Friday, October 23, 2026

 

—TRYING TO GET THE FEELING AGAIN

 

…Hey, hi. Today, Friday, is something different: I won’t comment about how the T administration is arresting “non-citizens” (who actually arecitizens) for illegal voting to try in an effort to thwart the onslaught the Republicans are about to face, and I won’t mention that “Special envoy” Steve Witkoff called PUTIN a (fucking) “humanitarian” this week, and I won’t mention how the monster said he should have received both The Nobel and Pulitzer Prize, and I won’t mention how the CEO of Goggled declined the monster’s suggestion that the Atlantic Ocean be named Trump Ocean,  just as I won’t mention all of the other despicable things our government has done or tried to do. Instead, it’s just, Good News Friday…

 

Nathan Heller—The New Yorker

 

 

 

The Good List, Melissa Kirsch, NYT:

 

I have never actually availed myself of a Little Free Library, those quaint schoolhouse-shaped boxes on the sidewalk where you can take a book, leave a book. My night-table stack is so tall that I have had to enact a law forbidding any accidental discoveries from passing the threshold. But I love to see what’s circulating, to consider the barely touched paperbacks my neighbors have abandoned.

How handy to have this world map of Little Free Libraries where you can check out the designs and even some of the inventory at the time the photos were taken. Or go on vacation without a book and decide you’ll pick up whatever’s available near your Airbnb.

I had no idea there were boxes of other little free things around until a reader alerted me to the existence of Free Little Art Galleries, where you take and leave stuff you make. (Here’s a map of the galleries.) There are little free pantries outside churches! Little free collections of miniature cars! Yarn! Seeds! Tinned fish! What is little and free that’s not being joyously exchanged? Well, apparently someone has been leaving “grungy, sharp mussel shells” and “asphalt chunks” at a trinket library in Massachusetts. No one wants those things, even if they are little and free

 

 

Trevor Rainbolt became famous for being exceptionally good at GeoGuessr, a game where you’re given a photo from Google Street View and have to figure out where in the world it is. He spent four years helping a woman figure out exactly where a random childhood photo of her and her mother was taken, and I spent one hour and 26 minutes watching a video about how he did it. I didn’t expect to watch the whole thing, but so fascinating was the tale of how Rainbolt and his team used patience, persistence and fearsome forensic sleuthing to solve the mystery, I couldn’t stop.

 

One exciting thing about the buzz around the thrilling new documentary “You Can See Everything” has been the evocation of Ross McElwee as an influence on the work. McElwee pioneered a personal style of documentary, complicating the relationship between filmmaker and subject, as Nathan Fielder and Lance Oppenheim do in their examination of the disgraced blood-testing start-up founder Elizabeth Holmes.

McElwee described his style of nonfiction filmmaking to The Times in 1993 as “an approximation of the truth that’s also of interest to someone other than yourself.” You can see this in full bloom in films he made, like “Sherman’s March” (1986), which starts out as a nonfiction examination of a devastating military campaign but quickly veers to become a diaristic essay on the search for love.

If you’ve watched “You Can See Everything” and find yourself yearning, as I did, for more of what our critic Manohla Dargis described as its “wily, disturbing, self-aware exploration of the relationship between documentarians and their subjects,” try McElwee’s oeuvre

 

…In 1959, a seventeen-year-old boy from Freeport, Long Island, was admitted to Creedmoor State Hospital in Queens. His parents had made the decision. The doctors had a solution. The solution was electroshock therapy — administered several times a week, with more than two dozen sessions in total, intended to suppress what his psychiatrists had labeled his homosexual tendencies and control behavior that his family could not accept.

The treatment left him with lasting damage to his short-term memory. He would later write a song about the experience called "Kill Your Sons." He never completely forgave what had happened to him, or the people who had consented to it on his behalf.

His name was Lou Reed, and what they did to him in that hospital is where the story begins — not because trauma was the whole story, but because understanding what he was handed at seventeen makes everything he created afterward extraordinary.

He was born Lewis Allan Reed on March 2, 1942, in Brooklyn, and grew up in suburban Freeport in a household that had very clear ideas about what a son should be. Lou had very different ideas. He played guitar with a ferocity that rattled the walls. He was bisexual, which in the 1950s was not something a middle-class family on Long Island knew how to understand. By the time the doctors completed their course of treatment and his recovery was over, he had spent more than a year losing and slowly reclaiming himself — uncertain of what remained and uncertain of who he was expected to become.

What he became was one of the most important artists of the twentieth century.

He arrived in New York the way people arrive when they have run out of alternatives, and he never really left in any way that mattered. By 1965, he had co-founded the Velvet Underground with John Cale, Sterling Morrison, and drummer Moe Tucker, with Andy Warhol providing the platform — his Factory scene, his art-world connections, and his particular gift for recognizing something dangerous and making it visible. The band was not commercially successful. They barely sold records. It didn't matter. What the Velvet Underground brought into the world was a new vocabulary — music that looked directly at addiction, sexuality, and people living on the edges of a society that had no language for them, and said it all plainly, without apology.

Brian Eno famously observed that only thirty thousand people bought the first Velvet Underground album, but every one of them started a band. The actual number was probably higher. The influence was certainly impossible to measure.

Reed's solo career stretched across five decades and contained multitudes — "Walk on the Wild Side," the Berlin album, the noise-drone experiment of Metal Machine Music, and the late masterwork Magic and Loss. He was difficult and visionary and infuriating and irreplaceable in roughly equal measure. He moved through the world as though the experience of that hospital at seventeen had given him permanent permission to reject every convention that did not serve the truth. He wrote about what he saw, what he felt, and what he survived, in a voice that was conversational and bleak and sometimes transcendent.

Late in his life, he found Tai Chi.

He found it the way some people in later years find the thing that centers them — not as an escape from who they had been, but as a deepening of himself. He practiced the 21-form daily with the same discipline he had brought to music for fifty years. His wife Laurie Anderson, the experimental artist and musician whom he married in 2008 after more than two decades of friendship, practiced alongside him. She called him a Tai Chi master. The description was not hyperbole.

In the final months of his life, Reed was battling liver disease — complications following a transplant that had briefly seemed successful before it began to fail. He didn't give up, Anderson later wrote, until almost the last thirty minutes of his life, when he suddenly accepted it — completely and all at once, in the way that only certain people can.

They brought him home from the hospital. On the morning of October 27, 2013, he went outside into the light to look at the trees.

Laurie Anderson was holding him when he died. She wrote about it afterward in Rolling Stone in a tribute that became one of the most extraordinary pieces of writing about death and love. She described watching his hands move through the air in the water-flowing 21-form of Tai Chi. His eyes were open. He was not afraid. She had never seen, she wrote, an expression as full of wonder as his as he died.

The boy who had been strapped to a hospital table in Queens at seventeen, subjected to more than two dozen sessions of electroshock therapy because the adults around him could not accept who he was — that boy died at seventy-one in the morning light, looking at trees, his musician's hands moving through the air in a form that required nothing but presence, breath, and the willingness to let the body know what it already understood.

He had spent his whole life refusing to be controlled. At the end, there was nothing left to refuse. There was only the light, the trees, and the hands moving through air that held him gently, all the way to the end of the world.

Wednesday, October 21, 2026


—I SHOWED YOU MY DEMONS AND YOU JUST CALLED IT EVEN

 


                                  Acts of Love    

 

       The sky cracks open, sooty and loud and wet.  Marty, our wiener dog, goes nuts, spins in circles and the only means of stopping him is to tackle the critter and hold him tight, like a vest bomb.  

“You’ll crush him that way,” my wife says.  Marty is panting and his moist black eyes bug out, but then, I tell myself, they’re always bulging.

       We’re supposed to be talking about us.  That was the plan before so much thunder and lightning ripped through our spackled city.

       I got my wife this condo because she wanted a place with lots of windows.  She claimed she had nothing to hide.  Now, there’s violence outside every pane.

       When I ask if she wants to start first, she counters by saying, “I thought men didn’t like to share their feelings?”

       “I guess I’m different.”

       “I guess you are,” my wife says.

       A twisted branch of lightning strikes the window, glowing radioactive through a sheer blind.  I remember my wife’s negligee being that see-through, the outfit she wore a few months after our honeymoon when she said she’d be sure to keep things interesting, when she promised we’d never grow bored.

       Glass clanks over at the cupboard above the sink.  My wife’s become an efficient drinker, takes her scotch neat, no ice.  Only needs a tumbler.  If I weren’t around, she might not even use that.

       Marty’s gum-colored tongue laps my chin.  It’s like that time a friend sent me a YouTube video of a beheading overseas, and an anxious wave of nausea rippled through my gut and I spewed a wild, toxic stream but had the wits to turn the video off and hit delete before the sword was lifted.

       She raises her glass to her chin and it seems I can see vapors like heat shimmers from the pavement misting her skin, but that’s impossible and I know it’s just the effects of nervousness I’m feeling, that and this rattling storm.

       I can hear the choppy gulps as she swallows even though she’s trying to be subtle and make herself out to be a judicious drinker.  I could point out that it’s only 11 am on a Saturday morning, but I don’t.  Push my wife just a little, and she becomes a runaway.

       “Okay,” she says, slumping down in the egg-shaped chair opposite me, “what do you want to know?”

       It’s a gut punch to find us here, in this gutter, playing games after so many years.

       “Maybe you could start by telling me when you first fell in love with him.”

       She snorts a twig of laughter through her nose.  “Don’t be an idiot,” she says.  “It was an affair.  I’ve never loved him.”

       Lightning nests my wife’s hair in the window, forming an electrified crown of thorns.  Wind smears the glass with rain tears.  “If you want to end it,” my wife tells me, “just say so.” 

       Now who’s being an idiot?  Everything I am and everything I’ve ever cared about is stitched into that woman, and I knew from the beginning that I’d have to teach her how to love completely and selflessly.  I knew there’d be crashes and destruction.

       She flaps her hand.  “You can keep Marty,” she says.  She lets the last topaz pearl splash onto her tongue.  “I think I’m becoming allergic anyway.”

       I lean forward.  I take in oxygen so it falls all the way in.  

I tell her she’s a coward.  I say my words softly, without nuance or inflection.  I tell her she always wants the painless route out.  I say, “If you think I’m letting you off this easy, you’ve got another thing coming.”

       She’s up and across the room in a flash.  I hear the drawers screeching open, clothes hangers clanging off a metal rod as she packs.

       I put Marty in the closet and lock the door because he’s seen enough.

       Under the sink, by the cleaning solvents is where I put the rope and duct tape and Taser I bought for this occasion.  I know I’m about to cross a line, yet I tell myself it’s worth it, that this is unavoidable, just another act of love, necessary but not at all desperate.

Monday, October 19, 2026

 

 

—THAT WAS WHEN I RULED THE WORLD

 

                                    Abundant Sunshine

 

       There was something wrong with the baby.  Sunlight could kill it.  My wife blamed herself, thinking it was payback from all the drugs she took in college.  When I said, “That’s crazy talk,” she reached up and slapped me.

       The baby had my nose already, but her forehead.  It looked like a normal newborn, squished and rashy.  

       Doctors said it was an extremely rare condition.  One said there were ways around it.  Another, “Things could be worse.”

       The baby’s mother and I fought about how to proceed, fought so much that we didn’t seem married anymore.

       And then we weren’t.

       Whenever I visited after that, there were always other women in the house.  They wore old-fashioned capes and matching bonnets, never smiled or spoke.

       My wife thought the child possessed, maybe even a vampire.  Canisters with burning incense tossed off a bonfire smell.

       I hired a lawyer.  I called the county.  They all said the same thing—everyone rears a child differently.

       So I gave up, made her happy, and moved to a country near the equator.  I found a new woman and got married.  Every day of the year we have sun, abundant sunshine, but no kids. 

Friday, October 16, 2026

 



—ALL I WANNA DO IS HAVE SOME FUN

 

…I know we already went over this, but I’m still stumped.

 

…I’m sorry for being so stupid. Sometimes I just like to stare at the clouds. I’m a dope.

 

…At least you know what you’re laughing at. 

 

…You’re one of the lucky ones.

 

…We can see everything, and yet it will never be enough.

 

…Why did I think I could do this again?

 

…Eeyore was always my favorite character. I felt like he had a lot more depth than we were privy to.

 

…“There was still something true about people, something that never seemed to change—they loved destruction." Scott McClanahan, Fights!

 

…“I've had a few men ask me personally or on their pages what they would like women to see men do or say in light of *waves hands wildly at all the misogyny and assault of late.* Speaking only for myself. 1. Call out that shit when you see it. Just make a post or a comment stating how gross you find it. Simple is better, to be honest. "I'm horrified by...." 2. Read feminist scholarship (hi, bell hooks,) or research statistics about things like the gender pay gap, how recently women were considered their male partner's property, and SA stats. 3. Learn to digest women's anger without taking it personally--we've had to do the same for men historically. 4. Understand that patriarchy harms men too, so you're also helping yourself by unlearning. 5. Remember it's never too late to start any of these.” Jordan Rosenfeld

 

…I thought the fight was over, but the fight is never over.

 

…At least I’m not the one locking doors.

 

…“I like to smoke cigarettes because it lets people know I’m into death.” Scott McClanahan, Fights!

 

…We’re still arguing about what makes something beautiful.

 

…When you ride with a friend, you stay with him.

 

…I didn’t realize you could that, that you could just say, No thanks.

 

…“If someone gave me Narcan and fucked up my high, I’d be so fucking pissed.” Scott McClanahan, Fights!

 

…Isn’t the point of life to help each other?

 

…All things are imaginary until you can touch them.

 

…It’s colder at night than I remember.

 

…“And love is like this:

Too much or too little.”

 --Chelsea Dingman, I, Divided

 

…You could listen to my heart if you want, and tell me how many screeches you hear.

 

…Don’t talk like that. You wouldn’t want someone talking to you that way.

 

…He’s your friend, not mine. Not mine by a long shot.

 

…What a silly thing to believe.

 

…“We need friends, Etna, the bird says. We need a pack.

Even if we lose our pack, I say.

Especially because of that, she says.”

-- Paul Yoon, Etna

 

…“I was aware, with a new intensity, of my loneliness.” Paul Yoon, Etna

 

…It never occurred to me that my mother could cry. In fact, I can’t remember ever seeing her do it.

 

…I am the worst small-talker in the world. When I do it—small talk—I feel sort of ridiculous, like there’s a judge or matriarch watching over me, giggling to themselves as I fumble for something relevant to say.

 

…If you’re ever lucky enough to have a best friend like I have, then you’re one lucky motherfucker.

 

…But anyway, let’s see what Scott has to say.

 

…“It’s crazy but people don’t like to buy books covered in dried blood.” Scott McClanahan, Fights!

 

…Who are you? What’s your name? 

 

…I have all these hideous, remarkable, unbelievable bits I was going to share about the last week and the monster, but I’m just going to pass. I’m not going to mention this (from WP) Trump: I ‘should have won’ Nobel Peace Prize, award is ‘forever discredited'

or this--Trump rips Zelensky amid Russia diesel deal feud: 'I suggest they get a new leader'

(because Zelensky is my hero) or this

Homeland Security Secretary Mullin says livestreaming Hasan execution aligns with Trump 'restoring American values'

or Russia strikes Ukrainian power plant after Trump claims energy ceasefire

or Trump calls Omar ‘totally crooked’ in first remarks on raid or 

Secret documents obtained by The Post reveal major donors behind $330 million for Trump’s ballroom

Tech giants Nvidia and Apple each committed $25 million, the top contribution amount, the documents show. Absent from the list is President Donald Trump himself, who has said that he is helping to pay for the project.


…So, there--no political statements this Friday.

 

…What we know is what we know, and what we hold too tightly, is what we break.

 

…I’m not sure how I feel about Shane Gillis’s SNL monologue. Mostly I’m thinking, if you’re a comedian, isn’t anything fair game? If you censor comedians, then where does that end? If you don’t like it fine, but he’s a comedian who’s fallen on his face. Maybe that makes me a misogynist to say that, but shouldn’t comedy, like the arts, be left alone to speak for themselves?

 

…A lot of times the idea is better than the actual act. But not always. Thus, the conundrum. 

 

…And here I’m telling you the truth.

 

…“In the end, you do what the voice tells you.

It says forget, you forget.

It says begin again, you begin again.”

  --Louise Gluck

 

…In haste, and because I really disliked that person, I said probably some things I shouldn’t have.

 

…“He was embarrassed. It was his default line; it came out of his mouth when he wanted to say other things to her.”

  --Lily King, Five Tuesdays in Winter

 

…That last drink might be the first. You never know.

 

…It’s a terrible time for books, but in one of the brightest moments of this trip, a couple sat down next to me with their two young children and both of them had books (!) instead of Gameboys or iPads with them, and the boy would jab his sister and read something from his book to her and she’d jab his shoulder and read something to him. It was glorious.

 

…I know you’re thinking about me, just as I am thinking about you.

 

…The question is always: What makes your heart sing? 

 

..“Is this talking? Because it feels like you’re telling me what I should remember.”

  --Lily King, Five Tuesdays in Winter

 

…Some people are rougher than others.

 

…When I die, please remember me.


…“Be careful what you say here. People might think you’re serious.”

 

…I am.

 

…I looking under my fingernails for signs that might mean something…

 

...I have a happy story to end things on. It’s long. But it’s worth the read…

 

He lost everything. Then he found riches in a dumpster.

By Danielle Paquet, WP

For Carter Stevens, the American Dream is built on reinvention. But can his next act help him escape the cockroaches?

 

NASHVILLE — Behind a luxury high-rise, Carter Stevens inspected his favorite dumpster.

Dresses on plastic hangers dangled over its rusty edge. A 65-inch flat-screen television jutted through cardboard boxes. A marble side table, wedged between trash bags, gleamed under the lunchtime sun.

“Jackpot,” the 31-year-old muttered.

Sweating in the 95-degree heat, Carter tied his curly black hair into a bun and strode up to the steel bin the size of a U-Haul truck, ignoring the sticker that read “KEEP OFF!” He stepped onto a support rail and rose to his tiptoes, scanning inside for cockroaches. Nothing rustled.

“Easy does it,” he said, hoisting himself into the garbage.

Carter abhorred insects and was allergic to cat dander, but rummaging through dumpsters, he’d found a Gucci bag. BAPE sneakers. A Louis Vuitton button-up. “All the stuff we use to fill the void,” he said.

Overconsumption had nearly ruined him before he learned how to exploit it. In two years, he’d gone from homeless and in debt to earning six figures from selling what others threw away.

Americans buy and discard more stuff than anyone else, and in Tennessee’s booming capital — the Music City, the bachelorette destination, the influencer hub of the South — junk struck Carter as astonishingly valuable. People came here chasing stardom or a fresh identity; 86 new residents arrived each day, per the local government’s last count. Carter imagined some crash-landed, like he had, leaving wreckage for him to sift through when Everything Must Go. Or they acquired upgrades they associated with success, shedding whatever hadn’t satisfied them.

Carter had salvaged stuff in unopened boxes. Stuff that he’d seen models praise on TikTok. Stuff that reminded him of what he’d once maxed out his credit cards to wear. Stuff that he’d had to offload, quickly, when he couldn’t cover the rent for his three-bedroom house in the summer of 2024 and moved into a $30-per-day Zipcar.

“Still has the tag on it,” he said, yanking a lacy white Simply Southern frock from the heap. Someone had spent $59.99 on what he called a “grandma dress” before chucking it unworn. Carter popped the trunk of his cherry red Lexus ES and tossed it in.

“Might be worth something,” he said.

Probably not enough for him to risk a bug crawling up his pantleg. Yet it could help fund his next venture, one Carter hoped would set up the rest of his life.

Damp and itchy and distressingly close to what smelled like spoiled yogurt, he tried to apply that optimism to his own recovery. If Carter could repurpose rubbish, he figured, maybe he could repurpose himself.

THE LONGING THAT GOT HIM into this mess started with light-up sneakers. As a first-grader, Carter ached for a pair, but his parents didn’t cave. They taught him to work for what he wanted.

His father was a successful music producer, so Carter grew up around wealth, which intensified his fixation on flashy shoes and Ed Hardy rhinestone shirts and souped-up Mustangs. Sophomore year, he applied for a job at McDonald’s and began saving for what he coveted. “Nice sh--,” Carter said.

The appetite for more and better was baked into American culture long before he was born. Spending was patriotic in the nation that invented mass marketing. Spending kept the factories running. Spending became so excessive, the historian who coined the term “American dream” advised his countrymen in 1931 not to mistake prosperity for “material plenty.” But over the last century, federal statistics show, the amount of clothes and shoes that Americans scrapped each year shot up almost tenfold.

Carter found a silk Christian Dior windbreaker at Goodwill for $1 in 2018, shortly after he’d dropped out of college. He’d never felt comfortable in a classroom, but for much of the next six years, he excelled at sourcing vintage pieces from donation bins and estate sales for a second-hand market near Vanderbilt University. “I made it,” he thought when a friend told him the young woman browsing his clothing racks was country star Kacey Musgraves.

Carter could have stashed away money. “But I screwed myself,” he said. First, he started taking too much Adderall. Then too many other drugs. In 2021, he spent a week in rehab and eased off the narcotics. But Carter still struggled with his addiction to spending.

He bought Christian Dior Birkenstocks for $1,200. A camping van for $10,000. A Mercedes-AMG that cost $3,100 monthly, including insurance. “I just woke up itching for stuff,” he recalled. His monthly outflow, at its highest, surpassed $15,000.

When the celebrity interest moved on and business dwindled and Carter owed more than he was making, he slept in his storage unit until an attendant warned he’d get kicked out. Crashing with his parents hadn’t worked, either. They’d argued. He’d wanted to be alone.

Cramped in a Nissan Sentra for three weeks, Carter vowed to control his cravings.

A cousin loaned him cash to get into a one-bedroom apartment, and he hawked just enough shirts to cover the $1,000 monthly rent. His rebound started one November afternoon last year, when, emerging from Goodwill, Carter noticed men behind the warehouse next door plopping dozens of office chairs next to a dumpster.

“Those are trash?” he’d walked over to ask. Yes, replied one man, who introduced himself as a trucker for a moving company. And more were coming, he said, thanks to a corporate office shuttering.

Carter crouched over the swivel seats and Googled the brand. Steelcase. They were going for hundreds of dollars each online.

He returned with a trailer and grabbed 190 chairs. All but 40 sold in six weeks to liquidators he’d emailed. The $17,000 profit allowed Carter to pay off his credit cards and pay back his cousin.

His foraging expanded to other warehouses, hotels, apartment buildings and the mall. Eager for leads on personal clutter, too, he printed lawn signs: “JUNK AWAY JUNK REMOVAL. TEXT OR CALL.” retrieved couches, standing desks, industrial lamps and iPads. After six weeks, his eBay sales hit $30,000. Once, a security guard confronted him with a gun drawn. Mostly, though, nobody seemed to care.

Carter wondered what his parents would think. They’d refused to lend him money when he’d felt most vulnerable, and for two weeks, he’d been too angry to speak to them.

Still, he wanted to make them proud.

“I’m providing a service,” he told them.