—I’M KEEPING IT CLOSE TO THE SURFACE BUT THAT’S NOT REALLY MAKING IT HURT LESS

 

 

 

OPEN WATER  /  Caleb Azumah Nelson

 

 

 

You were waiting for something you didn’t know you needed.

 

Loosen up, she says, and your hips break like the language.

 

You’re far away, she says. Don’t hide from me.

 

To be you is to apologize, and often the apology comes in the form of suppression.

 

Sometimes this is all you can have. Sometimes, faith is enough.

 

It’s one thing to be looked at, and another to be seen. And seeing people is no small task.

 

Some days, the anger makes you feel ugly and undeserving of love and deserving of all that comes to you.

 

You want to tell her there are some things you won’t heal from. You want to tell her that in trying to be honest here, you dug until shovel met bone, and you kept going. 

 

Death is not always physical, and crying is not always an expression of pain.

 

You told her not to look at you because when your gazes meet you cannot help but be honest. 

 

Sometimes, you cry in the dark.

 

There should be no shame in openly saying, “I want this.”

 

What is better than believing you are headed towards love?

 

You don’t have music, but you do have your way of seeing her.

 

There’s so much more you wish to say but there aren’t the words.