—I’D BETTER GET MY SHIT TOGETHER

 

 

…When someone asks you to listen, it’s probably already too late, but you should still try.

 

…Make room. I think that’s what we’re meant to do, why we’re here.

 

…You can only spill on yourself so much.

 

…It might be your favorite, but that doesn’t guarantee anyone else is going to like it. 

 

…Help me out—what am I looking at here?

 

…With people before, they left like a falling floor.

 

--Do you even know what today is?

--No. What?

--A good day to take a nap.

 

…I find that I swear a lot more than I used to, and I also find that I enjoy, and am interested in, other people who swear a lot, way more than I’m interested in people who never swear at all.

 

…Here’s a good place to stop—it’s called Yesterday.

 

…I was looking at the moon this morning and it was looking right back at me.

 

…Do I wear hats?

 

…The thing is, you have to trust somebody eventually.

 

…“No Way Out” was a really underrated film. In my head it was.

 

…You’re a much better actor than me.

 

…Me wearing a pink jacket with epaulets? All that would be is, me asking to get the shit kicked out of me. 

 

--I wish the draft was already over.

--But it’s only Friday.

--I know. What do you not understand here?

 

…Careful now, don’t get caught in your dreams.

 

…It can mean whatever you want it to mean. Don’t overthink it, unless you want to, for some reason.

 

…After I’m gone, someone’s going to log onto this computer, type in Don’t Bother Knocking (19), and they’re going to say, “Holy Shit! Look at all this blather. Why is it just sitting here, in a file, that no one will ever see? Maybe we should light a match.” 

 

…Like ants in a box with nowhere to run.

 

…Wow, things looked a lot different then. If only I’d known how much.

 

…Fucking M’s.

 

...The math doesn’t seem to quite work. 

 

…I’m a lot happier than I seem. Trust me.

 

…It’s a gift beyond measure—having a child—but there’s a lot of pressure that comes with that. 

 

…It doesn’t take much to make me restless, unsettled and wondering what I’m doing here.

 

…Sometimes I think—All I have to do here is, show up. How hard can that be? But it can be awfully hard sometimes. 

 

…I’m trying to get steady, and I think you are, too.

 

…(…)

 

…See what I mean?

 

…When you talk about overthinking things, consider line breaks—those will mess with you for days if you let them.

 

…Fuck that guy. I hate him so much. I can’t even articulate how much I hate him.

 

…I knew the day would come, sooner or later, where you’d slip and let go. I just didn’t expect it to be today. 

 

...There are always two sides to a coin.

 

…In the end, doesn’t everyone just want to think that they were a good person?

 

…Don’t crucify me, but I think (and I stand by this) that a foot massage, if it’s well done, is better than any sex you could ever have.  

 

...Sometimes when I’m crying, for no conceivable reason, I think to myself: What the hell are you doing right now? Why is this such a fuss for you when it would never ever be a fuss for any other person on the planet?

 

…If it works, you look like a genius, and if it doesn’t, well you at least tried.

 

…I’m not sure how I still have a belly, but it’s right here, staring up at me now like some sea creature in a B movie no one remembers.

 

…I could see a deer three times a day for the rest of my life and I’d never not be in a state of awe when I see one.

 

…This can’t all just be a convenient accident. There’s no way. That’s impossible.

 

…I was out prayin’ for you, that’s why my friends pray for me.

 

…“Punk used to be all about yelling and making a big noise, but now the resistance is kindness and empathy” David Byrne, The Talking Heads

 

…No mas. Okay, sure. We’ll see how that works out.

 

…What if there was no such thing as Christianity? What then?

 

…I think I’m ready for you now, if you’re ready for me.

 

…I was thinking about taking today off, but then I remembered there were still people who love me.

 

…It doesn’t matter what you think if you don’t show up.

 

…“Who the fuck has time for gestures?” The Bear

 

…I’m a writer, but then no one’s perfect.

 

…If I just keep drinking this coffee, well then maybe…

 

…Say a prayer for me Saturday morning. Say a prayer for me any morning, if you happen to have a spare five seconds. I would feel lucky and happy to have anyone pray for me.

 

…I sure push Save a lot.

 

…Who knew Ed Sullivan would become my third biggest hero, right behind Jesus and Volodymyr Zelenskyy?

 

…I remember vividly when I was having lunch with one of my best friends, and I said, “I think you’d really like ____ K, and I think you’d probably become best friends if you got to know him,” and my best friend said, “I don’t have time for any more friends.” It seemed incredibly crass and ridiculous at the time, but now it seems kind of profound.

 

…Just because no one told you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know. 

 

…People who can make you laugh, like belly-gut laugh to the point you’re in tears, are really precious.

 

…I was probably the only person on the planet missing David Cassidy yesterday, and that saddens me.

…Scares me to death, cause I want this.

 

…When my watch buzzes now, it’s a little like a dog running into an electrical fence.

 

…I can call you, Betty, and Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al…

 

…You know what’s not a good look? America.

 

…People think I’m bitching, but I’m really just paying attention.

 

…I think there’s an app for that.

 

…But there’s not one to keep Stevie Nicks from barking all day.

 

…Something no one’s ever going to say about me—That guy really knew his way around a truck. Or—You’d be hard-pressed to find a man who loved hunting and killing defenseless animals more than him. Or—That guy lived his life worry-free.

 

…If I had better words, I’d use them.

 

…If I wasn’t this sensitive, I wouldn’t be so sensitive.

 

…I found a little golf ball in my yard the other day while I was out picking berries. It made me smile for a long time. There’s only one other person on the entire planet who understands why that was, and that makes me smile, too. 

 

…The things that I don’t know could fill a million fucking houses. 

 

…I think one of the worst things that can happen to you on a train, or a long plane flight—other than dying—is running out of books to read, so I’m packing.

 

…It’s Friday for somebody, somewhere.

 

…Well, tomorrow’s going to be interesting. See You Next…Monday.