—MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE A WALK, AND FUCK ALL THE RUNNING

   

…There’s no mystery to me, I’m pretty much everything you see right here, bald, naked and completely vulnerable. 

 

…And here I thought we were going to be happy until the end.

 

…And what you’re asking me now, disastrous now, hoping and hoping and hoping, this feeling goes away.

 

…It can be—“You didn’t do this, and you didn’t do that, or this or that, so I know you don’t really love me.” 

Or it can be—“Wow, Holy crap, I see how you did this and said that, however taciturn, and I noticed, so, thank you for loving me in your own way.”

 

…It’s only real if you share it.

 

…“It's easier to be destroyed by the past when you're not looking at right now.” Jay Halsey

 

…I spent all day wishing the day was over.

 

--Worst Uncle ever.

--That’s not true and you know it.

 

--Go to bed, and don’t do anything stupid.

 

…No, you’re not wrong. You’re definitely not wrong about that.

 

…I haven’t thought that through, though somehow, certain people need me to stay alive to be involved in their lives. 

 

…“Cooking For Old Fucks” is definitely a show I’d watch, and I don’t even like to cook.

 

…“Regret is something you’ve got to just live with. You can’t drink it away. You can’t run away from it. You can’t trick yourself out of it. You’ve just got to own it.” Anthony Bourdain 

 

…I’m trying to live in the moment, but sometimes the moment’s weird and it doesn’t want me there.

 

…The more you talk to someone, the harder it is to hide who you are. Maybe that’s why I’m an introvert and you’re not.

 

…The really scary part is where you don’t want to write anything else down because you think you won’t read it tommorow.

 

…When I talk about loneliness, I’m not joking. I’m an unfortunate expert.  Don’t Fuck with me. I know what I’m talking about, though I wish I didn’t. 

 

…“Not everyone is going to think you’re magnificent and magical. They’re wrong though. They're just Dickheads.” Jamie Lee Curtis 

 

…I’ll just go ahead and give myself extra points for restraint and not tell you anything again.

 

…Every person keeps a journal, even if they never write a word.

 

…“What is the body but a biography of secrets?” Sara Henning

 

…Nodding is actually a good way to stretch your throat muscles.

 

…It would be very difficult to come up with a band name today, one that hasn’t somehow been already taken. Just don’t pick Hoobastank.

 

…“I don't think of myself as making art. I do what I do because I want to, because painting is the best way I've found to get along with myself." Robert Rauschenberg

 

…If I’d known how soon it would end, I might have enjoyed it more.

 

…What a burden, what a duty, having to love me is.  I recognize that fact and I’m so sorry.

 

…Stop apologizing for your bad poetry.

 

…“The more closely you look at a word, the more distantly it looks back at you.” Karl Krauss

 

… So, go on and tell me what you want to sell me.

 

…Oh, yeah, that’s going to be a problem. We’ll never talk about it. But it’ll sit there, like a needle, drilling sometimes and sometimes not.

 

…Sometimes I think, “You know what? Fuck off.” A lot of times, that’s actually me talking to myself, saying that to myself. Who does that?

 

…I know—No one. 

 

…Even when I couldn’t do anything, I knew I could always write. And somehow, that was the thing that saved me, under the covers with a flashlight shining on the pages, or page, bald like it is right now.

 

…I woke up and realized everything is stupid if you think it is. 

 

… What’s my problem? I think I see the promise of God in an oil spill.

 

…“Why does anything have to mean anything at all?” Robert Vaughan

 

…Once the colors are running, you can’t turn nothing into something. 

 

--What’re you going to be for Halloween?

--Drunk.

 

…I’ve got a very strange feeling.

 

…It can’t always be this way, can it?

 

…It’s getting harder to hold on, that’s all I’ll say.

 

…If I could explain it to you properly, don’t you think I would've already?

 

…There’s no one here to impress, trust me.

 

…Maybe I’ll ride the fumes.

 

…Everything I was, once upon a time, doesn’t matter one bit, and the thing is I don’t care. I can’t even see myself that way now. Thank God for faulty memories.

 

…Never drop a 35-pound weight on your toe. You don’t really need your toes until you don’t have one. 

 

…I’m pretty sure I was the only Chucklehead awake at one-something in the morning last Monday, but I had a few illuminating moments, as one always does at one-something in the morning.

 

..."You must have really hated that moose."

 

...Yeah, well…

 

…I can’t be the only one up at 1:30 am, can I?

 

…I fucking hate when your computer crashes and you have to reinstall and then all new these things pop up that are different, like you can’t access italics at certain points.

 

…We didn’t come here for a haircut.

 

…I know what you want to believe, but maybe that’s not how it went down on my side of things. 

 

…Do you even remember what Putin’s justification for invading Ukraine was? He was going to rid them of Nazis. Really? Well, there’s something.

...Really? A friend blocked me on social media because I defended Taylor Swift. Really? Fuck you. I should have blocked you first.

...We lost 60-some pages of blog thoughts to an outage. That's probably a really good thing, since I can be very verbose.

 

…You really don’t want to talk to me first thing in the morning.

 

…Sometimes a good day is finding your name on a letter.

 

...It’s no fun learning how needy you are, but better to know it than not.

 

…Vanity doesn’t give up much, but it doesn’t give that much either way.

 

…Right now, at this hour, it’s so dark out that black doesn’t even know what black looks like.

 

…Here’s a good word to remember when you want to reach out to the whole world—restraint.  

 

...I’ve got my own problems, and I think you do, too. 

 

…Even though I shouldn’t, I’ll probably always remember that.

 

…You can’t fix stupid, but you can admire and study it.

 

…I guess we all have our moments when the world feels constraining.

 

…Only a moment ago, it was spring, and I was singing. 

 

…The funny thing is we’re not even sure what we saw. But it looked like beauty.

 

…Some things I learned, and some I remembered about nature, this week:

    --Sometimes when bees are gathering nectar, they fall asleep in the flowers. 

    --Whales will follow their injured friends to shore, often taking their own lives so as not to let a loved one be alone when he dies. 

    --Fish are so sensitive that snowflakes sound like fireworks when they land on the water. 

    --Otters hold hands when they sleep so they don’t drift apart at night.  

 

…You can die from a broken heart, but the opposite is also true.

 

…“For seventy-five minutes I spoke about nothing but love. How everything but ‘I love you’ is small talk.” Andrea Gibson

 

…The weird thing about bravery is that, if you’re doing it right, it feels like fear.

 

…I’d say the moment lasted a lifetime, but no one ever lives that long.

 

…“We work a job we hate, to buy things we don’t need, to impress people we don’t even like.” Tyler Durden, Fight Club  

 

--Buddha: Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

--Me (taking notes): Buddha says, Make sure you give the poison to the other person.

 

…Do you ever find yourself saying, and thinking, “Well, this is just dumb?” No? So, I guess it’s just me then. 

 

…I only blinked my eyes.

 

…I have trouble with memories.

 

…“Humans can't live in the present, like animals do. Humans are always thinking about the future or the past.” Townes Van Zandt

 

…One year I went to Halloween as a problem. No one could figure me out, and I couldn’t figure me out either.

 

…I don’t make it easy for myself.

 

…“Sometimes it’s that no one’s looking. Other times, it’s the finding that’s hard.” Jay Halsey

 

…“God is always right on time.” Yeah, well, not always. I can give you a few examples.

 

…Among other things, I’ve taken up chewing on my thumbnails.

 

…Whether you know it or not, I’m always on your side.

 

…Once I got published, I got the fever and it consumed me. I never thought I’d be in this place where I don’t care if I ever get published again.

 

…If you don’t know the title, you’re fucked. 

 

…You can count on being right when you say to yourself for the twelfth time, “Well, that was really fucking stupid.”

 

…I pull a Britney every day of the week.

 

…Easier said than done, that’s for sure.

 

…“The difference between purple and blue is one color is commonly used to describe feeling depressed. Violet and purple are sometimes used interchangeably. But purple is a non-spectral color, a mixture of red and blue. Violet exists as a spectral wavelength between blue and ultraviolet. It is also a flower. When I see the word "violet," my mind oftentimes changes it to "violent.” Jay Halsey

 

…I changed the ending again. Did you notice?

 

“How many days 

did we need each other 

at the same time 

without knowing it”

    ---Andrea Gibson

 

…Be very careful with that word, “distrust.” It’s the heaviest, and dirtiest word of all, and no one even knows what you mean unless you spell it out, which you should have never even tried in the first place.

...That guy, and then that guy, and then that other guy, they stripped me at the airport, but I'm still here writing, so Fuck Off.

...I'm not entirely sure, but I think today's a good day to be alive.