Tuesday, September 14, 2010

...I like golf. I don't know why. It doesn't make any sense. I can't golf for shit. I don't golf. I have golfed maybe 12 times in my life. My son says only old people like golf. I do not want to be old. I do not want to be old, even when I am old. My son says only white people like golf. He says Tiger Woods doesn't count. I am white. I am a white person who would like to be black. (I am serious about that--just ask my kids.) But, alas, it is too late for me to be black. If I believed in re-incarnation I might have another shot at being black. Maybe I'd be a black beetle tho. I wouldn't like that. That would suck. I'd be smelly and have to root around in the dirt and worry about being eaten or stepped on. I will just have to be content being white. And, besides, I don't believe in re-incarnation.

...Tonight is the premier of "Parenthood." The name sounds lame, like something in "Good Housekeeping" magazine. But, trust me (I first typed in "thrust me" by accident) it's a fab show. Doesn't matter if you're a parent or not, it's wonderful. I usually grin like an idiot the entire time I watch it. On ocassion the show will make me weep. Yes, I am white and I am male and I cry at poignant moments during television shows and at films.

...I got new music the other day. Music is one my eight things you can never have too much of. What I got was this:
--Kid Rock, "Rock and Roll Jesus" (it's really good. yes, it is. shut up. it's good. he sounds like AC/DC.)
--The old/first Drake ep. (i would like to hang with Drake. i just watched a documentary about him and he seems like a very cool guy. humble, too, which is rare for rappers.)
--New Goo Goo Dolls. (yes, they are still alive. so far, it's pretty good, but not up there with "iris.")
--Justin Beiber's first ep (don't be a hater. i am a big beebs fan. he's this generation's bobby sherman, david cassidy, shaun cassidy, andy gibb--there i just dated myself big time, and also re-confirmed my own whiteness.)
--New Arcade Fire ("the suburbs." great reviews were correct.)
--Carrie Underwood (she's got pipes and is so hot she could set off a few gas lines with a wink.)

...The VMA's were quite entertaining. I did not expect them to be. I actually think it was a better show than any Grammy's night. Taylor was a doll. Knaye's song rocked and I laughed at the chorus every time he sang. Beebs did a poor job of lip singing. I am a Gaga fan. Em laid it down strong. Chelsea Handler was on the cusp of being a total tramp. She gets away with it because she grins obliviously the whole time. Her favorite lines of mine:
--"Don't you just love Justin Beiber? That song, "Baby, Baby, Baby" is so catchy. I can't wait to find out how good his music will be once he finally sees a vagina."
--"Justin is really sweet, but there are some things that piss him off, like confusing him with a twenty-eight year old lesbian."

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