—YES, JESUS LOVES ME

...That was Mom/Elaine's favorite hymn.

…It’s Friday, as I’m writing this, and I don’t need another reason to be sad right now.

 

…Like you, I’ve met a lot of amazing people in my life, some incredibly nice people, but my second mom was the kindest person of all of those. I called her Mother Theresa. She could have taught MT a number of things.

 

…I wonder what the Guinness Book of Records is for longest time spent crying, and I wonder if I now hold that record.

 

…“I paint flowers so that they don’t have to die.” Frida Kahlo

 

…Kids throw tantrums, sure, but most of the time they are what lights up everything, and what makes it worthwhile.

 

…If there’s ever any possible way you can live on, or very near water, I’d highly recommend it. God’s not making any more waterfront property, that’s for sure.

 

…We all want to be seen, and to be heard.

 

…If we have to, we have to.

 

…“A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.” Muhammad Ali

 

…We only see what we want to see.

 

…I can’t remember the last time I was silly, and I’m not proud of that fact.

 

…We will all get old, those of us that are lucky enough.

 

…Without occasional laughter, it would be very easy to explode.

 

…“Love is foolish, love is ridiculous, love is kind.”  Lorette C. Luzajic

 

…All we have is time, and that’s not a lot.

 

…Sometimes I can’t read the writing on the wall simply because I don’t want to. 

 

…“You could hunger for death the way you coveted an elusive lover.” Lorette C. Luzajic

 

…Sometime it feels really good to rip up a piece of paper, even if it’s the one you’ve written on, something you once thought might be worthwhile.

 

…I haven’t felt genuine anger in a long time, and so that’s good.

 

…When it gets dark here, it gets darkkk.

 

…As I was sobbing, my son came up and gave me a hug. I said, “I don’t know what to do,” and he said, “Keep writing,” so, I will.

 

…I usually flourish under sadness, but definitely not today.  

 

… You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica - age 8 

 

…I look at all those photos and I think, Man, where did the time go?

 

…“I knew that I was dying.

Something in me said,

Go ahead, die, sleep, become as them, accept.

Then something else in me said, no,

save the tiniest bit.

It needn't be much, just a spark.

A spark can set a whole forest on fire.

Just a spark.

Save it.”

-Charles Bukowski

 

…The one thing I’m really good at, is punishing myself.

 

…I’ve run out things to say to my family, and I guess it’s the same for them.

 

...“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” Toni Morrison

 

.…It’s funny the things you remember so clearly, and those you don’t at all.

 

…“Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.” Cormac McCarthy

 

…This is the biggest toast ever.

 

…I never cut myself because I never thought of it. If I had, I’d be a Thanksgiving ham, fileted like flank steak.

 

…God, I’ve got to stop being so emotional. And the thing is it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t make a difference.

 

…“Everyone disappears, no matter who loves them.” Dave Eggers 

 

…I’m just struggling through this, and I’m so sorry you’re having to tag along.

 

…If there’s another word for “Love”, can you explain it to me? 

 

…My eulogy for Mom…

 

It’s pretty extraordinary to meet an actual angel here on earth. But I did. And if you’re here, listening to this, you did, too. And aren’t we all so very lucky?

Mom was an angel and a saint, plain and simple, and there really are no adequate superlatives to describe Elaine Delores Mason Dunbar, though I’ll try.

She personified grace and mercy and took the notion of kindness to a whole other dimension. “If Jesus forgave,” she had to have thought, “Well then, I can, too.” She forgave us all, and some of us, many times when we weren’t exactly deserving.

I called her Mother Theresa, but Mother Theresa could have learned a whole host of things from Mom. I’m certain those two great matriarchs are talking things over right now, upstairs in the big room, flocked by angels, with a couple of cats purring on Mom’s lap.

She could call you out on your bad stuff and make it impossible not to want to change your ways. She made us better, made us want to be better for her. She was subtle yet direct, wiser than Plato, Buddha or the Dali Lama. 

The main rule of good writing is “Show, don’t tell.” It’s a more powerful form of story-telling. Telling might be, “He was angry.” Showing would be, “When he slammed the door it rattled, nearly coming off its hinges, as sweat flicked from his brow to mine.” Mom did a lot of “showing,” with the example she set—her steady and calm demeanor, her keen ability to listen acutely, the ways she demonstrated love for her family and husband, and the sheer strength of her faith. She showed us what it means to live a full, robust life. She showed us how to handle life’s obstacles. With one of the world’s most beautiful smiles, she taught us how to treat, and love, one another.

She was the mother I never had, and the kindest person I’ve ever known. In a word, she was remarkable. In a word, she was love.   

 

—Len