Thursday, June 28, 2012


…I don’t know why, but I often sabotage my own life.

It must mean I don’t want to be too happy or have that much success.  Maybe I think I don’t deserve them.  I think that’s part of it, sure.  Maybe I get into these ruts where those feelings are accentuated, like having your internal organs sunburned.

It’s two weeks until the Pacific Northwest Writers Conference.  I’ll be meeting some agents.  If my story wins or places second, I’ll be having a private dinner with other agents.  So you’d like I’d be working a lot harder on my unfinished novel, the one that is infinitely more saleable than “House of Rats.”  You’d think I’d be slaving away, have it finished and already proofed a least once.  That’s what most people in my position would do.

Instead, I have written on it in a couple of months.  At least that long.  It’s like college and the night before a final and the cramming and No-Doz begins.  That’s what this is like.

I certainly don’t feel sorry for myself.  I’m actually a little annoyed with myself?  Does that ever happen to you?

I’ve been waiting for inspiration to strike.  That’s a poor way to be a productive writer.  I know that.  Writing is like any other job in that you have to show up and do that job even if you don’t feel like it.

I made another mistake of leaving the novel after a crucial scene and not exactly knowing what’s going to happen next.  That was dumb.

But I’m going back to Caleb and Chloe and her dead/drowned twin Claire.  I’m going back there and I’ll figure it out.

Thanks for letting me rant.  I needed that.

…Here are some things for you:

 "We must find time to stop and thank the people who have made a difference in our lives." Dan Zadra

"Why do poets think they can change the world?  The only life I can save is my own." Sherman Alexie

"If successful people have one common trait, it's an utter lack of cynicism. The world owes them nothing. They go out and find what they need without asking for permission; they're driven, talented, and work through negatives by focusing on the positives." Mike Zimmerman

"I have never been a millionaire, but I have enjoyed a great meal, a crackling fire, a glorious sunset, a walk with a friend, a hug from a child, a cup of soup, a kiss behind the ear. There are plenty of life's tiny delights for all of us." Jack Anthony

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