—NEVER MET A BETTER LETTER
…It’s been a while. Maybe that’s why…
…How are you? I’m feeling saddle sore.
…"The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated." William James
…I spent yesterday morning texting friends, then watched four episodes of HIMYM with my daughter, then played over an hour of wicked table tennis with my son, then after a shower, I still felt bitter and angry.
I wanted to hit something.
I’m not a violent person. I’m really not. I’m the opposite.
For instance, if some random guy was a dick to me for four hours straight and he said I had free reign to punch him in the face, I wouldn’t be able to do it. That’s why yesterday seemed strange.
I grew up with seven brothers, six older than me. In those days, it was common practice for an older brother to beat up their younger sibling. It didn’t happen regularly to me, but often enough that I took the boxing lessons offered after class in elementary school. They didn’t help a whole lot. I was far skinnier then than I am now.
But in my early twenties I got a speed bag and hung it from a wall in the garage. It was a good way to work out aggression, until I learned the steel ball the bag hung from was shooting metal splinters in my eyes, for which I had to have surgery and was blind for five days.
Still I miss that speed bag.
…I miss a lot of things. I miss. I miss. I miss…
… So far this short week, I’ve received emails with the following subject titles…
ADULT DATING
MORNING STAR RETIREMENT OPPORTUNITIES
DEMENTIA PROGRAM – THE ONE FOOD THAT FIGHTS MEMORY LOSS S S S S
SILVERSINGLES INFO
HOW TO GET ROCK HARD
…Makes me think I must be old, impotent and single, and not know even know it…
…I hated summer when I was a kid. I know--what kid hates summer? But school was a safe place. You could be kind of invisible there. Even the cruelest kids could never be as evil as what waited for you at home.
…Safety is a very big thing to me. I know that sounds soft, but I need to feel safe with the people I love and trust.
…These days if you look inside my head you’ll see an empty parking lot. I have a hard time remembering what day it is, or even what month. I haven’t finished reading a book since sometime in February.
…If you have a strong opinion about something, is that the same as being judgmental?
…If you claim someone is a gossip, does that make you a gossip? Just asking for a friend.
...I miss those odd bumps. I love those odd bumps. Where are they?
…In love, there is no wrong approach.
…Getting sad is getting old.
…I’ve been living in the future, in my head. It’s pretty easy to do that.
…You have to sell a bit of your soul to fit in. You have to forfeit a level of authenticity.
…I was watching YouTube videos last night when it started to storm, an angry torrent on the roof and the lake like boiling water, so I turned off my computer and just listened to the deluge rage. It sounded like something I wish I could do.
…“Some of the world’s best songs haven’t even been written yet.” Taylor Meier
…“Growing older is not as scary as I thought it would be. Just because you’re not as pretty, doesn’t mean you’re not happy.” Princess Chelsea
…It’s important to be hopeful, always, even when things are at their most bleak. Without hope, we’re all fucked.
….“I’m not saying anything. I’d rather walk to my grave…” Skating Polly
…You don’t even realize you’re too kind.
…I gave up on feeling brave a long time ago.
…Cherry blossoms. It’s hard to feel bad when you see cherry blossoms. Thank you, Japan.
…I’m not very good at confrontation. In the corporate world I was really good at it. In my 24 years I probably had to fire at least 100 people. It was never enjoyable, but I got good at it. It was always about making sure the other’s person’s dignity stayed in tact.
…Hopefully, you live and you learn. Hopefully you live first.
…When I’m really frustrated, this is the song I play REALLY LOUD in my car with the windows closed. Sometimes it actually helps…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3L4YrGaR8E4
…You know how some people talk to themselves? I write to myself. I don’t know if it works, but it helps.
…I could use some help today. I really could.
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