—DON’T TOUCH YOUR PHONE RIGHT NOW, EVEN IF IT FEELS LIKE YOU SHOULD

  

…While we’re on the subject, could we change the subject now?

 

…“Never was there a time when the existence of the poet was more menaced than today. The American species, indeed, is in danger of being extinguished altogether. What we obviously lack in this county, what we are not even aware that we lack, is the dreamer, the inspired madman, the lone individual, the only true rebel in a rotten society.” Henry Miller

 

…Who knew Sam Elliott would show up this week, brandishing gifts, no less?

 

…I know the cure for most things is to not care too much, but---while I’m no Mother Theresa by a long shot—that’s hard for me to do.

 

…Sometimes it feels like God’s just letting these things happen, which doesn’t do a lot to bolster my faith.

 

…It’s not all just going to go away in day. Not like, Poof!  That’s what I tell myself anyway.

 

…There’s more than one way that a thing can be true.

 

…Help me out here—I’ve been losing things lately, and apparently duplicating them at the same time.

 

…Why do I still stick around? I don’t know. I guess, some things are worth it.

 

…The problem is we get to choose.

 

…I don’t care whose fault it is. After all, what does it matter whose fault it is? 

 

…Nothing ever went as we planned. But here were are, now.

 

…I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I know what I’m not going to do.

 

…What is wrong with this fucking lunatic?

https://ew.com/donald-trump-trolls-taylor-swift-during-wedding-12012170?hid=67047e0035f87a8f461668b09298ab9ecee4a0fc&did=24515322-20260705&utm_campaign=ewk_relationship-builder&utm_source=ewk&utm_medium=email&utm_content=070526&lctg=67047e0035f87a8f461668b09298ab9ecee4a0fc&lr_input=53ec56adb86cd4ea3ef0e0cd3320199c27188c1201a7ee9d4299c7d2f991d964&utm_term=news-alert

 

 …RETURN TO SENDER is nothing you ever want to see.

 

--That’s a good line.

--Stop saying, ‘That’s a good line.’

--But it sounds like a good one.

--Every line sounds like a good line, if you want it to be.

--Yep. Now you finally get the point.

 

…I guess the point is you really have to annunciate.

 

…For instance, a lot of times when I talk to her, Suri thinks I’m saying Sumi, and therefore many of the questions in my life go unanswered. 

 

…I forgot I left that turned on.

 

…It’s not like I’m just making this shit up.

 

…“The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth.” Jean Cocteau

 

…This chair doesn’t work properly anymore. It just wants me to keep sitting in it, bad back and all.

 

…But anyway, it’s America, so you can always go to Carl’s Jr., eat a 3,000-calorie burger, plus fries and a shake, or buy a gun at Walmart. How is this not a great country?

 

…I really don’t like to be beholden to anyone, but it always depends on who that anyone is.

 

…This is a small town, where no one lives more than fifteen minutes away from anyone. Hard to believe you’ve only been fifteen minutes away this whole time.

 

…"When things aren't going your way, there isn't just one way to win.” Argentina soccer coach, Lionel Scaloni

 

…I wonder if they have compression socks for your head.

 

…I was looking for my best friend, and there you were.

 

…Seems like the only time I don’t cut things short is here, on Fridays, when I really should.

 

…(But have you noticed I haven’t apologized so much?)

 

…I think I know most of my friends better than my friends know themselves.

 

…Who spends that much time writing about a girl who falls in love with a dung beetle? Oh, yeah.

 

…“I’m not sure about this piece,” is usually code for I’m pretty sure this sucks, and I’m sorry I’m asking you to read it because I’m pretty sure you and I both know it sucks, but will you please be honest?

I always hate sending something like that, but you never know if it’s salvageable or not until you get a smart set of eyes on it.

 

…I think I need a trash compactor. Like really bad because garbage day is coming up and things are overflowing.

 

…Some things run into other things, and no one can stop that from happening.

 

…There are a million ways this fucking guy is ruining the country, and the world—from accelerating climate change to literally killing hundreds of thousands of people in Africa by eliminating USAD—but there are also all these unannounced, papercut ways he’s hijacking the America some of us celebrated last week, one of which is: 

The 'white genocide' myth is shaping immigration policy

JUNE 26, 2026, NPR

 

Since October 2025, the U.S. has admitted more than 6,000 refugees — and all but three are white South Africans. The Trump administration says Afrikaners are fleeing a "genocide." They're not.

 

…This is the biggest fucking tool, with the biggest ego a human’s ever had—

    “They said, ‘We love you , sir, we love you.’ These are grown people saying that. Isn’t that nice?” Trump told reporters after the first day of NATO meetings. “Maybe, I don’t know, maybe they’re trying to get to me, and in a way they did, because there was tremendous unity in that room.”

 

…Fuck that stupid fucking guy.

 

…It’s hard to root against your country, but sometimes it’s harder to root for them.

 

…I don’t want to be a person who doesn’t give a shit, even if I can’t do anything about it.

 

…Hey, but did you see the Mariners are still in first, somehow?

 

…“Is it too late for ‘Sunny?’”

 

…If you can write humor well, you’re one lucky fuck.

 

…“All I do is joke, so when I become serious, I think it’s a bit arresting for people.” Jack Antonoff

 

…Sometimes the last thing you’re trying to do is be a dick, and yet you still end up one, a dick. 

 

…I have to remind myself, time and time again (cliché), that I already have that sweater or that shoe or that jacket in the same color, so what am I doing adding it into my cart?

 

…I get the news delivered every day, in various formats, but you know what’s not news yet?  IMOMNB.

 

…I’d try therapy again if it’d worked the first, or second, or third time.

 

…My first therapist used to fall asleep while I was talking, and yeah, I know I have a soft-speaking voice, but still? 

One time, I decided to just stop talking and see how long he’d nod off. It was maybe only a couple of minutes, but of course, it felt like half an hour to me, just sitting there. 

Eventually, he jolted awake and said, “So, how did it make you feel?” 

I stopped going after that.

 

…My second therapist was maybe my emotional doppelganger, but he scared the piss out of me. He and I had had mirrored lives in many ways, which was a relief to know I wasn’t the only one that fucked up. But one day, he just said, “Sounds like things are good,” and sort of clapped his hands, We’re done now, though we weren’t. 

 

…(Time to stand!)

 

…My third therapist was a kid trying to grow his first moustache, and he never gave me any feedback, so much so that I felt I had to come prepared with topics, even after all the horrible stuff I’d spilled to him during our first session. Like, I used to bring poems I’d written about my childhood, my brothers, my mother and such, and I’d read them aloud to him, and he’d say, “Wow, that’s good, I can see why you’re a writer,” but he’d never say anything else. Like nothing beyond that.

 

…I know therapy works, and it’s extremely important, but it’s sucked for me.

 

…I don’t expect you to get it, or anything else I say here, unless you’ve walked that street before. 

 

…I get PEOPLE every week, though I never subscribed. (I think they subbed it for some other magazine that folded. Something like that.) But, yeah, I get it delivered in the mail, PEOPLE, each week, and I look at it, and of all the celebrities they show, I know less than fifty percent. Back when I worked at N, I’d know everyone.

Toward the end of the mag, they profile some famous person and ask a few questions. Usually one of those questions is—When’s the last time you danced?

I’m not famous, but I danced on the treadmill this morning, sort of, and I also sort of danced after peeing, alone in my upstairs bathroom.

So, there’s that.

 

…Again: “Do you think I tell you too much?”

 

…“Even if it’s messy, I bet there’s still a lot of people who read your blog, because you have something to say.” (That’s one of the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me.)

 

…Did you know I’d go to sleep and leave the lights on?

 

…I think I might need a mulligan.

 

…You can work out regularly and consume all the necessary protein, but if you’re not careful, it’s the sugar that will ruin everything.

 

…Maybe I’m the only one here who doesn’t give a flying fuck what Prince Harry or Megan Markle do.

 

…Sometimes you just can’t sleep, even when sleep is the thing you need the most.

 

… In a statement, singer Brittany Howard said the new Alabama Shakes album “I Must Be Dreaming” title “has a double meaning to it. It could be saying, ‘I must be dreaming, because the world is so fucking crazy right now.’ But it could also mean, ‘I must be dreaming, because the world is so incredibly beautiful.’ Both those things can be true at once.” -- Pitchfork

 

--Who is that guy? 

--I haven’t seen him around here in ages.

--Wasn’t that the guy everyone talked about?

--I don’t know. I haven’t seen him around here in ages.

 

…I’ll be better in a couple of hours. Or I’ll be in a casket.

 

…Give me a rubber band please. It’s the only tool I know how to use well.

 

…You can make anything sound better with the right word. Even the word elastic.

 

…Here’s what I keep hearing, a voice inside my skull saying: Stand up for something, you Prick.

 

....Here's the poem (above) that won't "paste" for some reason, written out...and worth it.

The Committee Weighs In

        Andra Cohen

I tell my mother 

I've won the Nobel Prize. 

Again? she says. Which 

discipline this time? 

It's a little game 

we play: I pretend 

I'm somebody, she 

pretends she isn't dead.

…There’s a lot to be said for platitudes.

 

…Each person I tell that I watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” snidely chuckles in their lap. But the joke’s on them. It’s honestly the funniest show I’ve ever watched. I mean, like, EVER. I’ll laugh “uproariously” for 20 minutes straight every time, sometimes spitting at the screen without meaning to. 

It feels really good to laugh. Especially now.

Don’t be a Dumb Ass--watch Raymond. I guarantee you’ll be glad you did.

 

…A smarter guy than me would end things about now.