Wednesday, October 26, 2011
--I WOULDN'T BE HERE IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU
…I've got a new interview with Michelle Reale (who is a fantastic writer) and story, "Monster" up at Flash Fiction Chronicles. They're both here under "Monster" in "Words in Print."
…I have cancer. Skin cancer. It's the benign kind. It didn't seem like a very big deal to me until I went to the doctor's office yesterday, and while waiting to be operated on, they make you watch this video.
All of these people go on and on about having CANCER. They say it like that--in a large and scary kind of way. I arrived calm as a cucumber, but got very nervous very fast.
The only thing that happened, however, was they hacked up my face. First they shot up my cheek with needles until the liquid spewed out of my nostrils. (I know--"Gross!" but I'm all about full disclosure on this blog.)
Afterward my face was swollen on one side and I sort of looked like an old football you find in your garage that is partially deflated. I definitely am rocking a Phantom of the Opera look with this huge white bandage on the left side of my face.
Today I have a skin graft. This procedure is supposed to be worse that yesterday's Disney adventure. Yikes!
Then Thursday I get a crown for my back molar.
It's a loverly week. (Yes, that "r" was on purpose.) But, hey, don't cry for me, Argentina.
…I am listening to Radiohead, “Pablo Honey,” a really great album. I don’t get their newer stuff, but this album is The Shit.
…I just read today that 11 million Americans owe more than their property is worth. Isn’t that awful?
…Holy Hell it’s windy today. Cedar shaving keep getting slapped against my widows, the lake looks like a black, whipped cream cake and there’s not a bird in the sky. I think I just saw Dorothy and Toto fly by. Yikes.
…Did you see the Charlie Sheen Roast? It's likely you didn't. The thing aired the same night, same hour, on a different channel as the "Two and a Half Men" premier.
I don't know your feelings on Charlie. Most people detest him. Me, I'm a fan. I know he's a screw up, but he was really funny on that show and, well, Ashton is not as funny. Ashton really is just playing a version of the role he played on "That Seventies Show."
In any event, the roast was quite funny. I finally watched it on DVR the other day.
Here are the best bits:
--Charlie is the reason a dick with cocaine on it is called a “Sheenish.”
--Mike Tyson has beaten every opponent he’s gone up against except the letter “S.” So please be patient as he sounds out his jokes.
--Mike Tyson, here’s something you’ll never hear in your life: “Nice tattoo.” I mean, come on, you’ve got a tramp stamp on your face. I don’t know whether to be appalled or just finish on it.
--Charlie Sheen, you’ve convinced more women to have abortions than the prenatal test for Downs Syndrome.
--William Shatner, look at your skin. I can’t tell whether you’ve had a face lift or a vagina rejuvenation.
--William Shatner, I've seen men more bloated that were dragged out of a river.
--(from Mike Tyson) If you don't shut up, I'm gonna bite my own ears off.
--Is that Seth McFarland or Chaz Bono with guyliner?
--Charlie’s nostrils are so snotty and filled with cocaine that he calls them the Hilton Sisters.
--Charlie, if you’re "winning," you’re obviously not at a child custody hearing.
--Charlie’s meltdown was so epic that Al Gore is doing a documentary on it.
--There’s Brooke Mueller, Charlie’s ex. Brooke’s not very bright, unless Charlie’s throwing a lamp at her.