Friday, July 29, 2011
--I THINK I’VE BEEN THINKING TOO MUCH LATELY
Yesterday I got my 500th acceptance and today I got my 501st story/poem accepted. That’s since May of ’09. It’s a little daunting. I feel sort of, I don’t know really, floaty and unsure.
Originally back in ’09 the idea was to see if I could get 20 stories published to sort of buffer my credentials in hopes of proving to an agent that I could write that I took the craft seriously.
It got addictive, the short writing and submitting.
Maybe it’s because I need to be validated as a writer.
I am a writer, aren’t’ I? It still comes out sort of soft and chunky when people ask what I do and I say, “I’m a writer.”
Does that make any sense to you?
So 500 was my goal for the end of 2011.
I have other goals I will hit and some that will take a minor miracle to hit.
I’m fine with missing a few targets. I’m trying not to be so uptight. I’m also trying to spend more time with my kids.
…Yesterday my son and I saw “A Little Help” starring Jenna Fischer from “The Office.”
She was spectacular and the film was wonderful.
Aside from my son and I, there were a whopping total of seven other people in the theater. This, while “Transformers” was sold out. What’s wrong with people? I’m not even sure how little Indy films make it. I’m not elitist. I get that there are all kinds of people with all kinds of varied tastes. I get that. It’s just sad and frustrating to see good art get ignored.
…I have been thinking about mortality lately, namely my own mortality.
Do you ever do that?
I never have. I think I’ve always been too afraid.
But I’ve let myself think about dying.
It’s still scary to me, if I’m being honest. I don’t know how people can say they’re not afraid of death. Maybe I’m just that much weaker.
I’ve been wondering about my legacy. Now that I’m not in the corporate world anymore, I feel as if I’m a different person, removed from all that machination.
I’m part of the writing world. I have a little presence, but I don’t really know that many people.
I know some virtually.
I don’t know. I know about my legacy.
What does 500 mean? What does 501 mean, or a 1,000 or a novel sitting on the desk that’s gone unpublished.
What does it all mean and who can explain it to me?