—I WANNA NEW DRUG

  

…Good morning, Midnight. Goodbye, Thursday, thank God.

 

…Well, it’s been a whole week and I somehow survived yet another Draft Day. That’s Sunday Lease above, an incredibly sweet woman who recently suffered a stroke. Her husband, Mike, began the fantasy league almost 50 years ago and sadly, he passed away seven years prior. We’re all still soldiering on, if that’s what you call it, on his behalf.

 

…Actually, how patient am I supposed to be?

 

…“One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.” I sure hope that’s true.

 

…The good news is I never have to buy another piece of clothing as long as I live.

 

…This time feels like forever.

 

...It feels better feeling lighter.

 

…I’m not sure why I care more about a 70-calorie pudding versus a 120-calorie pudding, yet I do.

 

…Everything feels like a contest that I’m not participating in.

 

...24 hours in a day. No more. No less. Or so I’ve been told.

 

…It’s pretty incredible, remarkable really, to have a friend like that, after all this time. And damn, I do feel lucky.

 

…There’s something to be said for those who expect nothing yet seem somehow happier than the rest of us.

 

…It’s a luxury and a sin to waste time, yet I do it all the time.

 

…If someone close to you makes you second-guess yourself every time, well, maybe that’s an answer you haven’t been looking for or can’t see.

 

…When you get an email with the subject line reading “Epic Fail,” well, you pay close attention and maybe even say a prayer or two.

 

…“The Smiths” are like that friend you care about but aren’t sure if you want to take it further. 

 

…Everybody’s misunderstood by somebody else, but you took it to another level.

 

…“Fall Risk” would actually make a good band name.

 

…In my heart there’s a holy ghost writhing on the floor from an overdose.  

 

…The times I should have known better are endless.

 

…“There’s millions of people who say how I should be.”

 

…I guess I didn’t want to hear what I didn’t want to hear.

 

…What do six books mean? I’m so grateful, but that’s what I’m trying to figure out.

 

…Apparently there is nothing new under the sun.

 

…If I could eavesdrop on everyone without them knowing it, I surely would, though I don’t think I’d want to hear smack-talk about myself. I know it happens, but it might change how I feel about someone who’s supposed to be close to me, have my back.

 

…Starting from scratch sounds pretty simple, but it’s anything but that.

 

…Maybe I was trying to make you think, or else make myself think.

 

…“Nice guys finish last.” I’m afraid that may be all but true. 

 

…“I wanted to remember what I could bear to remember and convince myself it was all there.” Sarah Manguso

 

…“I want to live forever, and watch you dancing in the air…”

 

…I wonder what other people need, and if it’s enough.

 

…I could be a voyeur my whole life and be happy. I’m just so curious about other people’s lives.

 

…Too much of everything is a privileged and strange problem to have, but it’s a problem nonetheless.

 

…When someone says they don’t care is why you should pull up your trousers and pay better attention.

 

…“Who cares?” Isn’t that it? But maybe it’s not.

 

…Therapy is there for a reason.

 

...If you can’t tell your therapist, there’s your issue.

 

…I hope I’m enough, and you agree.

 

…You figure so much stuff out by yourself, it’s no wonder you don’t think you can’t make sense of it all that way.

 

…And the lies and make-believe, the very things that one day leave.

 

…“What’s a best friend?” That’s something I’ve asked myself a lot lately.

 

…What hurts, what’s frustrating and confusing, is when you don’t know the best way to help.

 

…A guy who shoots a deer dead for sport—I don’t think I can look at that guy without a boatload of judgment on my behalf.

 

…Did I mention that deer are my second favorite animal? 

 

…If you listen, but never hold on, what’s the point?

 

…Strike one and strike two, I guess we’re both out.

 

…I wish I knew the guy that had 250 pieces published in one year a long time ago. I think we might have some things to talk about.

 

…I think I could be good at that, if you’d just show me what it means and what you want.

 

…“Why won’t you give up this imaginary problem?... Sarah Manguso

 

…Maybe it’s better this way for us.

 

…It’s not as easy as people think.

 

…Honesty is easier said than done.

 

…If we put it all into context, no one would believe it.

 

…Sometimes it’s an impossible choice.

 

…Just being honest doesn’t always get you into the club.

 

...That was a pretty steady beat, but you didn’t even notice.

 

…You can’t make sense of what you don’t understand, but it can still make you feel something.

 

…I can honestly say I’m not sure what I have to offer.

 

…“Who Cares?” What a great album, and great question.

 

…It’s funny, the little things that make you miss a person.

 

“It was a failure of imagination that kept making me leave people.  All I could see in the world were beginnings and endings: moments to survive, record, and, once recorded, safely forget.” Sarah Manguso

 

…“I knew I was getting somewhere when I began losing interest in the beginning and ends of things.” Sarah Manguso

 

...A lot of times I think, “Who in the fuck built this house?” Then I think, “Oh, yeah that’s right.”

 

…It’s hard to stay sober. Really hard. I listen to myself now and I think I’m the last person I’d like to be listening to.

 

…I went for a morning walk, my ritual now, and saw a deer chomping away on some plants. She looked at me like she knew me. We had a short discussion, then I walked on by and she keep eating. I wondered what she made of that.

 

…About their birthday, after I asked them how it was, they said, “I was just feeling grateful to be alive.” That sounds really trite, but what a statement.

 

…A lot of people just want to have fun, and I don’t negate that. I just want to feel something, and if it’s fun or not, or if it’s a shock, I’ll bear it if I can.

 

…I keep reminding people that this is my space. Convoluted or not, it’s me in the raw, and you can’t change it. 

 

…All my memories, packed away so no one can ever find them.

 

…Am I a better person that way, funnier, more likeable? Probably. And that sucks a lot.

 

…I wonder what the world would be like if everyone told the truth all of the time.

 

…I wonder what the world would look like if everyone took John’s advice to me: “For 60 seconds, twice a day, tell someone how important they are to you, and why.”

 

…And, yeah, not a day goes by that I don’t think about him.

 

…There are two ways this story can go and you get to pick which one.

 

…“Say something?”

 

…There we go. Good job.

 

…Maybe I’m the new Truman Capote.

 

...Patience is something I’ve never been able to grasp, but I get the idea of it.

 

…Maybe we could try this again. What do you think?

 

…Stay Golden.