Saturday, August 6, 2011


I am making up things to tell you. That’s what fiction is. Poetry, too I guess. “Lies” is a harsh-sounding word. “Make believe” and "pretend" sounds like something a child would say.
If I made up something that ended up being true, would you tell me? Would you think I’m psychic, clairvoyant? Would you be impressed?
I bet not. You’re selective and judicious. You’re easy on the eyes but you know how to drive a hard bargain.
Here’s something that’s different: my blood has turned black.
Yep, it has.
I’m not kidding.
I cut myself by accident yesterday. It was one of those burning paper cuts. After a few seconds, ink oozed out. I thought I was passing out again or hallucinating or else turning into a black and white television set.
But it was really black. My blood was.
Another thing that’s new is I’ve been gaining weight. I’ve muscled up. If I flexed right now I’d probably rip holes in my shirt, right whe my massive biceps lurk. I am thinking of changing my name to Diesel. Len Diesel.
Oh, and I shaved my head and got my teeth whitened. Now the moon and I have contests to see which of us can glow the brightest at night. So far it’s a dead heat and we’re tied at 2 to 2.
The other evening, for something to do, because I was bored and restless and feeling naughty and reckless, I jumped off the roof of my house.
Actually, I took a running leap.
It was a thrill, let me tell you, because I’m afraid of heights. But I didn’t fall. Nope. I flew. I soared past Pete the Eagle and I even passed a Boeing 747. I went to Asia and Mauritius. I just checked out the lay of the land. Then I flew home. What a blast!
The last thing I’ll say is this: I am doing great. I’m better than okay. I am peachy keen. My complexion has color in it. I am no longer pale or dull. It doesn’t matter that the sun refuses to play, I no longer look like a cadaver. I rather resemble a field laborer with my tan dermis. It helps show off my new teeth.
So that’s all the news from this neck of the woods. If I decide to go flying again tonight, I’ll buzz by your house. I won’t wake you, but I’ll write you a note and stick it in your mailbox. It will be the envelope with the word “HELLO!” on it.

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