Wednesday, May 17, 2017


Note Cards

“Wait, don’t tell me. Let me guess. You’re sad again?”
“Maybe if you worked on your core, your back wouldn’t be so stiff.”
“Multi-tasking is overrated.  Good luck being a rubber band man.”
“All of these questions are just answers turned inside out.”
“If you could actually fly, would you still be afraid of heights?”
“Everyone on earth was once loved by someone.”
“There’s a reason you get cranky when you don’t eat, same as there’s a reason hailstorms make you feel full.”
“If it’s really so beautiful there, why aren’t you smiling?”
“No, really, I want to know: why aren’t you smiling?”
“You could always try talking to yourself.  It works for some people.”
“Some people have it worse off.  A lot of people, actually.  Don’t you read the news?”
“I mean, why are you there when everybody else is someplace else?”
“You should be a better listener. The moon wants to tell you something.”
“All the books in the world might not be enough.”
“You could try writing a letter to an inmate, but then mail it to yourself, respond, mail it back, and see if you get a satisfactory answer.”
“Some medicine isn’t medicine at all, just a placebo.”
“Some medicine is actually bad medicine.”
“There you go again.”
“You might want to notice that the sun’s been in quite a hurry lately.”
“What does it mean when your phone is the thing you touch most in this world?”
“Why read the instructions if you’re not going to follow through on what you’ve been told?”
“There are hotlines for what you have.”
“It’s an older model, so be careful with the brakes.”
“Good posture is often more impressive than good looks.”
“There’s always a code you’re trying to crack, even though you suck at math.”
“One thing you can always hang your hat on is this: Everybody has issues, but most keep them well hidden.”
“Don’t forget: A stitch in time saves nine.”
“Smoke gets in your eyes, but really, it seeps into the skin.”
“There’s heat in your kitchen. Can you stand it?”
“Yeah?  For how long?”



“Your problem is you keep wondering about wonder.”
“The thing is, puppies don’t stay puppies forever.”
“When it’s that windy, a tree’s coming down somewhere.”
“Some fish spend their whole life at the bottom of the ocean, and you don’t hear them complaining.”
“If you keep asking, you’re only going to get more confused.”
“Every wave is its own piece of artwork. Look. Watch it bend and ripple. See what I mean?”
“I can tell you’re a little unsteady.”
“The nights are more important for some people. What’s important to you?”
“An exercise in futility is still exercise. Well, isn’t it?”
“Just look at you.”
“Remember when God took that trip and you thought he’d run out of gas before arriving? Hilarious!”
“Sometimes ‘Silly’ isn’t meant as a compliment.”
“You should take a moment to understand why you get this way.  It could be time well spent.”
“Who needs a shrink when there are blisters that need popping?”
“Nobody gets cold sores at your age.”
“Envy is often underrated.”
“All those cute toddlers you see out there?  They’re not yours.  Never will be.”
“Be careful.  Remember that time the clock inched its way backward?”
“You should take the peanuts and Cracker Jack.  If you’re even halfway-to-smart, you should also care about coming back.”
“Made in the shade—whatever that means.”
“Piranhas are actually very small fish.”
“Once bitten, twice shy.  Once bitten, and you may or may not end up with scar tissue.”
“The end of the story means different things to different people.”
“Whoever said ‘One thing is not like the other’ should have won the Pulitzer.”
“If it turns you this blue, try thinking of another color.”
“The man on the moon just threw something at you. Can you find it?”
“Some love notes don’t even contain the word love in them.  Do they have to?”
“One last question: Why are you here?”


“Procrastination is your twin brother, only he’s far more handsome.”
“If you’re like this now, what’re you going to do when it gets really dark out?”
“Baby, baby, baby, I love you, Baby. When are you coming back this way again, Baby?”
“Surround yourself with lots of animals.  Most will love you unconditionally.”
“I know you’re not trying to be funny, but still you crack me up.  I mean, come on.”
“When’s the last time you __________?”
“Filling in the blanks is very difficult for some of us.”
“Smirking or winking are two things you should never attempt.”
“Maybe there’s an angel napping on your shoulder right now.  Have you ever thought of that?”
“Being able to hold your breath for long periods doesn’t make you any lighter or smarter. It just makes you stupid.”
“You should shy away from sarcasm. It makes you uglier.”
“Once upon a time someone came up with the expression ‘Once upon a time’.  Now it’s your turn.”
“You trying to be strong—now that’s a real hoot.”
“Does it even bother you a little bit that all the bees are dying?”
“I bet you’d make a really good ghost.”
“If a blade can stand up straight, what’s your excuse?”
“You can put it under lock and key, but it’s still going to be there.”
“A recipe for disaster—that’s something you should look into.”
“If you’re going to be that way, the birds will all just fly somewhere else.”
“I know you get all worked up over the moon, but really, she’s got other stuff on her mind.”
“It’s best to be mindful of hazardous material, especially when it’s sitting right there.”
“You know, in the old days, people like you wore jackets they couldn’t get out of by themselves. And yet they were called Straight.”
“Of course you think you’re the only one, but seriously, Dude?  It’s a big world.  Look around.”
“You can rotor till all you want, but if you don’t pluck out the rocks, nothing’s going to grow.”
 “Not all seedlings want to become plants. Some want to stay just the way they are. Isn’t that just so sad?”
“Animals are startled by loud, sudden noises.  That should teach you something.”
“When’s the last time you taught yourself a lesson?”
“Did you learn anything?”
“Yeah, and what are you doing about it?”
“Thought so.”




  1. Hi Len, it's too bad that Bartleby Snopes quit doing those "all dialogue" contests!!! You have some outstanding lines in each one of these three beauties! Keep up the great work!

    1. RV, thanks so much for reading my psycho babble. I'm very grateful.