--EVERYTHING IS FLEETING.  EVEN UGLINESS.  EVEN PAIN.

…I’m still hungover from my night seeing Ryan Adams.  (that’s him up top.)  Hence, I’ve not been very productive, or least that’s my excuse.  You on the other hand, are probably getting plenty done.  Congratulations.

 …So here are some things I like on a Wednesday:

-“Hope is neither passive waiting nor is it the unrealistic forming of circumstances that cannot occur. It is like the crouched tiger, which will jump only when the moment for jumping has come. “  Erich Fromm

 -“The best inheritance you can leave your kids is an example of how to live a full and meaningful life.”  Dan Zadra

 -“The eye can only see what the heart is willing to obey.” Ryan Meeks, or maybe Jesus

 -“Everyone of us is beautifully fucked up.” Karen Stefano

 -“Would it spoil the moment for you if I threw up?”

-“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” Pablo Picasso

 -“Friendship consists in forgetting what one gives,  and remembering what one receives.” Dumas The Younger

 - “If you are patient in one moment of anger you will save a thousand days of sorrow.”  Chinese Proverb

 -"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." Ralph Nichols

-"I do think so much of what writers wrestle with is our demons and our fears, and the dream world is dark, and it's not always painful, but it's mysterious." Andre Dubus III

-"If I had my life to live over again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once a week." Charles Darwin

-“This is your world. Shape it or someone else will.”  Gary Lew

  

-“In criticism, I will be bold, and as sternly, absolutely just with friend and foe. From this purpose nothing shall turn me.”  Edgar Allan Poe

--IT’S TIME FOR ME TO FIND A NEW MARTINI

…Hey, Monday, I’m glad you’re here because tonight I’m going to see Ryan Adams.  Not “Bryan” but Ryan.  If you don’t know the difference, which people don’t but which you should, check him out here:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bp064T7rQSk

or this one he filmed four days before 9/11:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmHgY_J63Ik

 or this, which is one of my faves, with such great lyrics:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buAu6ZbD6vs

 Are you in yet?  Hope so.

 ...Speaking of favorites, here are the bits I liked most from Facebook friends last week:

 -Watched a documentary last night on the lead singer of a band called Pentagram. Was a pretty good movie, Last Days Here. The guy is named Bobby Liebling and like all singers from 70s metal bands that I want to watch movies about, he lives in his parents basement and smokes crack.

-Guy at the grocery store: You're that journalist, right?

Me: I was, but not anymore.
Guy: Yeah, you sucked, so I can understand that.
Me: Excuse me?
Guy: You really sucked, so I can see why you got fired.

-A landline I didn't know existed rang in my workshop classroom today. I answered it, and the caller tried to order a quesadilla.

-I have just seen a blind guy leading another blind guy--and they seemed to be doing just fine.

-ADVICE TO THE WORLD AS WE ALL SWITCH TO ELLO:

- tell your mom that ello is a myth, she doesn't need to join up, facebook will live forever, she's totally covered, and also that she looks really nice today
- if you're mad all the time, please buy a diary, and stay off the internet until you feel better
- no one wants to buy anything you're selling, so stfu already, or like, save that shit for facebook (i know that's bad news people, it's bad news for me too.ok, i think that's it. we can totally keep ello sick, as long as we don't act all facebook and shit about it

 -And she goes, No, you're on drugs

I go, Mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking
She goes, No you're not thinking, you're on drugs.  Normal people don't act that way

- seriously, no one gives a shit about babies, so don't post pics and videos of your stupid fat baby on ello. at least when a cat is being cute we can fantasize about one day owning that specific cat, but no one can have your baby, and it's gross anyway and no one even cares. your mom is already on facebook, so just keep posting that shit here
- also, no cat shit, please
- hey, dood, i am also someone who reads the news. i know who got shot today, and who overdosed on heroin, and who invaded who. you're not tom brokaw, so like, cool it. and like, you don't miss the celebrity who died last weekend. they weren't your friend. they didn't know your name. they never gave two shits, and neither did you. cool it- seriously, no one gives a shit about babies, so don't post pics and videos of your stupid fat baby on ello. at least when a cat is being cute we can fantasize about one day owning that specific cat, but no one can have your baby, and it's gross anyway and no one even cares. your mom is already on facebook, so just keep posting that shit here
- also, no cat shit, please

-Hands down the worst answer to an interview question in a customer service industry.
Question: what are 3 areas you could improve on?
Answer: "I'm not very nice to people. And I don't know anything else"

Ya, not a good answer.

-i dont wanna be an animal no more

-Nothing like the smell of bone dust as they sink screws into your skull. Nothing like the sound of that little driver.

--I KEEP LOOKING BUT I CAN'T FIND THE MOON ANYWHERE, CAN YOU?


i'm the only one awake at this hour.
the moon is quiet.  the lake, too.
i don't know where the stars have gone, but they're out out out..
apparently done for the day, without a WE'RE CLOSED sign hanging like a droopy eye on the door knob.

today someone asked why i write such dark things.  they said they were worried for me.  they didn't recommend therapy, as others have, but they looked at their ankles and said, "I just don't know how anyone could write stuff like that.  it's really, like, dark, you know?"

it made me feel as if i was dirty.
in a way it did.
and in a way, maybe i am dirty.
maybe that's the point with all the dark writing i spew.

perhaps in time i'll figure it all out ,or perhaps i won't and i'll continue along, same as any other habitual person, going through the same motions because that is what's familiar and that's what i know.
dark.
seems funny though it's not.

but i sure as hell don't want anyone to feel sorry for me.

we land where we land and then we do what we have to do to survive.  right?

the bigger question is: do you have the patience?

or: is this too great a burden?

or: does it it hurt you in some way that makes your reading impossible?

one story i got rejected was, admittedly, very violent.
in the end it was.
a twin--twins again--avenged her sister's death by luring the killer into bed while proceeding to drug him and then carve her dead sister's name into his chest with a knife.

the editor said there was no way such a story could be published.  the editor was kind in the refusal to print the story, and also very apologetic in the rejection.

it might have bothered me more than i knew at the time.

at least i'm revisiting the whole thing tonight.

anyway, i'm heading to bed.

i feel like writing, but it'll just be more dark stuff.

but doesn't someone need to tell the truth?

--OPTIONS ARE IMPORTANT

...So I've been gone four days and now I'm back and I'm backed up, not in a physical sense, like constipated, but I've got a lot of things to get done.

In ten days I'm doing a reading here in little old Snoho at a cool bookstore.

I'm not one of those writers who loves reading.  I get nervous and don't especially enjoy the experience.  

Also, I've never read in front of non-writer friends before, so this one will be tricky.  I'll have to rehearse quite a bit.

Don't want to blow it and ruin the evening for everyone.

If you're around, you should come.

It would make me happy.

Really, it would.

An Evening of Fiction & Poetry with Author Len Kuntz   Come enjoy an evening of flash fiction & poetry as Uppercase Bookshop hosts author Len Kuntz. Len is the author of the book  The Dark Sunshine as well as nearly 800 stories and poems currently appearing in print and in online literary journals. Tuesday, October 14th 7:00 – 8:30pm Refreshments will be served!

--IT’S BAD LUCK NOT TO BE SUPERSTITIOUS

…What a weekend.  I won’t go into it, but it was not pretty.

 …Some horrific things happened in our country and around the world, just unbelievable stuff, most of it quite tragic, such as the Oklahoma postal worker who was fired and returned to his work place and beheaded (yep) a female co-worker.

--Then there was a woman in Greece who, an hour after being buried, was heard screaming in her casket.  By the time they’d dug her out, she was dead.  An investigation is being launched.

--Then there was this:

Two young Amish girls who were abducted from their vegetable stand in Oswegatchie, New York, by a couple.  The girls were kept in a cage and repeatedly abused for months.

--And this

For letting down her family's honor, a 12-year-old girl in China was killed and cut into pieces by her father, who then took the grisly pieces across the street to a public bathroom and dumped them in a public bathroom, police said.

The dad in Wenzhou City said he strangled his daughter because she was doing poorly at school, according to authorities.

--And this:

A 5-year-old boy tested positive for cocaine after sheriff’s deputies in California busted up his parents’ drug empire, authorities said.

The little boy was sitting next to a half-pound bag of blow in the back seat of his parents’ car on Friday when Ventura County Sheriff’s Deputies pounced on the Sylmar couple, authorities said.

The tot’s dad, 31-year-old Marco Cuevas, is accused of dealing coke and guns for months before a narcotics task force brought him down.

He and his 29-year-old wife, Sandy, loaded up the car on Friday and headed out for a family drug deal, leaving the bulk of the coke in the back seat with the five-year-old, authorities said.

Cuevas was carrying another couple ounces of cocaine, and his wife had $10,000 in drug money when they were arrested, authorities said.

They confiscated several pounds of marijuana, hundreds of pills, $75,000 in cash, 16 guns and nearly 3,000 rounds of ammunition, authorities said.

The couple lived in the house with their three kids, and Sandy Cuevas is pregnant with a fourth child, stunned neighbors said.

Preliminary tests showed the 5-year-old had cocaine in his system, deputies said.

Sandy Cuevas’ sister claimed there was no way the boy was high.

“No he wasn’t,” she told reports, adding her sister was “a perfect mom.”

…Holy Hell.  There are a lot more evil people in the world than you would think.

…But on a couple of happy notes, I saw these:

 “Some people say that dreaming gets you nowhere in life. But I say you can't get anywhere in life without dreaming.”  Rose Zadra

“I think that how one lives is more important than how long one lives. So I don't feel too bad.”  -32 Year old South Korean cancer victim Lim Yoon-taek

“Let’s do what we love, and do a lot of it.” Marc Jacobs

--THINGS COULD BE WORSE AND THINGS COULD BE SO MUCH BETTER

…For whatever reason, a lot of people’s pets died today.  Or so they’re saying on Facebook.  I understand how sad that must be.  I’d be miserable if anything ever happened to my sweet little Lucy.  Still, I don’t think I’d share the news.  Seems like a pity grab.

…I live in the boondocks (now there’s a word you don’t hear anymore).  The nearest grocery store (or food store, as they say on the east coast) is fifteen minutes away.  All the phone and power lines are above ground, sagging from slanted poles and there are thousands of old trees which occasionally (especially in winter when it snows, or during windstorms) crack off limbs which in turn fall on the power lines taking the power out with them.

That was the case this week and last week two.  Outages this early are pretty rare.

Yesterday the internet went out.

Sometimes there’s something to be said for living through an outage.  I’d find myself still flipping he light switches, which just goes to show how a person can take having power for granted.

When the kids were still here and we’d have an outage we’d light candles and get out the lanterns and play board games.  The kids actually looked forward to it.

Yesterday, with no internet, I wrote a ton of poetry.

Here are two (the first is all true and the first half of the second is true)

Strawberries

So much to say about the taste of a strawberry

How it takes me back to age nine

My first time working the fields

With all the Hispanics

Knees on the hard dirt and rocks

For hours

Clipping berries from stems

Picking as fast as I could

Filling flat after flat

Until the heat broke one hundred

And the foreman called it quits for the day

While we lined up like prisoners

Around the back of a pickup

Handing over our punch cards which showed

How much we’d picked

And getting cash for it

Bills discolored from berry juice

Looking blood-stained

The same way my fingers would until Fall

Me not caring one bit

Because back at home

In our trailer

As my parents went at each again

And my brothers turned up the TV

To override all the screaming

I lay in my bunk

Thinking about the rest of the summer in the fields

And the summers after that

About how much I’d pick

How much I’d make

Feeling I could be rich

And maybe

Just maybe

Make a new life for myself someday

Prison

I remember the day my brother got out of prison

Dad driving his ’63 Cadillac convertible with its chrome-tipped fins

The top down though it was dusk and windy and bitter cold

My step-brother in the back seat next to me

Yelling, “Floor it,” while Dad obliged

Though he’d been drinking earlier

Mom riding shotgun

Wearing a headscarf like her idol Grace Kelly

And cat-eyed glasses

Cigarette smoldering between her lips

Me wondering how it would feel to kill someone

Even on accident

Then being locked up all those years with nothing to do

But wrestle with shame

We’d switched towns after it had happened

But when my girlfriend found out

She broke things off

Others knew soon

I was a killer’s brother

And school was torture

At the prison gate we waited for hours

Until near midnight

He strolled out

“Aren’t you even going to give me a hug?” he said

“I don’t bite,” he said

I never did ask him how it felt

What it was like to be locked up

But tonight after I pick up my Dad from the same place

I’ll make sure he tells me how

It was for him  

…THE STARS GO BLUE

…There’s something about Wednesday that I love, though I can’t quite put my finger on the reason why.

…It’s been a mostly unproductive two weeks.  I need to get motivated.  Probably need more coffee as well.

…I had these up last week:

http://eunoiareview.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/interloper/

http://eunoiareview.wordpress.com/2014/09/18/probably-famous/

http://eunoiareview.wordpress.com/2014/09/18/suicide-announcement/

http://eunoiareview.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/mad-man/

…Here is a mix of things I like that you might also like:

http://www.wimp.com/lookedcloser/?utm_source=fb&utm_medium=pp&utm_content=lookedcloser&utm_campaign=autumn%2F/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOHEuhJf7nA

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/grandma-reacts-nicki-minaj-anaconda-video-article-1.1934444

And this song, one of my faves (lyrics below):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIL9dblda_A

"We Might Fall"

We should go to sleep now, You should stay the night
I'll be up to watch the world around us live and die
Lying on the grass now, dancing for the stars
Maybe one will look on down and tell us who we are
We might fall, we might fall, we might fall, Hallie we might fall
We might fall, we might fall, we might fall, Hallie we might fall
I could join the circus, and you could sell your hair
I could learn to walk the line or learn to train the bears
Tell me are we crazy, did you like the cold
Tell me are you comfortable if comfortable at all
We might fall, we might fall, we might fall, Hallie we might fall
We might fall, we might fall, we might fall, Hallie, we might fall
Now that we are older, I remember you. Reaching out to show me all the things that I must do
Now that we are older, I remember youth, now that we are close to death and close to finding truth
We might fall, we might fall, we might fall, Hallie we might fall
We might fall, we might fall, we might fall, Hallie we might fall
Sha-la la, sha-la-la, sha-la-la oh hey now
Sha-la-la, sha-la-la, sha-la-la,
oh hey we might fall, hey now, fall