Thursday, October 23, 2014


…At least that’s what they tell me.  At least that’s what they say.
Never too late for what, though? 
I guess it just depends what is that you want, or need.


I am a fan of pop culture, though sometimes it seems idiotic, like these two bits of entertainment news from yesterday:

…A song listed as "Track 3" from the pop star's latest album "1989" was mistakenly released as a brief audio clip of white noise. Despite the glitch, the Canadian news site Nation Post reported that the track rocketed to the top of Canada's iTunes on Tuesday morning.
For the past few weeks, Swift has been unveiling songs from the album in the days leading up to its release. Apparently, the chance to listen to and download new music from the singer was so enticing that for a time, "Track 3" beat out her actual songs "Welcome to New York," "Shake It Off" and "Out of the Woods" on iTunes' Top 10 chart.

Britney Spears was doing well with her Vegas contract -- raking in nearly $30 mil for 2 years ... but we just found out, 50 shows into her run, her show was so successful she got an even sweeter deal.
Sources connected to Britney tell TMZ ... the singer did indeed sign a contract for $310K per performance, with 96 concerts over 2 years the total was $29,760,000.
But Planet Hollywood was blown away by ticket sales, which they said broke Vegas records. So Britney's people went back to the bargaining table and hashed out an amendment -- with back end, merchandising and other perks, the singer will earn around $475,000 a show.  Celine Dion, the top money earner in Vegas, makes $476K a show.
Planet Hollywood actually added shows for Britney ... she'll now do 140 shows during the 2-year residency.
Bottom line ... with all her ventures ... we're told EVERY WEEK, Britney's people deposit around 1 MILLION DOLLARS in her bank account.

…But then I go on Facebook last week, and have a laugh or chuckle (are these the same thing?) reading posts such as these:

just found a dead bee in my room and cried about it.

-warm and breezy, like your singing voice.

-"Men will let anything suck their dick. Dog, coyote, vampire, werewolf, zombie, Walgreen's clerk, retard from Dixie."

Today while I was with a client, this woman was staring at me for a good 10 minutes before I said something to her and when I did, she told me it was because I looked like someone who was wanted for murder in Italy. WAY TO BLOW MY COVER, BITCH!

-Darby just told us he hopes he doesn't need our money when we die. Oh boy. How do I let him down easy? What $$?

-"There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food."

-does anyone have some thin wire/twine? i wanna make this rape whistle cross i found into an upside down cross necklace

-So, I'm at Penn Station an hour early because that's how I like it but it's sort of like arriving in hell an hour early and who wants that? Also, I put on too much make up so that people won't confuse me for a man, a thing I noticed middle aged women did when I was younger and felt sorry for them

-subway quote: "what the fuck you looking at me for?"
-Excitement at opening a package with advance copies of my novel dissipated quickly when a certain 7yo asked, "Why have you only written two books? That's not very many."

"Writing a poem, for me, is a lot like drunk dialing an ex-girlfriend at 1am."

OK I might as well just come out and say it. I'm riding an armadillo naked across the Mexican border at midnight under the harvest moon.

-I love it when toilet water splashes up and hits you in the face!

-Been a pretty productive day on Facebook so far:
Learned what Gordon Ramsay was like when he was young.
Watched someone pet a huge snail.
Learned 15 different potential pet names for my penis.

Saw the 15 best high heels for my penis.
Learned about Cat Circles.
Heard a woman destroy everything I thought I knew about the clarinet.
-Don’t send me poems with stolen lines in them from Beyonce and Kanye. Stop it!

-News reporter just said his "life got flipped turned upside down" about a man in a hit-and-run accident.

 -one of my housemates uses AXE BODYWASH. am i wrong, or is this grounds for eviction?

-i like butts.  a lot.  there are a lot of butts I like.


Wednesday, October 22, 2014


Hey, Wednesday.  You’re looking good.

I’m trying to muster up some energy for a productive day.  I came across this (below) which was one of the first pieces I wrote after looking across the lake one night:

Center and Fringe
            I want you to lie to me. 
I want you to pull my hair and threaten to leave me again, tell me every soiled thing you loathe about me but, later, do a paint-by-numbers watercolor on my chest, inserting a subliminal message between the stripes of a rainbow.
            I want to cuddle with you on this bed of pine needles so scratchy we’d never be able to sleep, the frosty air cold enough to make our noses bleed, dribbling down our chins like scarlet fondue. 
I want the taillights glowing rat-eyed across the lake to be your eyes, fascinated by me on this winter’s night.  I want the cones of light reflected on the wafting water to be a cloud that morphs in undulation so that we can find new characters and objects in its wake, its center and fringes. 
I want you to see what I see, the people who own that light and the house where that light glows, the ones that have been together since before the war against Germany.  I saw them at Safeway yesterday.  She was testing a melon with her gnarled thumb while the brittle little guy manned the cart, hunched, grinning like a very happy gnome.
I want our skins to spot and sag together.  I want us to molt and refute what happened last weekend.  I want magical powers, the ability to make you stay put, to cause that car to miss you, take a different corner, let you live.     

I want to take it all back.  

Monday, October 20, 2014


..It’s stormy as hell right now, early on a Monday morning.  It feels like an angry rain.

…So what do think crooks are trying to accomplish who send things out like this (I get several of these a week)?--

                --Dear Beloved in Christ.

This may sound strange to you, but it God's will. I am Mrs. Karolin Wolfram 79-years of age who live in United Kingdom for 37-years now; God has touched me in a glorious way to fulfill His blessing toward charity / mankind.

I have asked God for forgiveness and I believed he has because he is a merciful God. I will be going for an operation on Friday which the doctor has directly said is 50/50 chance of surviving after diagnosing me with Cancer in three (3) years ago. Read Romans 1:16-17

I have decided to WILL/donate my late husband entitlement fund of $12.5 Million USD (Twelve Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) which I inherited from him to you for the good work of God and to serve His divine purpose and favor to humanity as that has be my late husband unfinished work before his death.

Recently, my Family members have advise me to share my late husband inherited fund to them for their selfish interest after receiving the news from the doctor that I might not survive the operation. I refused to accept that from my family members as I have promise my late husband before his death that this fund would be use to serve God divine purpose and favor to humanity around the world and for poor people.

I was privilege to send this letter to you with the help of a lady nurse here, who has be so kind to me, believing that a total stranger like you can fulfill my last wish to humanity.

All I ask from you is to make sure you use this fund for the work of God to fulfill his divine purpose and favor to humanity. It is clear that I don’t know you but God known you more than I can ever do. For this purpose I bow my knees and pray for you, May the Lord bless you abundantly as you fulfill this mystery toward charity and Humanitarian service. Thus, you are to use 60% of the funds for this Humanitarian Mission while 10% goes to my family Lawyer in United Kingdom and 30% goes to you for your faithfulness toward God and mankind.

Lastly, I want you to pray for me regarding my health situation, because I have come to find out that to everything there is a season; and a time to every purpose under the heaven. (Ecclesiastes 3:1–8) May the Grace of our Lord, the love of God, and the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you now and forever more, Amen. I we send you the information of my lawyer once I hear from you to advise you further on the procedures.

Yours Faithfully
Mrs. Karolin Wolfram

…Usually these have tons of misspellings, but this time it’s fairly well written.  I’m kind of dumbfounded.

…Anyway, here are a few things you may or may not know that I just learned:
77 million Americans own an average of $5,200 in past due, collectible debt.

-4 out of 5 men have traded blows defending a woman’s honor

 --55% of men have had a fight with their wife or girlfriend behind the wheel.

--8% of men claim to have been sucker punched at some point in their life

--You have a 64% increased chance of developing heart disease if you hold a grudge.

-The average man has seven arguments a year about when to have sex

...Here's wishing you a great start to your new week.

Thursday, October 16, 2014


…Well, I had my reading and book signing Tuesday night at Uppercase Books here in Snohomish.  It was a small crowd, as I had expected.  I read for an hour and a half and took questions.  People were very engaged.  I could have done a lot better.  Still need to work on inflection and enunciation.  Next time will be the best.

…Have you ever watched “The Walking Dead”?  You should.  I was very reluctant to watch a show featuring zombies but the zombies are secondary to the story line which is, holy shit, intense and dark and clever and surprising.  I’ve never seen a show where they’re less afraid to kill of main characters, and when they do you’re stunned, thinking, Who would do that?  I’ve got one episode left of last season then the premier of the new season.  Last week I literally had to pause the TV to catch my breath because so much was happening and it was that intense.  Great stuff.  I’d put in easily in the top 10 best shows ever, up there with Breaking Bad, The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, The Wire and True Detective.

..Listening to the fear-mongers on TV going on and on about Ebola and how we’re doomed reminds me of hearing the same thing a few years back when people in Asia were coming down with, and dying from, Bird Flu.  I haven’t heard anyone contracting Bird Flu in years.  I think the same will be true of Ebola once they get a handle on it.  I’m not making light of the illness, but rather I’m just pointing out how the media uses certain things to create hysteria and higher ratings.  If they can make their audience paranoid enough, that audience will keep tuning into to learn more details, thereby getting even more paranoid.

…So about enough gloom and doom.  Here are some good things to dwell on instead:

“Paddle, paddle - sometime big wave come.”  Taro, Japanese surfer
 “I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying "yes" than by sayings ‘no.”  Richard Branson
 “If successful people have one common trait, it's an utter lack of cynicism. The world owes them nothing. They go out and find what they need without asking for permission; they're driven, talented, and work through negatives by focusing on the positives.”  Mike Zimmerman
 “The greatest gift you will ever receive is the gift of loving and believing in yourself. Guard this gift with your life. It is the only thing that will ever truly be yours.”  Tiffany Loren Rowe
 “Do what you love to do, and do it so well that those who come to see you do it will bring others to watch you do it again and again.” Mark Victor Hansen
 “I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it. I want to live the width of it as well.”  Diane Ackerman

“We must find time to stop and thank the people who have made a difference in our lives.”  Dan Zadra

Monday, October 13, 2014


...Well, tomorrow night I'll be reading and doing my first ever book signing.  I'm a little nervous.  It'll be the first time I've ever read in front of non-writer friends.  Maybe I've said this already.  I'm not sure.  Anyway, I haven't figured out what all I'll read.  There's time for that all day tomorrow.  I know, though I know i won't be reading this:


            She said she’d be there for me.  She said forever.  Then she amended the declaration; “I’ll be around until the first of us dies, or at least until one of us flunks out of high school.”  She suspected I’d be fleeing the scene before her, mainly because I’d become careless and had stopped showing up for most of my classes.
            I could hardly be blamed.  I was beside myself, smitten with love for Dawnielle.  My life—the bland summation of fifteen whole years—now belonged to the trout fishing ballerina with bowl cut hair and stone cutter’s eyes.
            I said, “Name something impossible and I’ll do it for you.”
            “Buy me the moon.”
            “Ah, that’s too easy,” I said.
The next morning I watched Dawnielle leave her house for the bus.  She stopped immediately, struck by a series of chalk moons I’d painted in succession across the sidewalk.  From a hiding spot, I watched Dawnielle break open a grin, and it felt as if I was the books she hugged against her chest, the light glittering in her eyes.
            Another time I said, “If you knew how much I loved you, you might be frightened.”
            “I don’t scare easily.”
            “I love you so much that sometimes it’s hard to breathe when you’re not around.”
            “Just practice holding your breath.  It’ll come in handy for swim meets.”
            “I love you more than my parents.”
            “I would hope so, your parents suck!”
            “I love you more than God.”
            “Now we’re talking.”
            I was afraid to kiss her.  I did not want to soil or stain or defile her in anyway. To me, Dawnielle was the perfect creation; the sphinx before Napoleon’s cannon blast, before erosion and sun damage.  I could never stop gazing at her.  She said, “Most boys go blind doing that other thing.” And here she made an up-and-down motion with her hand.  “But you’ll be the first to go blind from staring at me.”
            “Do you think you’ll ever fall in love with me?” I asked.
            “I’m working on it.”
            We traded dirty jokes our brothers had told us.  I bought her perfume that smelled like pomegranate because it was her favorite fruit.  I wrote her poetry that made her laugh and cry.  She said, “You’re a really good person.”
            When she went missing, I thought she was pulling a prank.  Dawnielle liked surprises and sneaking up on me, shouting “Boo!” so I’d jump and start to get angry.  “Go ahead,” she’d say, egging me on, “Yell at me.  Get really pissed.”  But I coudn't ever get mad at her, just as I still can’t get her out of my head to this day.
            She never ages.  She’ll always be fifteen, perfect and pure, a little aloof and unattainable.
            I picture her in slow motion, skipping or twirling inside a shower of leaves.  I imagine her leaning in for our first kiss.  I recall the scent of her breath.
            My wife says I drift a lot.  “Everyone daydreams occasionally,” she says, “but you, you get lost in other galaxies.”

            And she’s right, of course.  We’ve been married thirty years and, like any wife, she knows me better than almost anyone.

Friday, October 10, 2014


…I’m a news junkie.  It stems from my college days when I majored in Political Science and I was very interested in International Affairs.  So I typically have CNN on during the day and I read the paper and check news online, but lately it all seems so terrible
For instance, what’s with all of these parents wanting to kill their kids?  It’s hard to fathom.
Here are to back to back headlines from the other day…

A judge Wednesday sentenced the mother of an autistic Michigan teenager to 10-22 years in prison in what she described as a failed murder-suicide attempt brought on by despair after years of violent attacks by the child and failure to find affordable and effective treatment.

HARDWICK, Vt. - A mother and her boyfriend in northern Vermont are accused of killing the woman's disabled son by putting alcohol in the boy's IV.

You have to have a license to fish or drive a car, a boating license, etc., etc., yet you don’t have to have a license to be a parent.  I don’t know if that would make a difference, but it couldn’t hurt.

…Then there was this article:

Iran's latest crackdown on freedom includes lashes and prison for seven young adults who posted a video of themselves dancing to the American pop hit "Happy" and a death sentence for a blogger accused of insulting Prophet Muhammad.
The seven me and women were arrested in May, but then released after self-professed "moderate" President Hassan Rouhani tweeted that the regime should lighten up. But the group was forced nonetheless to apologize on television and endure a trial in which they were convicted and each sentenced to 91 lashes. One was given a full year in prison while the others got six months, although their attorney told the sentences were suspended.
“A suspended sentence becomes null and void after a certain period of time,” attorney Farshid Rofugaran said. For the Happy Group, that period will be three years. “When it’s a suspended sentence, the verdict is not carried out, but if during this period a similar offense is committed, then the accused is subject to legal punishment and the suspended sentence will then be carried out as well.”
The video was part of a global campaign launched by pop star Pharrell Williams and was viewed by more than 100,000 people on YouTube. The six who appeared on the video and a man who shot the footage apologized and said they had been tricked into doing it. After the confession, they were released on bail.
“We can accept the verdict or appeal,” said Rofugaran, adding that his clients are not banned from leaving the country.
Meanwhile, the ultimate penalty was handed down to Soheil Arabi, a blogger found guilty of insulting the Prophet Muhammad in his postings on Facebook. The International Campaign for Human Rights in Iran reported that Arabi will be able to appeal the decision.
Revolutionary Guard agents arrested Arabi, 30, and his wife last November. Arabi's wife was released a few hours later, but Arabi was kept in solitary confinement for two months inside the notorious Evin Prison before being found guilty of “sabb al-nabi” (insulting the Prophet), on Aug. 30.
“Soheil had eight Facebook pages under different names, and he was charged with insulting the Imams and the Prophet because of the contents of those pages. He has accepted his charges, but throughout the trial, he stated that he wrote the material without thinking and in poor psychological condition,” a source told the Campaign

…And that’s not to mention ISIS and Al Queda (who just set off a bomb in Yemen yesterday that killed 70 people).

I don’t know.  Maybe I’ll change the channel to cartoons.

…But then there are these:

“The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow, but the rainbow won't wait while you finish the work.”  Pat Clifford
  “Hope is neither passive waiting nor is it the unrealistic forming of circumstances that cannot occur. It is like the crouched tiger, which will jump only when the moment for jumping has come. “  Erich Fromm
 “The best inheritance you can leave your kids is an example of how to live a full and meaningful life.”  Dan Zadra
 “The eye can only see what the heart is willing to obey.” Ryan Meeks, or maybe Jesus
 “Everyone of us is beautifully fucked up.” Karen Stefano

Wednesday, October 8, 2014


…I’m still hungover from my night seeing Ryan Adams.  (that’s him up top.)  Hence, I’ve not been very productive, or least that’s my excuse.  You on the other hand, are probably getting plenty done.  Congratulations.
 …So here are some things I like on a Wednesday:

-“Hope is neither passive waiting nor is it the unrealistic forming of circumstances that cannot occur. It is like the crouched tiger, which will jump only when the moment for jumping has come. “  Erich Fromm

 -“The best inheritance you can leave your kids is an example of how to live a full and meaningful life.”  Dan Zadra

 -“The eye can only see what the heart is willing to obey.” Ryan Meeks, or maybe Jesus

 -“Everyone of us is beautifully fucked up.” Karen Stefano

 -“Would it spoil the moment for you if I threw up?”

-“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” Pablo Picasso
 -“Friendship consists in forgetting what one gives,  and remembering what one receives.” Dumas The Younger
 - “If you are patient in one moment of anger you will save a thousand days of sorrow.”  Chinese Proverb
 -"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." Ralph Nichols
-"I do think so much of what writers wrestle with is our demons and our fears, and the dream world is dark, and it's not always painful, but it's mysterious." Andre Dubus III
-"If I had my life to live over again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once a week." Charles Darwin
-“This is your world. Shape it or someone else will.”  Gary Lew

-“In criticism, I will be bold, and as sternly, absolutely just with friend and foe. From this purpose nothing shall turn me.”  Edgar Allan Poe