Friday, September 4, 2026
Wednesday, September 2, 2026
—INTO THE MYSTIC, WOULD HAVE STAYED THERE WITH YOU MY WHOLE LIFE
Birthmark
My sister wrote words on her skin using colored markers that streaked like blood. Her penmanship was a tiny scrawl, almost Asian-looking, and to be able to read it you had to get very close, with her permission, and she’d have to stop squirming.
It was hard not to shudder the first time I visited. I thought places like that were supposed to help the addicted, but my sister looked gaunt and ghoulish. When I inquired about the writing, she pulled her sleeves down and started crossing and uncrossing her arms until I glanced away. “It’s better than needles,” she said. Then she added, “You probably don’t even believe it anymore.”
“What’s that?”
“You and I being twins.”
We’d begun the same, then turned opposite corners with dull edges. The sharp edges had just come recently. Before, she was light and I was dark. I had a habit of destroying things: television sets, furniture, other people’s self-esteem. My sis sang sweet choir songs. She wore dresses while my parents glowed, making me no more than a birthmark, a shadow, some gutted placenta.
It was cruel the way I set her up with Devon. He always gave the first gram free, but I paid cash so she’d have five. By the fourth, she was circling Jupiter and I was washing up.
Now it does hurt a little to see what I’ve created, but I figure Sis will toughen up, sober up eventually. She might even sing again.
Monday, August 31, 2026
--TELL ME A SECRET, HONEY, MAKE IT COUNT
Cemetery Kids
When there was nothing left to do, we kicked dirt, boot-hard, watched the clods burst like obscene rainclouds.
Gordy was wasted that day at the cemetery, said he’d jump in the grave if we got him another jug of Mogen David. He could be quirky that way, or needy like me, though I was always too afraid to show it.
Unannounced, Manny shot me in the chest with his squirrel hunting bb gun. I didn’t swear or cry out. Didn’t wince or grimace. My mind wandered like property that no longer belonged to me, and I let myself fall into the hole. Just closed my eyes the way you might during prayer.
It pierced the skin below my left nipple, the one Monica Westfall used to tweak back when Gramp’s car still ran, in the fold-out seats, the both of us circling around the “L” word as if we knew what we were talking about.
Friday, August 28, 2026
…(this is a song I didn’t want to write.)
…It’s pretty great to have a best friend in the whole world. It makes you feel really grateful every morning, even if it ends up being one of those rare days you don’t actually communicate.
...I lost my sense of smell a while ago. But for some reason, Eucalyptus is something I can still get a hint of, from time to time.
…“The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black, bough.”
-- Ezra Pound, 1913
…I hope there are balloons where you are, like hot air balloons. It’s pretty amazing when you look up in the sky and see them hanging there.
…This is long, so take a pass if you’ve got a lot of stuff shaking. I watched the whole thing through four times, though, so far:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UAe9ux2RXc&list=RD3UAe9ux2RXc&start_radio=1
(Pinkpop is the longest-running continuous annual pop and rock music festival in the world, held every year in Landgraaf, Netherlands.)
…You have the keys. Yeah, you do. Open any door you want. Maybe there’s a new room you haven’t been in.
…I almost never do this, but I went back and edited half of what you’re reading here. I realized, pretty clearly, that no one likes a needy, grouchy fuck.
…It feels good to be kind instead of bitter.
…So, it’s Friday, and most people, generally speaking, love Friday because it signals the upcoming weekend. Everyday around here is Friday, or Wednesday, or Tuesday to me, so it doesn’t matter. But I’m happy for you, that you’re about to get a break from the rush of the week.
… Like most of us, I’ve spent a good part of the week thinking about her a lot, trying to figure out why she mattered so much, why her sudden absence feels so colossal and devastating.
I think it’s because—in my lifetime at least—Dolly Parton was the closest any of us ever got to seeing Jesus in the flesh, even if it was on screen or in the back row of a concert.
Whether you believe in Jesus or God or not, she was the living embodiment of that idea—grace, goodness, acceptance and hope.
Even my mother, who I often felt was Satan’s fraternal twin, loved Dolly like no other.
It would be nice to live in a country again where these words were true and felt by all of us…
“I have some of everybody in my own immediate family and in my circle of employees. I’ve got transgender people. I’ve got gays. I’ve got lesbians. I’ve got drunks. I’ve got drug addicts—all within my own family. I know and love them all, and I do not judge.” Dolly Parton
,..I’d like to be that guy in the band, in the video(s), who never shows his face. I’d like to be that selfless…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlcfgoTRtUQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJnAWZNBZ6o&list=RDaJnAWZNBZ6o&start_radio=1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIEKXjHgSbs&list=RDaJnAWZNBZ6o&index=2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seeYCad3kf4&list=RDaJnAWZNBZ6o&index=3
…Pinkie Swear.
…So far, today feels like a good day to be alive. (But I’m only writing this--right now this second--on a Wednesday.)
...Clearly, it’s not that simple. This kid has been here for three hours so far, and he’s not at all conversational, which is a good thing on many fronts.
…Sweet Hallelujah, it blows my mind every time.
…“I fight pain, anxiety, and fear every day, and the only method I have found that relieved my illness is to continue creating art.” Yayoi Kusama (RIP) (She's pictured above today's title slide.)
...“There are a lot of angry dogs around here.”
...The right poem, at the right time, can solve a lot of ills.
…The good news is the internet is out. It’s hard to cause too much trouble when you don’t have wi-fi.
...Strippers? Are you fucking kidding me?
…I think the only exception I’d make is for Royel Otis or Sam Fender.
…I’m not a big fan of aging. I got a haircut yesterday and did something I never do while getting shorn—I actually looked in the mirror. Big mistake. I looked like an elderly grandfather with a bib tied around them and instead of catching food it was catching bits of hair.
…I wouldn’t mind looking like a grandfather if I could actually have grand kids.
…Everyone says, “You never know; they could change their mind.” The thing is; I do know. They’re never changing their mind.
…Still, I could lose my mind.
…It was awfully blustery yesterday. I definitely saw Dorothy and Toto flying by.
…I hope you’re tired of it, because I sure am. I’m over and done, but I feel okay and you should, too.
…“Lake America.” What a stupid fucking child.
…However, I did like when someone from Canada said they might change Lake Ontario’s name to “Lake Epstein Files.”
…“Donald Trump was mentioned more than 38,000 times in the latest batch of Epstein files, according to a New York Times review of the Justice Department's Friday public release.
…“People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to be become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead.” James Baldwin
…Is there any reason? Is it all just a lie?
…I think I might have doubled up. I do that more than I should—order twice the amount I actually wanted or needed.
…You can pick your devils but you can’t pick your angels--they choose you.
…In the words of Taylor Swift (who I will always vigorously defend) here’s what I told myself more than a few times this week: “You need to calm down.”
…“She slept so hard, even the accident didn’t wake her up.” Dorothy Allison, Bastard Out of Carolina
...I had that dream again, where I've parked my car in a high-rise lot and don't remember the floor, so I keep walking aimlessly for hours, up and down, up and down.
...Who gets a "Ding" for wandering aimlessly?
...The thing is, I don't care, whatsoever, if anyone understands what I say on Fridays. The ones who should, will.
...It's not a very attractive thing to mention, but I generate a lot of mucus, for whatever reason.
…Tomorrow could be a good day to begin anew.
...There's definitely no one in the world up right now.
…My band teacher in junior high (I played drums, sort of) had a pageboy haircut, parted down the middle, with John Lennon eyeglasses and balloon-sleeve shirts, diagonally striped pants, and ankle boots. I’m pretty sure he was stoned everyday he taught. Mr. Greenwood was his name. Isn’t it amazing how you remember your teachers, even after decades and decades?
…A miracle mile. Where does it lead to?
...You can't nap forever, until you can.
...I'm most definitely going to need a nap today.
…Maybe you can mix in a blink or two so I know you’re not A.I.
…If you don’t have regrets, you’re not living. And if you have regrets, you’re probably not living hard enough.
…I’m going to be living pretty hard in about, oh, ten days.
…It’s always about the ending, so let’s end with this:
Wednesday, August 26, 2026
—IT’S NOT THAT FAR BUT SOMEHOW OUT OF REACH
Untitled
You pinched our
last pin
of light out
so casually
so tactfully
as if you’d rehearsed
the end for years
but never told me
Maybe it’s better this way
the absence of color
suffused with the onslaught of dark
I might have stood up to applaud if
you hadn’t buzz-sawed my legs off at the knees
So this morning
I took every knife out
from the drawers
lined them up like good little soldiers
or children who need to be taught
to do better
I scolded them as you would and
beat a few about the head
or handle
It felt both evil and beautiful
to have such command
to damage something so belligerently
For a few seconds
I almost understood why
you always looked skyward
during the carnage
Monday, August 24, 2026
—I’M RATING YOU FIVE STARS
Cards
The guy in the card section of the supermarket has beads of sweat dotting his forehead, an oily ellipse dripping to his chin, disheveled gray hair, his breathing wonky, forced, like a lion who’s missed its kill.
“It’s our anniversary tomorrow,” he says, over his shoulder, not looking or even acknowledging me while I stand inches away, his voice a coffee grinder almost out of battery life.
“We’ll be three years tomorrow,” I say, because I feel naked, fully dressed in this store, but I have to say something.
“Kids. That’s cute. That’s how it starts out.”
I lean toward the shelf but then arch back. Everything feels uneven. “Um, how it starts?”
“Have lots. Have five kids at least,” he says, still without ever turning, his Roostertail hair staring back at me like a finger pointing.
“So, I’m just trying to get her a card, you know?” I say.
“Pick the best one you can find, the words only matter if they matter to you, but when you get home, spritz it with your cologne. Make it authentic. Fuck all the commercial bullshit.”
“Huh?”
“Leave it under her pillow, or if she’s a tough sleeper, leave it on the bathroom counter by her toothbrush so it’s what she sees first thing.”
“Well, thanks, thank you for the advice.”
“I just found the one I need.”
“A card? What’s it say, if I can be so bold to ask?”
He finally looks at me, a gleam of yellow-orange light in his left eye. “Ha. It’s poetry man. It’s what saves your life when you don’t think you can make it, even if you don’t get the point.”
I don’t want to squirm, but I do. I shiver up and down in the aisle of the supermarket like an eel that really has to pee before finally asking, “Yeah, okay, I guess, but what does it say? The card you selected?”
“Who cares? It’s poetry. It’s only ever crows and robins at the cemetery.”
“What?”
“If my wife was still alive, I’d skip the whole card thing and just try to write her a poem. She’d laugh about how bad it was. She’d laugh from the gut, like a sailor. But, yeah, if she was still here, I’d write her a poem. Fuck these cards.”
Friday, August 21, 2026
—RUN, BABY, RUN
…Friday is the best day to start your weekend, or so I’ve been told.
…This isn’t what I had in mind, though.
…It was never a contest, but I think I enjoyed every moment a lot more than you ever did.
…Time, is no friend of mine.
…A few things I really don’t like—walking over any bridge, driving over any bridge, tomatoes, flakey people, onions, cottage cheese, Satan and genocide.
…“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” Maya Angelou
…I finally sent the book off Wednesday. Cross your fingers for me.
…I swear, I’ll get there as soon as I can.
…That guy just got a job, and that other guy just lost his. It’s kind of sad how that works.
…Gotta make the most while the clock’s still ticking.
--We’re talking 1,300 children.
--So, your measurement stick is the number of children abused by a guy, not just some guy abusing one or two?
…How did I get here and how I am I still even here?
…You can understand, right, how I’ll never again believe anything else you ever say?
…Those shoes are awfully quiet.
…Red, red wine.
…No, no, no. It’s art, what we do. Even if no one recognizes it as such.
…You know what I’m going to do right now?
…There’s always a work-around anymore, you just have to know which one it is.
…The thing I’ve noticed a lot lately is, everyone’s so young.
…I’ve never been good at shaking hands, though my hands often shake too much.
…So you think it’s that simple, do you?
…I set all my regrets on fire cause I know I’ll never take the time to unpack my missteps
…“You see shit every day that makes you feel like you should be more successful, have more money, have this, have that, whatever the fuck it is, but it’s not reality. Because when do you stop?” Ben Simmons
…Sometimes you think you can get it back, but you can’t, no way.
…It’s Murphy’s Law. There’s nothing to be done about it.
…What I’ve found is that if you don’t write it down, it doesn’t mean anything.
…I don’t want to ruin the surprise.
…On second thought, I should probably get that button fixed, right?
…“You don’t look so great yourself.”
…You know it’s just a movie, right?
…Huh, that’s weird, or is it just me?
--Who are you trying to be today?
--I thought I’d be me.
--Is that a good idea?
--Yeah, you're right. Probably not.
…I’m not sure what normal is anymore.
…In case you’re wondering, this is what 2 a.m. looks like.
…If you see me on Monday, treat me like a pooch—just pat my head and don’t say anything.
…We can always mourn, come Wednesday.
…Really? Seriously? I need an AFIB alert, first thing, this early?
…“Shut up. Just keep reading.”
…I hope I marked up the right pages.
…You have to be very careful with exclamation marks. They call a lot of attention to themselves, like some people I know.
…But everything is relative.
…“Never open your life jacket on the plane.”
…Love your babies—they’re all you’ve got.
…I love animals and dogs a LOT. But it’s hard to love a bulldog. I’m not sure how so many people do it.
…They say I’m unappealing when I shoot my shot.
…Let’s just let it sit and settle a bit. Then we’ll decide.
…I’m going to go ahead and carry the weight this time, all the way across the finish line.
The U.S. national debt crossed $40 trillion on Tuesday, according to newly released data from the Treasury Department. |
…In the past 40 years, 20 presidents have amassed $200 million their entire time in office while Trump has made over $2 Billion in 500 days.
… News Alert: Trump announces ‘most crushing economic operation ever’ against Iran
(Then why did he start a war? And why did he start a war when he swore a year ago he’d “obliterated” Iran’s total nuclear arsenal?)
How do people stand this guy's fucking bullshit?
… TX Gov Abbott attacks Muslim airport stations
Legal experts say his attack fits a pattern of anti-Muslim actions and rhetoric.
(Why does this matter, what Muslims do or don't do? Do you not have bigger problems to solve in your state? I can name a dozen off the top of my head. This is just total bigotry.)
…ICE begins deporting Haitians who lost TPS
Community leaders said Thursday’s removal flight was one of the largest they had seen and included people who were detained in recent weeks.
The first deportation flight to Haiti since the Trump administration ended humanitarian protections for 350,000 people living in the United States landed Thursday in the Caribbean nation, and activists say immigration arrests are beginning to ramp up
The flight carrying 170 people, ranging in age from 19 to 71, landed in Cap-Haitien, on the northern coast of Haiti.
(That is one of the sickest things I’ve ever seen, but then again, this was just Thursday. There’s a reason they had fucking protected status, you assholes, and now you’re going to just deport 350,000 of them so ICE can reach their quota?)
…I decided to call him a monster from now on. Monsters are, by and large, quite stupid. Satan is smart. This guy is the farthest thing from intelligent—evil, sure, but dumb as fuck.
…When I read, or think, about the monster too much, I tend to swear a lot. I apologize.
…Sometimes small battles are emblematic of much bigger wars.
…There’s no chance the moon’s showing up tomorrow at noon, same as there’s no chance I’m dying after my friends do, thank God.
--What in the hell is wrong with you?
--No one knows, exactly.
…I always thought there’d be so much more, but you’re right—hidey ho’.
…I’ve never watched a single episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond” where I haven’t laughed. Like, NEVER. And I’ve rarely laughed less than half an hour during each episode, though each episode only runs 22 minutes, sans commercials.
--Is this a good idea?
--Might as well find out.
--Will you tell me if it is?
--Nope.
--Why not?
--We’re no longer talking.
--We aren’t?
--Nope.
--Thank God.
…I’ve got more to say, but this’ll do it for now, Amigo.