—LOVE CAN’T HELP ITSELF

 

 

Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie

 

 

The trembling was a message from the future.

 

That’s part of the deal: I fall. Gravity is real.

 

Speaking one word is like speaking three sentences and carrying three thousand pounds.

 

You lose the game. You don’t win this.

 

But I’m a cockroach, and you can’t kill me.

 

If there is one great irony in my life, it is that I couldn’t literally be still until I couldn’t be anything other than unstill.

 

I always relied on my ability to run away from any potential bully.

 

Growing up, I always knew it was fight or laugh, so to make a big guy laugh was the safe way to go.

 

I just wanted to keep my head below water. I needed to suffer. I needed to go as low as I could go.

 

I realized I could no longer escape myself and Parkinson’s, otherwise it was like having a knife fight in a closet. 

 

You can't pretend, at home, that you don't have Parkinson's, because you're just there with it. But if I'm out in the world, and I'm dealing with other people, and they don't know I have it, then I don't have it.

 

I broke this shoulder — had it replaced. I broke this elbow. I broke this hand. I had an infection that almost cost me this finger. I broke my face. I broke this humorous. I’ve pretty much broke everything so far. 

 

We—Tracy and I—give each other space to make mistakes. Always remember that. Don't perceive slights that aren’t there.

 

We didn't have a lot of money. I was dumpster diving because I knew the grocery store would throw baked goods out. We'd steal jam and peanut butter from the IHOP or Denny's. It was a tough existence. But in a relatively short period of time I was famous and I was the biggest movie star in the world... It was crazy. It made no sense.

 

Laughing is always my first response to anything. It's just looking for joy in things.

 

The thing I think my legacy is, and I'm really grateful for, is the fact that there's a woman from 25 years ago who couldn't go shopping because she couldn't speak properly, and she couldn't find change in her purse, and she was afraid people would think bad things about her, like she was drunk and that kind of stigma. [I get to] take that pressure off people. They say, "He has it. I know him. I know that you're going through [this].” That's huge.

 

I’m still happy to join the day and be a part of things. I enjoy the little math problems of existence. I love waking up and figuring that stuff out and at the same time being with my family. My problem is I fall down. I trip over things and fall down and break things. And that’s part of having this. But I hope that, and I feel that, I won’t break as many bones tomorrow. So that’s being optimistic.

 

No matter how much I sit here and talk to you about how I've philosophically accepted it and taken its weight, Parkinson's is still kicking my ass. I won't win at this. I will lose. But, there's plenty to be gained in the loss.

 

“The only thing he ever asked of me was no violins. He didn’t want to make a pitiful, maudlin movie about a person with a condition.” Davis Guggenheim