Sunday, February 13, 2011


…I am competitive. I think I've always been that way. Mostly, it's an outgrowth of my massive insecurities. Insecure people think they are always behind, that they are the underdogs in a film no one will see, a movie not produced by Pixar or funded by Disney. I am competitive, but I want my friends to win and I want people I like to have much success.
I just read xTx's blog. Then I read Roxane Gay's. You should probably not bother reading mine and just hop on over to theirs. I bow down to them. I cannot compete. Oh, sure, I know we are not competing, but it's a Wayne's World I-am-not-worthy type of feeling that thumps me on the head when I read their stuff, even their rants and diatribes (that might be a good title, "Rants and Diatribes.")
I love both of those ladies. I do not know them exceedingly well, and we just met in person a week ago, but I am fans of theirs. A big fan. As should you be.

…I got my 320th acceptance today since first submitting in May of '09. It's still a rush. I really feel lucky to have found a place where I can put my writing out there and have people like it. Remember, I'm insecure. (I actually think all writers are.) But I am getting a little burnt out by the submission process and I write so much that there aren't enough places to send things to without feeling like you're being greedy or overbearing. I need to work on the novels anyway. Starting the 15th, that's what I'll do.

…"Round Here," by Counting Crows is such a good song. "August and Everything Else After" is so vivid and tactile that I often get depressed listening to it and half way through I'll have to turn it off. The words and meanings slice through my pores like light and swim in my blood stream like sad toxins, messing with my endorphins. Adam Duritz would be fun to have a beer with. He's been open about his mental illness. I think that shows a lot of strength. I am not so strong. I couldn't let everyone know about all my therapy and time in an asylum. I'm not that brave. That's Adam's photo up top and it's a really, really flattering pic, trust me if you've never seen him. Adam gets a lot of chicks--Jennifer Anniston, Courtney Cox, Emmy Rossum, Amber Tamblin. No, really, he dated them. Just shows you the power of a great lyric/lyricist

…Today was partly irritating. One of my least favorite things--even worse for me than a jail term--is watching bad cinema. We saw "Just Go With It." Do not see it. Do not even let your irises rest for one second on a movie poster of that film and, should an ad come on during your favorite TV show, TURN THE SOUND OFF AND LOOK AWAY. I wanted to eat someone's broken window and bleed to death right there in the last row of the theater. How do they do it? How do people make such horrendous fodder and release it into the world? Brooklyn Decker, is okay, firehouse-smoking hot, but she acts as well as an armadillo. Jennifer Anniston is cute, right? She's a former Sexiest Woman Alive winner. But in this you want to feed her to the woodchipper, head-first so you don't have to hear her. The movie's jokes, the plot, the acting, the everything, was very, very bad. I've seen Adam Sandler act. He can act. But he should be ashamed.

…I read "Alien Autopsy" by Pedro Ponce. Each story was less than 300 words. He's a good writer, clever. I'd never heard of him until AWP. I'm reading Meg Pokrass's collection, "Damn, Sure Right." She's so brilliant. You should read it, too. I'm parceling the stories out, holding onto them so as not to run out of her words too quickly.

…My pastor said this today, and I think he's right on the mark: "Misery is usually self made." Jeff Knight


  1. You are funny len. i know what you are saying though, about the competition thing. i joke with mel about it all the time. it's good fuel, and good fun, if anything. also, if you care to note, you've probably had triple the publications i've had so, there's that.

    also, i've had a sort of 'history' with adam and the band Counting Crows. Suffice it to say, i've done a shot with him, shared a sandwich, hug, kiss and rubbed his knee. we can talk about it more next awp. long story. xo

  2. x, you've done a shot with adam? see, that's exactly what i was talking about. i really am not worthy. no, not at all. and awp is so far in the future that the second coming will arrive first.

    we should talk sometime. i'm a really good listener, but then, i'm pretty sure you are also, which means we would end up waiting for each other to speak and the phone call would just be white air time and we would be re-enacting someone's awkward prom date--likely our own--but the brutal truth of the awkward air between us would also be confirmation of our innate cuteness.

    i can be a shy squirrel. but i will try. let me know.

    thanks for reading. you are remarkable and better damn well know it.