--EVERYONE'S WAITING FOR YOU TO BE FAMOUS, SO HURRY UP ALREADY


…Yesterday I wrote seven poems and two stories. I think they were good, but you never know.

…The story I wrote last week about the overweight bus driver named Tiny got accepted by NAP and will be in their May issue. Jesse Bradley even called me on the phone to let me know. That's pretty unusual, but a very nice touch.

…I tried watching Portlandia. I wanted to like it. I did not like it. It features several of my favorite actors, but the show tries too hard. It's like the weirdest Saturday Night Live sketch, but to the 10th power in oddity.

…Whitney Cummings is a very funny person. Her show, "Whitney" is not very funny, but her standup is hilarious. She's one tough lady and you'd have to have thick skin to be her boyfriend, but boy would you laugh a lot. She's also pretty coarse-- "Why do all testicles look like they're 150 years old? And now you guys are shaving them. Are you kidding me? The last thing they need is more exposure."

…I also watched Zack Galifinakis do standup for a special DVD he did. It was disappointing. I'm pretty sure he was bombed out of his mind. He knew his performance sucked, too, because he kept losing his train of thought and would interject, "Man, I suck!" But the audience would laugh anyway. Maybe the whole place was plastered.

…Lastly I saw Russell Brand's standup schtick. Russell is so damn hairy, like an Australian Jesus, and he has a very thick accent, but once you get used to him, he's endearing and charming and it's easy to see why he gets a lot of chicks.
Here's a sample: "Sympathy, when used correctly, can easily be turned into fellatio."

…I like these for the weekend:

"What a dangerous profession, to be dying for attention." Alana Noel Voth

"Never trust a naked bus driver." Woody Allen

"I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh
try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere
behind the morning." J.B. Priestlet