Friday, August 7, 2020

 —DON’T GO HITTIN’ THAT PANIC BUTTON, IT AIN’T AS BAD AS YOU THINK

 


The Depression Test

 

Took the depression test today

scored it pretty high

got me feeling really low

but I’m not overeating

though I’ve been overthinking

everything I do

sitting on a thin ledge

wondering ‘bout my real friends

who to turn to when I’m blue

all these blurry seasons

never conjure any reasons

for overthinking everything I do

took an ear to Dylan

kind of feel like I’m him

wondering whether the rain’s

going to let me down again

lost inside false lyrics

don’t really want to bear it

overthinking everything I do

trying to skip the gene pool

mom and dad and me fool

guess I’m just a broke tool

overthinking everything I do

took the depression test last night

skewed north of average

makes me sad and savage

overthinking everything I do

but I know that you’re out there

the one soul who just might care

that I’m overthinking everything I do

so I’ll hit you up later

get out the excavator

stop overthinking everything I do


Wednesday, August 5, 2020


—EVERYTHING’S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT

 

 

Another Day

 

I felt

washed away

stubborn stale

and too damn gray 

but you threw a dart babe

aimed straight for my heart babe

made me reach for another day

I’d been relishing morsels

regretful remorseful

checked cupboards and floorboards

hoping for a safer day

but you threw a dart bug

notched first in my heart bug

now I’m beginning to see a way

you tossed me a lifeline

but it’s been a whole lifetime

since I’ve seen your damp hair in the rain

freaked about traffic

a dent who might ask it

the hopes we’d both buried away

but then you threw a dart bae

flew just like an arch bae

I mean fucking damnit

what the hell can we say

I’d grown simple enough

forgotten my soft touch

acting so not-tough

relying on bad luck

never going to be saved

until you drew that arrow

hit me right in the marrow

made me reach for another day

made me want to live another day

made me want to live

made me want to reach

live reach live

yeah bae

yeah bae

yeah

bae

 

Monday, August 3, 2020


—I’VE SEEN THAT FILM BEFORE, AND I DIDN’T LIKE THE ENDING

 

 

Disciple

 

Spent all my

time praying

to a dead man

in disguise

fatted calf

broken staff

x’s but no eyes

 

He looked just

like a savior

a shadow

you might trust

then what a rout

freaked me out

god turning into dust

 

It takes a

true believer

to find an

honest rainbow

empty pot

guy got shot

stealing all that gold

 

And if I’m an

easy target

just let me

be amused

a little dumb

kinda numb

the type to self-abuse

 

There is no  

explanation

just what’s written

on the wall

how I should leave

or maybe grieve

abandoned after all

 

Friday, July 31, 2020


—HOW DID WE GO FROM THAT TO THIS?

 

loose

 

is that blood

on my wrist

or wine

please take

your time

answering

i’m trusting

you like i trust

the shame-free

wind that heckles

me most days

this room is so

fucking fond of

fucking with me

all hoodlum walls

and fake photos

when what i

really need is

your soft / firm

hand / cheek

to hold onto

so for now i’ll

keep clinging to

these brittle edges

and hope that

i’m not your

loose end

the thing you

can’t shake

but really want to


Wednesday, July 29, 2020


—I’VE BEEN BUSY, PACING AND RUNNING MY MOUTH


graveyard walk

I unstrung
my bones
today
took them for
a graveyard walk
to talk to
the ghosts
I haven’t
seen since
I buried
one half
of myself
and I know
what you’d say
if you were
with me now
how I’m
the king of pain
whether it’s true
or fiction
but I plucked
some weeds anyway
and dusted off
the lonesome
headstones
to see if
their names were
still spelled right
it’s funny/not funny
what the dead
have to tell you
all the truths
they couldn’t
while alive
like how they
wish it’d been
different
and how sorry
they are that
they had you

Monday, July 27, 2020



—I’VE BEEN TRYNA FILL UP ALL THIS EMPTY


Thicket

I watched a
fawn traipse
through the lawn
this morning
agile and uncertain
yet graceful like a
dancer pointing
in her shoes
each tic of sound
causing her to test
the air the way
the hunted never
trust the trees
I let her take down
every plant and flower
because she was
such a beauty
a bit of wonder and
magic wearing fur
with those
foxglove-looking ears
that glistening wet nose
and when I
opened the window
she remained in a
state of repose
her eyes fixated
eyes like two
shimmering
brown moons
so I read her the
poem in my head
with all the inflection
and feeling I’d believed
while writing it
and after I finished
she gave me a nod
and smiled before
disappearing
into the thicket
like the fickle
ghost of joy

Friday, July 24, 2020


—YOU HAVE THE ONLY THING GOING THAT’S WORTH WAITING FOR

a.m. rainbow

in the frail morning
you show me clemency
turning to my side
with a poignant kiss
dawn pressing against
the shaded panes
you pressed against me
us tattooed together
warm as mauritius
your uneven eyes
sleepy yet alert
taking me in like a
detective that needs
more information
and just like that
i’m yours again
every old bit of me
still yearning
and churning
me sucking down air
realizing how you’ve
changed the  
echo chamber
of my heart
indigo running coral
coral to chartreuse
periwinkle fronting
our very own
a.m. rainbow
gleaming above
the headboard
when i realize
the only reason
worth moving is
to get another / better
glimpse / taste
of you / u
and soon i’m
curling a strand
of your hair
around my finger
like a ring of
joy / hope
grinning inside
so hard it hurts
handing you
that pot of gold
that everything
i have in me