—YOU CAN SEND ME A PICTURE OF THE ROOM YOU’RE IN, WITH YOUR EVENING DOWNTOWN VIEWS

…I will be a lot older than nine or nineteen tomorrow, but I won’t feel like it.

…In spite of everything, the tiresome mess, I think it was worth it.  I definitely do.

 …The stars so still are never really still.  They shudder and quake most times I see them, as if it’s me who makes them anxious.  

…I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m not done yet.

…It’s easy to kill a bug, even a tiny bug, or a spider, and not feel one drop of guilt, not give it a second thought.  I wonder if that’s what it’s like for the universe when a child dies before it should.

…If I tell you nothing else—Thanks.  Thanks so much.

…Some people tell me I scare too easily, and I believe them.

…I like people with a positive outlook, but too much of anything can be a little too much.

…I like to believe that anything is possible, but there are some things a person just can’t survive.

…Put it all together, and depression is a tenacious and scary condition.

…It’s good to remember that every little pebble isn’t a boulder.

…It’s important to be something, to want something, to exist outside yourself.  The other option is pretty bleak.

…I’m not afraid to fail anymore.  I’ve spent all these years getting pieces published and winning contests here and there, and still I wondered why I wasn’t happy.  The more I succeeded, the less fulfilled I felt.  I kept waiting for the time when success would finally fill me up, without realizing that success was never going to be enough.  I was missing the point all along—to embrace the things that truly brought me joy: the pursuit, and the sharing of that pursuit with others.  I get to do this.  I get to write.  Right there’s the happiness.

…Some people are better than others at letting go completely.

…I threw so much away yesterday.  Piles and piles of detritus.  Those old thoughts I was holding onto.  Embryo dreams.  Butterflies and beeswax.  But it kept regenerating, gone one second, then right back the next.  It’s amazing how stubborn trash can be when it knows it’s not trash, but something invaluable.

…I think I’ve selected a shelf too-high up for this brain.  I mean it’s pretty hard to reach most days.

…I’d tell you to walk in my feet, but they’re all I have left.

…“I wake up in the morning, looking at beautiful vistas, and I’m doing interesting things, but the truth of the matter is I’m alone for most of that time…  Loneliness is something I’ve become very comfortable talking about.” Anthony Bourdain

…I’ve tried to talk about comfort, but how do you describe a color you never see?

…The thing about a last goodbye is you never know when it’s the last.

…This is the closest thing I have to a diary, and it’s not even a diary.  Wonder what that means, why I ramble and spill so freely?

…It’s impossible to live unless you’re crossing somebody’s line.  Just try it and you’ll see.

…There were so many boats and jet skis out on the lake yesterday.  The sun was unencumbered.  The sounds of summer rang out over the water.  It was a joy, just to sit there and watch and listen, to feel glad that all those people were living life.  Is that what happy looks like?

…Each day I watch my resolve melt, like acid tossed on skin.  Such a weak boy.

…Yesterday I had a conversation with you in my head.  It was pleasant and agreeable.  Nothing was broken this time.  You seemed resolute.  You nodded a lot and tilted your head like a curious fawn on drugs.  In the end, you seemed amused that all this was taking place in my mind, as if you knew how crazy I was all along.

…Life isn’t always easy, and many people are insane.  But you either do the best you can, or you don’t.

…My phone almost never rings.  Now, when it does, I get a little nervous.  It reminds me how much a life can change in a few short years.

…Sometimes it’s tough to be a fan--a fan of anything really.  It’s too easy to get your heart broken, time  after time, when your team keeps on losing when they should have won.

…We have sweet and tender goodbyes.  We have mean-spirited goodbyes.  Maybe we are not quite ready for goodbye.

…It’s really hard to hate anyone when you don’t know what they’ve been through.  Actually, it’s really hard to hate anyone at all, except maybe (…)

…In case you can’t tell, I’m trying to get you on my side.  How am I doing?

…It’s impossible to feel sad listening to kids giggle uncontrollably.  I should probably look for that soundtrack.

…There actually is a point where nothing can possibly make it any worse than it already is, and will be, so why not talk?

…What do you do when your ego asks for a divorce?

…If it’s clean, there’s absolutely no body of water that isn’t utterly beautiful, mysterious and soothing.  Give me a lake, an ocean, a river and I’ll be just fine. 

…I could probably tell  you all my problems and you could probably be a fantastic listener, nod and gasp a lot while authentically trying to sympathize, but, afterward, those problems would still be sitting there on my chest like a fleet of riverboats, churning black liquid squids, leaking oil, treading water and going nowhere.

…I still miss John.  I wonder how things might have been different, but then that’s a lot like imagining a world where JFK was never assassinated.  But I guess it’s okay to wonder.

…This is what we’re supposed to do—forgive each other.

…Do you think you could apologize to me some other time?