Friday, April 18, 2014


Juvenile Delinquent

everyone else is passing me by
they don’t look but that’s okay
i don’t have anywhere else to go
that cop over there
that cop leaning against the meter
he’s sneering
the same way my mother did when I told her I took second
only this cop has a mustache
not a porn stache
but a bushy squirrel tail peppered with speeding tickets
he asks for ID
i ain’t got it
he wants an address
right here on this curb I say
he asks for a motivation
I tell him boredom
is a cruel bastard
and my old man was one too
he says get in the back of the squad car smart ass
i oblige him
it’s the fourth time in one week
different cop but similar car
no siren or anything
just a window seat
with a pretty good view

Probably Famous

maybe in ten years
you’ll find me or
I’ll find you
you might be sliding down a stripper pole
and I might be holding a benjamin between my teeth
perhaps you’ll become a billboard with a pepsodent smile
your grass-green eyes should be trademarked by now
everyone knows that those abs are off-the-charts ridiculous
anyway you were always more ambitious
bludgeoning cronies on a lark
taking two scoops instead of one
waving wax-on wax-off at the tickertape parade
after all the carnage
it’s insane to think about you
as much as I do
but hey
time’s a slippery bitch
even when you’re wearing boots
whatever city you landed in better hold its breath
call the bomb squad
alert the media
start a very thorough investigation
and fingerprint the witnesses

Suicide Announcement

someone told me
there’s nothing wrong with suicide
so long as you
give folks a head’s up first
sort of like sharing your virginity
with the boy from Holland who visits during summer
well maybe not like that exactly
maybe it’s more like yelling fire In a movie theater
or wearing a scarlet letter on your forehead
either way i’m putting you on notice
no i’m not killing myself
but i am about to murder your darlings
all those panties with the tags still on
all those love letters stashed in a shoe box
i’d like to get our apartment burned down by four
before traffic becomes a bitch
and just before your shift ends
that way we can listen to the sirens together
watch the sky light up
the way you and I never did

The Mayor of New York

a ways north of this dive pub
up on park ave
there’s a woman with a dutch boy haircut
and expensive cat-eyed sunglasses
that she wears
even when it’s dark out
her leather gloves smell like lilacs
sniff them if you don’t believe me
anyway this woman is really something
yeah man she’s a piece of work
the world’s her yo yo
someone should sculpt her likeness if they haven’t already
even without the titles
she’s prime minister and chancellor of this city
if you see
the woman I’m describing
you’ll know it at once
but she won’t bother noticing you
so here’s the favor I need
take a full breath
and yell
your son’s a gay cock-sucker
but god loves him anyway
shout loud and mean each word
make sure everyone else hears it too

Capital Punishment

we hide and seek
around facebook
and chat
while the rest of the world
has fingers
and wet lapping tongues
how strange and cruel
to lock our love inside a technological box
might as well get a hair cut
or be seated upright
ready and willing
in the
electric chair

Mad Man

for some reason
don draper notices me on the subway
maybe we’re both going uptown
perhaps we both have really big dicks
i tell don that he’s such a conniving shit
it’s hard to feel compassion
he asks if i’ve ever watched the show
do I know the half of it
what about the flashbacks
and the switching of the military dog tags
doesn’t that do anything for me
betty draper meets don at his stop
with her fat suit deflated
just a mold of ratty smelling manufactured plastic
and her resplendent anew
how fair is that I ask
it’s fucking tv don says
peggy looms in the background
rocking a tartan school girl uniform
with the skirt drawn high up to her thighs
cleavage spilling over
the top of a crisp white blouse
that’s it I think
my life is nothing but a television show
so much happens
yet I’m always a spectator
go on
go ahead
feed me another fantasy
i’m hungry
and eager as hell


you were at my wedding
i know it
know it like I know promises are usually broken
you were in the back row
the last pew
your head bent
like a collegiate prior to their first hangover
yet you were saying all kinds of meaningful prayers
one must have been meant for me
because I felt it
shot like an arrow
slung at the exact moment of commitment
me becoming something
other than what I should have been


oh hey hi
it’s me again
really I had no idea it was this late
come on don’t hang up
give me a sec
stop with the drama
why don’t you tuck the toddler in
and I’ll come by in an hour
how’s that
see when you talk to me that way is
when I get my dander up
a woman’s supposed to respect her man
yes you are you’re my girl
always will be no matter what
I don’t care about any restraining order
what a word restraining
like i’m some sort of pit bull
as if i’m dangerous
to hell with that it was one time
okay maybe a few others
but you know you can frustrate the hell out of me
you know it
say you’re sorry
say it
damn it say it
okay fine
if we’re going to play things that way
we’ll just see how the game ends
yes I am
i’m coming over
get all the police you can
but do it quick
have them bring shields and shit
because this is the last time
i’m taking your crap
go ahead
cry bawl
i don’t believe you
you’re a liar
i’m a good person
yes i am
listen just shut the fuck up
or i’ll fuck  you up
hey you there
are you
now you’ve done it
hung up on me again
all right bright eyes
here i come
oh yeah
with saddles blazing
you can hide your sweet ass
you can run
but baby
i’m sonar

and i’ll find you

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