—ALL YOUR DICTION, DRIPPING WITH DISDAIN

 

…There’s so much to say about the catastrophic fires in California. I was watching the news where they showed a highway blackened and smoldering on both sides. Right down the center line a frightened fawn ran, tossing its head in every direction, confused and terrified. They kept showing the scene over and over until I had to turn it off. Such overwhelming heartbreak.

 

…Today is a dark day for some of us. 

 

…Some days I ask myself: Why believe anything at all?

 

…It’s always strange, not having anyone to root for.

 

…Most pessimists are never disappointed. Occasionally, though, they’re surprised.

 

…You’ve got to watch what you hitch your wagon to.

 

…I’ve got to stop reminiscing so much. What’s the good in that?

 

…I think I’m getting better at not holding grudges. How about you?

 

…In conversation over a deep topic recently, I off-handedly, without really thinking, said something to the effect of only having 30 more years left, and the other person, after laughing incredulously said, “Thirty?! Are you nuts?” 

 

…You never think it’s a chance you should take until you can no longer take it.

 

…You can only stare at the dancing trees for so long before you turn up the music.

 

…Are you tired of my dark things? I hope not, but if so, I’m sorry.

 

…I wrote four really good pieces in two hours and not one of them ended happily. Nope.

 

…“Ideas are like fish. If you want to catch little fish, you can stay in the shallow water. But if you want to catch the big fish, you’ve got to go deeper. Down deep, the fish are more powerful and more pure. They’re huge and abstract. And they’re very beautiful.”David Lynch

 

…I wrote a piece for a workshop and only one person understood what I intended. But that’s okay. At least there was one. Though it wasn’t the instructor.

 

…Do you just want to hear what you want to hear?

 

…“The old world is dying, and the new one struggles to be born; now is the time of monsters.” Antonio Gramsci, 1932

 

…The term “war crimes” seems kind of idiotic. I mean, isn’t war a crime all by itself?

 

…If the California fires don’t change anything, it’s likely nothing will.

 

…I’m reading this really laborious book about optimism. It’s kind of a slog and so far I have myself pegged somewhere uncomfortably in the middle.

 

…It’s still mindboggling to me that a country can just invade another country.

 

…Those dreams ain’t what they used to be.

 

…At this point, it’s a little too easy to just do nothing.

 

…Sometimes you have to wonder: Will I like this person as much if I’m sober?

 

…“There are few things I care about less than coffee. I have two big cups every morning: light and sweet, preferably in a cardboard cup. Any bodega will do. I don’t want to wait for my coffee. I don’t want some man-bun, Mumford and Son motherfucker to get it for me. I like good coffee but I don’t want to wait for it, and I don’t want it with the cast of Friends. It’s a beverage; it’s not a lifestyle.”  Anthony Bourdain

 

…You’re gonna need a waiver for that.

 

…I’m not as brave as I used to be, but I’m not as stupid. At least I don’t think I am. 

 

… The Quotes of Steven Wright:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?