Monday, April 25, 2011
--THIS SILENCE IS ALL MINE, BUT IT'S AN AWFULLY HEAVY WEIGHT TO LUG AROUND
…How do you feel this morning?
I feel flexible, fluid, gluey, as if I'm on the defense, waiting for something to happen. Expectant. Not necessarily anxious. But if there’s another shoe that’s going to drop, I wish it would hurry up and fall pretty soon. I’ve got things to do.
…A while back, I wrote a story about a guy who turns himself into a rubber band. The piece was called "Friends and Relatives of Rubber" and it was published in Metazen before I became an editor there. This morning I'm wondering if I should write a sequel to it. Maybe I should write a novel about this guy who turns himself into rubber so as not to be a nuisance to others.
What do you think?
…There are a shit ton of law enforcement dudes here at the Snoho Starbucks. Really. A shit ton. At one table are a gaggle of State Troopers. Two tables away are a group of Sheriffs. They all have leather belts with weapons hooked on them. The State Patrol have blue short-sleeve shirts with sharp creases. The Sheriffs have dust-colored, long-sleeve shirts with epaulettes and regal-looking patches that they may or may not have borrowed from Michael Jackson's wardrobe.
Why we need so many police-types in such a small town is a wonder, especially since these guys are fairly portly and seem to spend a lot of time here dining while lamenting about Charlie Sheen.
…I'm starting to think I'm a moody person. I suppose we all are, if we were to be honest. Circumstances or certain situations can take us to emotional states, as can music or movies, really great television, photography, theater, fiction or poetry…
I am in a mood this morning. My mood's color is akin to one of the sunsets I get to see most nights: pink-charcoal with notes of periwinkle.
My mood says, “Be dark today.”
Another section of my mood says, “Hey, relax a little. Look how grand things are! You should count your blessings.”
I don't really like the expression, "Count your blessings." I mean I get it--be grateful--but the phrase itself is so old-fashioned, kind of King James-ish.
The truth is, despite my grumblings, I really am a lucky guy.
…Last night was a continuation of my son’s education about all things artistic. Thus we had a viewing of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." I'd not seen it in a couple of decades. What an outstanding film. It simply slays, and rivals work by either Tarantino or Copolla. Truly. Any number of the movie’s actors gave Oscar-worthy performances. You should watch it again and see for yourself.
…I really like "The Head and the Heart." Their single, "Lost in my Mind" is so settled and lovely. If you have ear buds and can play it loud, it's really good. If you can't do that, you won't get the full punch and it'll sound sort of "eh."
Here's the start of the song:
"Put your dreams away for now,
I won't see you for some time.
I get lost in my mind. I get lost in my mind.
Momma once told me, 'You're already home if you feel love'."
That's good advice, but it doesn't always feel that way.
Whenever I hear Dylan, I feel lucky to be alive.
"If you want to keep your memories, you first have to live them."-- Bob Dylan
"Don't hold too tight; allow it to come out how it needs to rather than trying to control it.
Let go of everything when you write. It won't begin smoothly. Allow yourself to be awkward. You are stripping yourself. You are exposing your life, not how your ego would like to see you represented, but how you are as a human being. And it is because of this that I think writing is religious. It splits you open and softens your heart toward the homely world." -- Natalie Goldberg, from "Writing Down The Bones."