--I AM WALKING A BRIDGE FOR YOU
…I think I’ve become too judgmental and opinionated. In fact, I know I have.
It’s nothing I’m proud of, but something I need to change, and soon. Sometimes I feel like I’m a jerk and, that is a shitty feeling...
…Anyway, I had an interesting weekend. How about you? I wish you’d tell me about it. I wish you’d tell me anything, really.
...Here are some interesting, or clever, or funny, or brave things, Facebook friends had to say last week:
-There's a new study out that says Oreo cookies are more addictive than cocaine.
-I'm down in virginia, hanging with a friend, we're probably on the verge of writing a drunk Kung fu movie script.
-This morning, Facebook helpfully suggests that "it's never too early to find the right midwife." Also that I might "like" Miley Cyrus or pursue an undergraduate degree at Boston University.
-I am so thankful that America is filled to the brim with idiots, otherwise my superiority complex would be like, way more difficult to justify.
-I have been officially divorced for 6 days and didn't know it. Onward and upward.
-An anteater walks into a bar and says that he'd like a drink.
"Okay," says the bartender. "How about a beer?"
"Noooooooooo," replies the anteater.
"Then how about a gin and tonic?"
Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, "Hey, listen buddy, if you don't mind me asking - why the long No's?"
-I received good news that I can't say anything about and am waiting on potentially good news I can't say anything about. I can't say anything about anything. So there you are. The zombie apocalypse can come any day now.
-When people write, "your dumb," maybe it's not a typo--they just mean stupidity belongs to you. "Here's your dumb, now leave."
-Sometimes, my bank asks me, as a security question, What is the name of your childhood best friend? And I answer, Darren. I have not spoken to Darren for about ten years or so. But I'm glad we're still "connected" in this small invisible way. I wonder, when asked the same question, if Darren's answer is Kevin.
-Without beer, human civilization wouldn't exist. Civilization exists so parents can drink wine.
-At my middle school visit today, I was explaining how one of my books was about Mexican drug cartels, and a bunch of 13 year olds jumped up and started screaming that I was a racist. So...that happened.
- IS COMFORTING TO ME THAT THE FUTURE HASN'T HAPPENED YET.