--IT’S TIME FOR ME TO FIND A NEW MARTINI

…Hey, Monday, I’m glad you’re here because tonight I’m going to see Ryan Adams.  Not “Bryan” but Ryan.  If you don’t know the difference, which people don’t but which you should, check him out here:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bp064T7rQSk

or this one he filmed four days before 9/11:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmHgY_J63Ik

 or this, which is one of my faves, with such great lyrics:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buAu6ZbD6vs

 Are you in yet?  Hope so.

 ...Speaking of favorites, here are the bits I liked most from Facebook friends last week:

 -Watched a documentary last night on the lead singer of a band called Pentagram. Was a pretty good movie, Last Days Here. The guy is named Bobby Liebling and like all singers from 70s metal bands that I want to watch movies about, he lives in his parents basement and smokes crack.

-Guy at the grocery store: You're that journalist, right?

Me: I was, but not anymore.
Guy: Yeah, you sucked, so I can understand that.
Me: Excuse me?
Guy: You really sucked, so I can see why you got fired.

-A landline I didn't know existed rang in my workshop classroom today. I answered it, and the caller tried to order a quesadilla.

-I have just seen a blind guy leading another blind guy--and they seemed to be doing just fine.

-ADVICE TO THE WORLD AS WE ALL SWITCH TO ELLO:

- tell your mom that ello is a myth, she doesn't need to join up, facebook will live forever, she's totally covered, and also that she looks really nice today
- if you're mad all the time, please buy a diary, and stay off the internet until you feel better
- no one wants to buy anything you're selling, so stfu already, or like, save that shit for facebook (i know that's bad news people, it's bad news for me too.ok, i think that's it. we can totally keep ello sick, as long as we don't act all facebook and shit about it

 -And she goes, No, you're on drugs

I go, Mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking
She goes, No you're not thinking, you're on drugs.  Normal people don't act that way

- seriously, no one gives a shit about babies, so don't post pics and videos of your stupid fat baby on ello. at least when a cat is being cute we can fantasize about one day owning that specific cat, but no one can have your baby, and it's gross anyway and no one even cares. your mom is already on facebook, so just keep posting that shit here
- also, no cat shit, please
- hey, dood, i am also someone who reads the news. i know who got shot today, and who overdosed on heroin, and who invaded who. you're not tom brokaw, so like, cool it. and like, you don't miss the celebrity who died last weekend. they weren't your friend. they didn't know your name. they never gave two shits, and neither did you. cool it- seriously, no one gives a shit about babies, so don't post pics and videos of your stupid fat baby on ello. at least when a cat is being cute we can fantasize about one day owning that specific cat, but no one can have your baby, and it's gross anyway and no one even cares. your mom is already on facebook, so just keep posting that shit here
- also, no cat shit, please

-Hands down the worst answer to an interview question in a customer service industry.
Question: what are 3 areas you could improve on?
Answer: "I'm not very nice to people. And I don't know anything else"

Ya, not a good answer.

-i dont wanna be an animal no more

-Nothing like the smell of bone dust as they sink screws into your skull. Nothing like the sound of that little driver.