun or the moon’s steady pull you need artistry painters poets your stuffed black chair a thick book a puppy when you’re blue a child’s peal of laughter a good friend a best friend’s advice and damp blouse you need the ocean some pool of water to keep you dazzled and puzzled you need your history what’s left of your family you need a song to hum dreams that might make sense tomorrow you need a challenge new skin fresh eyes outrageous lips to kiss you need a love poem that makes you blush and bloom we both know that you need to smile more relax more you need all these things as much as a future but darling you don’t need me

—HELLO LAMPOST, WHAT’CHA KNOWIN’?

 

 

Bedtime Stories

  

I am trying to tell my daughter 

there were once things called 

butterflies—

insects light as a whisper 

as fragile and brilliant as 

a piece of painted rice paper 

startling and sacred 

how they barely outlived the bees 

and ladybugs decorated on her backpack

that they would flutter more than fly 

though some called Monarchs 

traveled 3,000 miles to Mexico each year 

stopping who-knows-where along the way

      —when she lightly thumps my chest 

with her little girl fist

amused and yelling from the bed

 Mom! Dad’s making up stories about

strange creatures again!

—I’M A SIDE THAT NO ONE’S ROOTING FOR

 

 

…One of my problems is I put too much stock into what the people I care about say. I’m finding they often don’t mean the half of it, or even any of it at all.

 

…When I run to the window, I’m only making sure the world’s still there.

 

…And when I say I’ve lost it, well, that could mean anything.

 

…Maybe AI could invent an app that would allow you to cut-and-paste parts of your life.

 

…This may be mean but it made me laugh: Someone put up a photo of Marjorie Taylor Green that said: IF A YEAST INFECTION WAS A PERSON

 

…A pen is a strange thing if you think about it, the tip dispersing ink on paper merely by pressure.

 

…I’d bite my tongue if I had any tongue left to bite.

 

…Sometimes the emptiness is the biggest flirt I’ve ever met.

 

…The only time I can remember laughing during the pandemic was watching, “Arthur.”

 

…It takes more than a master chef to make a meal out of absence.

 

…Even other people’s prayers, after a while, are exhausting.

 

…I just learned category fraud was a thing.

 

…I also discovered you can’t copyright a word or a title.

 

…Is it wrong to want people to care as badly about the things you do?

 

--“You could write a happy story if you tried, right?”

--“Nope.”

 

…What I had in mind was spending the night with a stranger who loves me. 

 

…What do you do when the puzzle won’t piece?

 

…Maybe I’m just scared of how you’ll answer.

 

…Sometimes I get jealous of the trees.

 

…“I write when I am inspired, and I see to it that I am inspired at nine o’clock every morning.” Peter De Vries

 

…I’m not sure who looks good in a bucket hat. Maybe Gilligan?

 

…Sometimes it’s simply easier to pretend everything’s okay.

 

…A person who stays up reading the whole night is a person I’d like to get to know.

 

…Seeing an ad for dogs or puppies always makes me happy, then a bit sad afterward.

 

…Jeff Lynne, the genius not enough people know.

 

…You’re a hooker? Jesus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing great with you!

 

…I think we knew how good we had it. What do you think?

 

…“Cold hands, warm heart.” I don’t know about that.

 

…“There are no possible moves.”

 

…I got an email with the Subject line that read: YOU ARE GETTING SCREWED, and my first thought was, How does this spambot know me so well?

 

…“I didn’t want to be entertained by a book. I wanted to be provoked.” Joanna Rakoff, My Salinger Year

 

…SPIKE IN SHOOTINGS NEAR YOU:

We found 3 shootings near your neighborhood over the last 7 days. That’s 3.2 times more than average. 

 

…If you get points for restraint, wouldn’t I have a million by now?

 

…Maybe the notion of Free Will is just a hoax invented to make us feel better.

 

…But even today feels like yesterday.

 

…“They don’t like me when I’m down.” Mac Miller

 

…YOU APPEARED IN 32 SEARCHES THIS WEEK

 

…“He was afraid in the way most people are afraid when they get what they’ve always wanted.” Joanna Rakoff, My Salinger Year

 

…Is it possible to be so out of place that you disappear?

 

…Do you ever wonder if how you think of yourself is different than how others do?

 

…I think you’re doing better than I am, and I’m happy about that.

 

--Oh stay with me Hobson. You know I hate to be alone.

--Yes, bathing is a very lonely business.

--Except for fish.

--Pardon? Did you say “except for fish?”

--Yes, fish all bathe together. Though they do tend to eat each other. I often think fish must get awfully tired of sea food. What are your thoughts, Hobson?

 

…Sometimes I wonder if I’m a nitpicky bitch.

 

…40% of Americans haven’t read a single book in the last 12 months. They don’t know how much they’re missing out. 

 

…I sure hate hearing my own voice. Someone once told me that I talk inside my mouth when I’m nervous. I think they meant I mumble and sound like I’m sucking on limestone.

 

…Reading too much into things is a thing I wish I didn’t do.

 

...“You’re tired of telling yourself

     not to write about your mother”

--Todd Dillard, Survivor Parable

 

…Last week I said something out loud that I’ve never said before in my life, something I’ve never meant more: “I hate him so much.”

 

…Sometimes your greatest accomplishment is how you lift up those around you.

 

…Anymore “Breaking News” alerts feel like death threats.

 

…I watched a seven-piece band play Latin music to a crowd of frenzied dancers. The band isn’t famous and probably never will be, but they played with so much gusto you’d have thought they were auditioning for talent scouts. They looked so happy to just be doing the thing they loved. It was a good slap to the head for me when I wonder why I should even want to put another book out that only fifty people might read.

 

…I’d really like to meet Lisa Taddeo, but I’d be sort of scared to.

 

…Sometimes “Faking it ‘til you make it” is impossible.

 

…Can you remember too much? Probably. But it doesn’t matter anyway, because the important stuff—good or bad—stays affixed to your life like super glue.

 

…The quandary is how to stay informed while not wanting to kill yourself.

 

…Every day, without fail, the sun comes up. And every day, without fail, I get a song stuck in my head for the day's duration.

 

…I get that memories are unreliable witnesses, but sometimes that’s all you have to go on.

 

…“Aren’t we lucky?” An expression used during captivity by Rose Girone, the oldest Holocaust survivor at 113

 

…One of the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me, after a very important gig, was, “You stuck your landing.”

 

…Writing a poem that you think is good first thing in the morning is a bit like finishing a marathon before breakfast. 

 

…Making a good thing last is another skill I seem to lack.

 

…It’s so quiet right now that the lake looks terrified.

 

…You shouldn’t bitch about getting older if you’re wasting days.

 

…The sun can’t always make things better, but it never stops trying.

 

…When you can’t sleep, what else can you do but write?

 

…“So a poem is an act of noticing. What does it see?” Padraig O Tuama

 

…When I’m all over the place, it means I don’t know where to go.

 

…I never really trust someone who asks me to.

 

…Dog lovers, cat lovers, animal lovers—I usually trust them even if I’ve never met them before. Even if they haven’t said a word.

 

…It’s good to be silly. I should be silly more often, for no reason.

 

…I wonder if Jimmy Fallon smiles or laughs at all when he’s home. Dude must be exhausted. I’m saying this as a big fan. An envious one.

 

…I haven’t seen the beaver in quite a while, but I know he’s there. The wait usually makes it doubly better.

 

…Is “pre-function” still a thing people say?

 

…Curt Cobain never wrote a happy song in his life, and look.

 

…Sometimes when you name something it changes the way you look and feel about it.

 

…I think I have a lot more friends now that I’ve never met, than friends I know in the flesh. And despite how it sounds, that’s not a bad thing.

 

…“Nobody’s perfect” is one of the truer things ever said.

 

…She doesn’t know it, but I call Alicia Keys “Mother Earth.” I love her. I bet she hasn’t been angry more than a dozen times in her life, if that. I’d love to meet her. As John would say, she’s a bright light. Among the very brightest, in my book.

 

…I hope you can see how hard I’m trying.

 

--God, Hobson, isn’t life wonderful?

--Yes it is, Arthur. Do your armpits.

--A hot bath is wonderful! Girls are wonderful!

--Yes, and imagine how wonderful a girl who bathes would be. Get dressed.

 

—IT’S NOBODY’S FAULT, BUT DAMN YOU CAN MAKE A GUY CRY

 

 

We Used to Vacation

 

My brother 

back from the war 

wants to show me 

how easy it is 

to kill a man 

or animals 

who deserve worse 

and in the video 

the village on fire 

crackles and smolders 

so smoky black 

that I swallow 

a glob of char 

all 160 pounds 

of me shivering 

even though it’s 

102 poolside 

and the children 

on screen scream 

and never stop 

screaming  

 

—SLIP FAST, GET CARRIED AWAY

 

 

Nothing

 

In bed, the boy is swarmed by Nothing, Nothing being the thing there’s always too much of, an unfortunate abundance, Nothing palpitating through the walls and pillow case, Nothing shredding the sleep-starter filaments of the boy’s dreams before they can begin to bloom, Nothing omnipresent like a vindictive ghost or a god bully, Nothing watching him soap in the shower, Nothing knocking on his bedroom door after midnight, Nothing following him into the park, Nothing kneeling in the next pew, Nothing peeping through the wormhole fence, Nothing at graduation or prom or his honeymoon where his bride asks why he always answers, Nothing.

 —THERE’S JUST ENOUGH OF YOU IN ME

 

…“One adult telling you that you’ll write a book one day is enough to change your life forever.” Daniela Scrima

 

…Aren’t we all self-absorbed to a degree?

 

…Sometimes there is no cause and effect, just effect.

 

…It’s like Santa Claus—it’s only real if you believe in it.

 

…Paying a person $750 million dollars to play baseball seems very wrong on a lot of different levels.

 

…“If this was all I ever got, it would be the best thing that had ever happened to me, and if this was all I ever got, I’d never stop wanting more of it.” Sally Milz

 

…If you can look the other way, well, I’m quite jealous.

 

…I don’t mind Christians. It’s the perfect ones that bug the fuck out of me.

 

…I really need to get around to seeing The Big Lebowski at some point.

 

…Confident people are super intriguing.

 

…People’s tattoos are also intriguing, for all sorts of reasons.

 

…It’s easy to envy people who never take anything personally.

 

…I’d like to stop overthinking things, beginning with friendships.

 

…An ad I recently saw: BASIC TEES REDEFINED FOR THE CONFIDENT MAN

What the hell does that mean? It’s a t-shirt.

 

…When it comes to aging, while looking at it from a macro viewpoint, it seems to me there are really just two options—bitch about it, or be grateful. 

 

…Who am I to talk?

 

…“The Population Bomb” came out in 1968 warning that the world would soon become so overpopulated there wouldn’t be enough food to feed everyone and that the bulk of the world would suffer severe starvation. Now the world is facing a dramatic population decline predicted to extend for several decades and beyond, maybe forever.

There are a lot of take-aways. I let you have your own.

 

…There’s something special about a stranger smiling at you as they pass by.

 

…How much do you think you’ve changed intellectually and emotionally in the last ten years? In a lot of respects, I’m not even the same person.

  

… “Well, I figured, a plumber is a plumber. You don’t have to be a great plumber to call yourself a plumber, if you are a plumber each day. But what the word poet meant to me when I was a kid, those faces in the little portholes of the Oscar Williams anthology that I carried around with me—those creatures, those beings, were so special, they are so special, they are kind of like angels in some way, whose power of speech extended over time, who were helping us long after they had gone, and delighting us. So I didn’t feel comfortable using that word for myself. But then I figured, that’s what I do, that’s what I do, so that’s what I’m going to call myself.”     

    --Sharon Olds 

 

…I know it sounds stupid, but I never realized how important joy was until the last few months.

 

…You know you’re desperate when you see someone reading, “Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope,” and you write the author’s name down. 

 

…Spotify is pretty amazing—all that music, right there, anytime.

 

…Do you ever get the feeling that there’s something going on that we don’t know about?

 

…Do you wanna fight? Is that what you want? Come on. Come on, you son of a bitch. I'll hit you so hard, I'll kill your whole family.

 

…I was recently told my writing contains “an air of quiet despair.” I guess that’s about right.

 

…We’re such a privileged country that you think the bad things that happen, and have happened elsewhere, can’t happen here. Until they do.

 

 …“I want everybody to see me as I am. Your voice cracks? OK, darlin’, you go right on and keep giving it what you’ve got left, and the audience ignores it and goes right along with you. I’ve found out the way to get myself through to people is just to unzip myself and let everything hang out.” Roberta Flack

 

…My longest Linkin Park to date: it took me nearly a month to pull Sara Bareilles.

 

…Even though it’s only a word game, it’s still a little freaky to play with someone whose screen name is DEATH.

 

…It’s funny how you can have a really bad pain that stays top of mind for a week, but when it goes away, you never think about it again, or even that it was ever there to begin with.

 

…Instead of talking to myself, I’ve started texting myself.

 

…Some people hear things, but I feel them—like that little scrittch-scrittch heartburn in my chest, even when I haven’t eaten anything.

 

…On the phone with a friend we were talking about celebrities who had recently died when my friend said, “While we’re on the topic, how’s your health these days?”

 

…“Try a little tenderness” is a pretty powerful lyric if you really think about it.

 

…Losing stuff sucks until you realize it’s just stuff.

 

…“I don’t want to know,” isn’t always a bad answer. 

 

…The world seems so bizarre anymore. This is a headline that came through on my phone yesterday--“Hamas has handed over the remains of four hostages, the last exchange in the first phase of the cease fire agreement.”

Remains? Hostages? First phase?

 

…I never thought of not eating as fasting. It sounds a lot healthier when you say it that way.

 

…“I think I’m better at using rage and disappointment to fuel my creativity. Happiness makes me uneasy.” Sally Milz

 

…Isn’t the goal to live with our demons, not expect them to go away?

 

…“The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready. The show goes on because it’s 11:30.” Lorne Michaels

 

…From FBK:

I love fish sticks *and* caviar. I love Toni Morrison *and Danielle Steel. I love Fast & Furious *and* Moonlight. I love Mr. Bean *and* your daddy, although he’s nowhere near intelligent as Mr. Bean.

 

…If you start to investigate what’s put into the food we eat, it’s pretty alarming.

 

…“Today is a good day to be alive” is a good reminder.

 

…It’s probably not a great sign if you give someone your book with an inscription and never hear a peep back.

 

…“Trauma sends you letters, without warning, for the rest of your life, usually disguised as something else.” Brenna Twohy

 

…“An editor, in rejecting a piece, said my writing showed "promise." Dude, I don't have that kind of time.” Howie Good

 

…Some days I give away and never get back.

 

…I’ve always found myself drawn to things that bleed some kind of emotion. 

 

…Entering a writing contest is either foolish or ballsy, or both, yet I keep doing it lately.

 

…“Just to be clear, I do lead a life of quiet desperation. I wouldn’t want to be friends with anyone who doesn’t, or anyone who isn’t filled with ambivalence, because I assume they’d be incredibly shallow.” Curtis Sittenfeld

 

…This is one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard a parent say:

‘We remain paralyzed in thought and sorrow.’

 

…Expecting less is always the best option.

 

…Hey, it’s the weekend. I hope yours is all you want it to be.

 

…Nothin’s a lock, Boog. Nothin’s a lock.

—DON’T GO CHASING WATERFALLS

 

 

Ruby

 

At recess, they find a doll beyond the monkey bars—its plastic skin and eyes so alien and offensive that they take turns dismembering it, tittering and squealing as they do. One boy wants to build a fire but doesn’t know how. Another cocks his thumb and forefinger, shooting at the head and dislodged eyes with the same intense sincerity he’s seen his father fake-shoot certain men on TV. Another says, We can bury it alive, which they all agree is the best idea, as they hurry to snap the pieces back in place before digging a trough and jumping on the mound. Walking back to class, the only one who notices the soil spread with blood is the lone child whose favorite color is ruby.