Friday, May 24, 2013


…Happy weekend.  Happy holiday weekend.
What are your plans?
I have a few things in the works, but nothing major.

…Here’s what some funny (or drunk) folks had to say on Facebook this week:

I'm a man magnet! Rubbin' bacon grease behind my ears really works. Unfortunately, every dog on the block is tryin' to hump my head.

I've gotta get my feng shui schwayin'...

Let's all take bets as to when I will actually lose my damn mind.....ready....GO!!!

i keep saying i'm going to do stuff, but i'll probably just end up eating an ice cream sandwich.

Feel like if I were to die right now that the fragrance from my armpits would overpower any corpse rotting smells.

sitting here, trying to will a gallon of milk down the street and through the door.

It's official! I'm a juror!
What kind of fuckery is this!

You can't make this stuff up. Dean and I arrived back at the cabin to discover a message on our phone: "Hi Tammy, this is Uncle Bob. Just wanted you to know the goose is out. Not sure if that matters, though."

split me open and pour in the candy.

Hungover. No TP in the house. In need of coconut water

This is not a punch line: I seem to have misplaced my black pleather plants.

Conversation I just overhead from the swings in my backyard between Davis as his buddy.
"If we shipped your sister to Taiwan, then you would have to adopt me right?"
Hmm....not sure much shipping a 5 year old to Taiwan is but I don't think Davis or his buddy have enough in their piggy banks.
Happy Friday all!

Just got followed on Twitter by "Licorice Nipples."

Yeah, I am unashamed to be of that age of staying home and drinking alone.


I ate an order of large fries from Wendy's today. I'm a member of the bourgeoisie.

I don't trust men who wear flip-flops.

Repent, the end of the world is near.when people tell you that you can’ fact especially then..that’s when i hope you’ll sing the loudest..i hope you buy a bracelet everywhere you go until your

Fuck yes.

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