—THERE MUST BE SOMEWAY OUT OF HERE

 

 

Number 17A

 

This morning the cat 

is speaking in tongues 

and the stereo’s playing 

with matches 

while I keep trying 

to juggle each empty carcass. 

It’s a visceral occasion, 

a Jackson Pollock contusion,

though the days fold themselves

into the panty drawer

neat as crimson blintzes.

If you left a note,

it must have got 

snatched by crypt-keeper.

He’s been known to filch

whatever he finds 

most authentic and offensive.

 

—THIS IS ABOUT AS HARD AS I CAN TRY

 

…There you go and go and go. 

 

… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmpyfDF_pes&start_radio=1

 

…. Tiniest moves you make, the whole damn world shakes… Tiniest twist of fate.

 

…Look who’s on the edge again.

 

…I wish it could just be us for a little while.

 

...“We only bother to argue with people we love, you know that right?” Araminta Hall

 

…Well, in the moment you weren’t all that kind.

 

…You know what? That’s a great question. Let me ask my friend for an anaswer.

 

…I don’t think you know what scared is like.

 

…You can’t really believe you’re going to be anonymous forever, can you?

 

…I could have been better,

 

…All right, I’ll stop having fun. You’re right—it’s over-rated.

 

…I can definitely be petty. It’s not something I’m proud of.

 

…As far as abrupt endings go, that was a doozy.

 

…Just keep writing. It’ll come to you eventually.

 

…The problem with timing is you can’t take back what’s been already seen, or felt.

 

…I hope you’re right this time.

 

…But did you ever hear, “I Wanna Get Better”?

 

…One thing I’m certain of is--there’s no Tacoma in our future.

 

--Len, it would be amazing if you could examine your life like you do everyone else you meet.

--Yeah, I know,

--Yeah, you know what? What do you know? 

--I know.

--What do you fucking know?

--I don’t know.

--You’re impossible. You’re a fucking idiot.

 

…Everything must die for anything to matter.

 

…That kid at dinner who I’ll never see again, she wasn’t even three, but she thought I was funny.

 

…Hey, hey?

 

…Hey, I’ve got more. Why can’t you just look?

 

…Come a little closer. There is something I can tell, yeah.

 

…This is gonna be good. I just need to change a hundred things before I write about them.

 

…Who knew?

 

…Guess I should have. What an idiot.

 

…Because the love, the love, the love, the love I gave, wasted on a nice face.

 

…Smoke and mirrors are really a thing.

 

…If everything happens for a reason, I’ve got a lot of questions.

 

…You know what’s not getting us anywhere? Bullshit cliches.

 

…I guess I just got lucky again. But you’re lucky, too. Oh, yeah you are.

 

…We can say anything now because all the words sound different.

 

…Every time I close my eyes, I see you written in big lights.

 

…Oh, God, we barely survived.

 

…If we can’t be friends, we can’t be anything.

 

…Fuck off are the words that come to mind.

 

…I’m going to waste it all on someone else.

 

…Okay. I’m done now.

 

…Is this Up or is this Down? You tell me.

 

…Did you really do that?

 

…Okay, this is good enough. This is fine leaning into good.

 

…Sticky fingers are no one’s friend.

 

…I know what you’re supposed to do. But how do I do it?

 

… But when it’s a bad day, we know a good day is coming, eventually. 

 

…I don’t know how to survive this, other than to wait.

 

…“The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things.” Rilke

 

…I’ve seen this movie before and I didn’t like it the last nineteen times either. 

 

…It’s nice to be missed.

               “Oh, wow! A bottle of gasoline!”

 

…Before you throw the brick, at least let me close the windows.

 

…That’s what they call a cold surrender.

 

…Saying it right isn’t always the same as thinking it right.

 

…You remember things differently. Of course you do. It’s to be expected.

 

…Time is the last thing I want to kill.

 

…“Everything that I’ve been rewarded for takes a lot of people.” Harry Styles 

 

…On the one hand, it’s a sad, sad world. On the other hand, it’s not.

 

…For the record, I’m not a fan of public restrooms.

 

…You should give those flowers to someone else.

 

…Lucky me, to be alive and remember all the bad stuff.

 

…“Poetry is mostly this, pointing at what’s barely there, the way the finest lace is mostly holes.” Dobby Gibson

 

…I think I know that. I should know that, right?

 

…I love Reba McEntire because you have to love Reba McEntire. Not loving her would be like disavowing your grandmother. But even though I love her, I will say—never watch her TV show.

 

…Today’s word is tender.

 

…Apparently, I’m not the only one who has grumpy days. Yay.

 

…Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that.

 

…No one can run a marathon for you.

 

…I bet he’s dying to know.

 

…My job here is just to remain a person who shared their feelings unabashedly, even if that turns out to be a humiliating experience.

 

…Good questions are almost always more interesting than answers.

 

…Someone’s going to tell you differently, and you should listen.

 

…If you looked at my desk and picked up the slices of paper I’ve written on, you’d be worried for me. You might even call the cops. 

 

…I guess it wasn’t what we expected.

 

…It’s probably not a good idea to mix in the word “tinkering” when you’re describing someone’s dream.

 

…All right, where are we keeping the really big ones?

 

…Can I just say, I’m sorry, and that’s it?  

 

…The easiest way to mess it up is to try too hard.

 

…I wonder if you might have any advice to pass onto me as a man, an introvert who can fake it as an extrovert, and someone who wonders if they’re seeing life all wrong. 

 

…I admit it—I don’t really know what I’m doing.

 

…And I think if someone confessed the same thing—that they didn’t know what they were doing—I’d probably become best friends with them.

 

…I can be a bastard all right.

 

…I guess I’m wondering—How is that possible?

 

…There are no words are still words.

 

…“That’s the hardest thing about becoming a poet, tomorrow you have to wake up and become one all over again.” Dobby Gibson

 

…I was reading an article in RUNNER’S WORLD about how humans keep getting faster, breaking every speed record, and I wondered if we can do that why can’t we speed up finding a cure for cancer? 

 

…There’s a thrill reading someone else’s diary. 

 

…People have a really hard time meeting deadlines.

 

…I think we’re all a bit pigheaded.

 

…It’s a little too late in the evening for picking new friends.

 

…“One of the important things for humans is to embrace the contradiction.” Haruki Murakami

 

…I’ve been working on you all week (if you didn’t notice) and I’ve been working on my all my life.

 

…Are you really still there? Oh, yeah. Forgot for a sec.

 

…To return to the main menu, please press pound.

 

…“You deserve somebody who knows how hard it is to find somebody like you.” M. Anthony

 

…There’s something wrong with this headline:

David Zaslav to Receive Estimated $887 Million in Compensation Related to Warner Bros.-Paramount Merger

Amount includes $335 million tax reimbursement for the exec

 

…This is the part where it’s best to say as little as possible.

 

…As mornings go, this one is going, going, gone.

 

…It’s anybody’s guess as to how this all ends.

 

—THAT GHOST’S A KID INSIDE A SHEET

 

Adolescence

 

To conserve energy 

Mother used to hang 

our shadows on 

the clothesline—

stained or otherwise. 

It gave the dragon flies 

a good laugh. 

On windy days, 

there was no telling 

a whistleblower 

from a priest, 

a neighbor from a 

sex offender. 

Even the mosquitos 

wore rubber gloves.

 

—READY AS I’LL EVER BE

 

Prompted

The writing prompt is sick of being stuck in ink, sick of being stared at and used like a sex worker who gets stiffed after the fact, so the writing prompt grows a pair (of legs) and walks through me like an apparition, only noticeable when it brushes one of my internal organs, but since I flunked science and biology, I don’t know the name for most of my gluey insides though I can feel the writing prompt setting up shop within my ribs, building a campfire, about to perfectly toast a triplet of S’mores dangled by a snapped tree twig, and the writing prompt seems satiated enough, angst-free whistling a Bee Gees tune, You Should Be Dancing, and after a while I jump in with piping falsetto that would make Barry Gibb proud so that it feels like the writing prompt and I are now both boogying across my chest cavity, inside the bone ossuary, taking turns doing dancefloor splits and pointing our index fingers heavenward or toward a ceiling that’s not there, and after a few hours when I should be exhausted, the writing prompt and I slow dance to a Bruno Mars song about forgetting to buy flowers, and both of us are weeping like forlorn boy scouts who can’t figure out how to tie the right kind of knot, so I whisper, It's okay, everybody needs someone, because I saw some French actor say that in subtitles once, and the writing prompt whispers back, Write it down, and I say, What? That’s stupid, and the prompt says, It’s not stupid to everyone, and I say, But—, and the prompt says, I’m not going to tell you again. 

 

—I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS LONELY UNTIL I SAW YOUR FACE

  

…That person who’ll show up at 2am when they shouldn’t—that’s a keeper for life.

 

…Two percent is not nothing. It’s something.

 

…Apparently I’m shrinking.

 

…That book’s not going to read itself.

 

…Someone actually asked me who Sparky is. (Thanks for reading. Seriously.)

 

…Most times when people say, “Thank you for sharing this” about your writing, what they’re not saying is, “This sucks and I’m not sure how to not say it sucks without hurting your feelings.”

 

…I think I’m done with doctors and that they’re done with me, God bless every one of them.

 

…“Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.” Jean Coceuco.

 

…April’s going to be interesting.

 

…There’s a lesson there, and a lesson in most things if you pay enough attention.

 

…The anger has to go someplace.

 

…I need to get better at letting things go.

 

…“It may be true that everything 

has already been said, 

but it’s just as true that not everyone 

has had a chance to say it.”

            —Dobby Gibson

 

…Even if you’re feeling especially jolly, dancing on a treadmill is probably a bad idea.

 

…Maybe I just need someone to remind me that the world’s beautiful.

 

…How lucky we are that we have each other.

 

…The problem is thinking you’re twenty-one when you’re far from it.

 

…“Everywhere we play the roles of characters dressed exactly as ourselves, though unconvincingly.” Dobby Gibson

 

…I’m here but I’m not.

 

…What are you reading?

 

…Jimmy doesn’t recognize his country.

 

…The hardest thing about dreams is explaining them to other people.

 

..“Seems like the world flows better when you really love someone. Screw what everyone else thinks, ‘cause Honey, if you feel good, you look good.” Shay Hixon

 

“I understand there’s a problem you need made a million times worse?”

 

…If I’m ever not here going on two weeks, you should call 911.

 

…Even when it’s not, poetry is always about love.

 

…“It is still the most popular subject of all time: love.” Dobby Gibson

 

...Sometimes it depends on the mirror. Sometimes a mirror is like a bad friend you don’t want to talk to or see anymore.

 

…It must be very awkward being the only one at the party.

 

…Just like you, I can’t leave.

 

…Do what you want, just don’t go dark on me.

 

…It’s probably a smart move to keep something plugged in.

 

…I don’t think you know who you’re dealing with here.

 

…The other day I learned there’s a gun shop in Woodinville called “Precise Shooter.” That kind of creeped me out.

 

…Many days it takes a lot of guts (or stupidity) to look at Facebook and not close the thing out.

 

…“Lack of communication can ruin a lot of good shit.” Shay Hixon

 

…The words you use matter, whether you realize it or not.

 

…All these years later, and I still can’t figure out how to do it the right way.

 

…Abnormal is always a shocking word when you get your results back, even if you don’t understand the numbers.

 

…I guess you’ll have to tell me what it all means.

 

…Wow, that’s a first.

 

…You’d never know Ukraine is still getting bombed every day.

 

…“I just let them guess how old I am and then no matter what they say I say right back, ‘Damn, you’re good at this’.” Shay Hixon

 

…Lately I’ve been having those dreams that are you impossible to describe that, if you try, the person kind enough to listen will think you’re nuts.

 

…When I told my kids I was done going to concerts you would have thought I told them they were adopted. They didn’t take it well.

 

…The point is—you decide.

 

…Social media can really kill a person.

 

…Bad tattoos are just bad tattoos, but I hope they’re really special for you.

 

…“Twice a day, for thirty seconds, tell someone how important they are to you, and why.” 

 

…Symbolism only makes sense if you want it to.

 

…Are you kidding me? What have I got to bitch about?

 

…I wonder if I would save his life, I had the chance to. 

 

…I guess I wondered why the, “WOW!”

 

…You get the news you get.

 

…It’s hard to write something about love and not feel like a poseur. But you should do it anyway.

 

…My friends keep telling me what an imbecile he is, and I already know that, but I join in on the conversation, and then I get amped up and I just want to rip a building apart.

  

…You could have done that, too, if you’d really wanted to.

 

…Might be time to pack it in. The wind’s stopped.

 

…Timing…

 

…I’ve never been a huge Jack Kerouac fan, but I know they’re out there. On March 12^th, which would have been Jack’s 104^th birthday, the “On the Road” scroll sold for $12.1 million at an auction making it the most expensive literary manuscript ever. Twenty-fiveyears prior, the owner of the Indianapolis Colts bought it for a (then) record of $2.4 million.

 

…It’s 7:30. We can laugh later.

 

…Maybe I don’t wanna know. Do you? 

 

…I’m awake, right? Maybe. Might be.

 

…If it’s in writing, you can’t deny it.

 

…“Before he left, he asked if I ever felt lonely here and I said, Of course not, I’m a writer.” Timothy Liu

 

--You know what I need?

--A hug?

--More paper.  

 

—I’LL BE BETTER THAN I WAS BEFORE

 

No Telling What

 

The morning sun is a 

squalling newborn demanding

attention behind the blinds. 

There’s no telling what 

will happen today. Last night 

a swarm of invisible frogs 

sang an opera of protest,

waiting to be noticed 

in the dark because 

who doesn’t want to be noticed? 

The day before, I was stuck 

on a bridge with five million 

other vehicles while stray dogs 

weaved between our cars 

until the guy on the ledge 

couldn’t take any more 

honking and leapt. I wrote a 

poem about it in longhand

and left the note folded inside 

the right cup of the bra you 

put on before work. At the door,

you kissed me dutifully and

might have even detected

I was naked like our first time.

 

—THAT’S ABOUT AS HAPPY AS IT GETS

 

Maybe

Maybe I just need someone to remind me that the world’s beautiful, how you can’t find laughter on a lake anywhere else, feet running down the dock boards, a joy sound in the thump-thump-thump they make before liftoff and splash. Everyone has a war story, and these days they’re literally war stories—shrapnel turning bodies into nothing more than morbid pasta, a mother’s wail battling for space with shrieking sirens. It happens and it’s tragic, something you can’t unhear or unsee, just take a look around. So, I am wrong to want to watch a cone of butterflies twirl almost-drunkenly over a backyard bush? Smell some honeysuckle? Spot some stray deer or cocky eagle lollygagging in the sky? Is it horrible to want to make a baby gurgle and smile back? Tell its mother how lucky she is? Promise her that it just gets better and better? I’m asking in all sincerity; is it indecent or is it permissible to believe life is still worth it?