…I have two new stories up, "Castaways" at 52/250 A Year of Flash and "Vampire Weekend" at Loch Raven Review. Somehow "Vampire Weekend" got published without me getting a final notification, so I just found out it's been there since summer. I also have a poem, "Repeats" in The New Verse News, which is a literary mag focused on current events and/or politics.
…I ran 17 miles this morning in cold rain. I'm still cold, even after a hot shower, and despite the fact that I'm wearing thick, comfy slippers.
…Two more days until "Write a novel in a month" starts. I'm nervous. Probably won't be many stories or poetry coming out of me that month, but I will still blog.
…These are fun. A friend shared them, and now I'm sharing them with you:
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, ! "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." !
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns
to his friends, with the hope that! at least ten of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did