Friday, October 28, 2011
--YOU ARE ALWAYS RIGHT
…I have three new stories, “Hiccups,” “The Sin Jar,” and “The Veracity of Certain Demons” up at Petrichor Review and also here under “Words in Print.”
…Coincidentally, I have had the hiccups for two days now, off and on. It’s a little bit annoying.
…On my face, where they cut out the cancer, is a big red-black mark of blood and stitches. It looks like a crimson horse fly is stuck to the side of my nose. It’s not pretty. I am not pretty or handsome. I’m sorry, but that is the truth.
…The truth is that, today I feel a little bit lonely.
The sky is rippled with grey-sheeted clouds and the lake looks lacquered black. There are no birds. There’s very little light. My blinds are not drawn. I am here.
…There is something I have been trying to say to you all morning, but I took my last Vicodin and the pill has clogged my throat, sort of like the way a log catches sidelong at the narrow juncture of a river, creating a dam.
What I wanted to say was important. It was meaningful and all about you. If I knew Morse Code or could fan smoke signals I would share my message. Or if I knew sign language I could tell you what I wanted to tell you with my fingers and thumbs moving rapidly. Whenever I see couples speaking in sign language I sort of think it’s adorable. Don’t you? They are so completely wrapped up in their own universe. They are the definition of great listeners, and yes I know how ironic that sounds.
Have you ever wanted to be somebody else?
Have you ever wondered what your purpose was/is?
How many times in your life have you said, “I really like my life. I really like who I am.”
Last night I spoke to my dad and then I spoke to a brother and things did not go so well. Or maybe they did. Maybe that’s just how it goes.
But back to you and the things I wanted to say, the things about you and what you’re like and how special you are…
At some point today you should look into a mirror. Study your face. Find something new in it. It can be a blemish or new crease, a random whisker or too-long eye lash. Just discover something new.
Then, later on, you should sit down in a quiet space and do nothing for several minutes. Let’s say ten minutes. While you’re there, think about all the things you’re grateful for. Consider all the people you care about and who care about you. Maybe even say a prayer. Who cares if you don’t believe in God. Say a prayer anyway.
In the silence, in the spaces in between while you’re not praying or thinking, while you’re sort of dozing daydreaming, I’ll whisper in your ear. I’ll say the sweetest things you’ve ever heard and they will make you smile.