—FEBRUARY 4^TH THROUGH THE 16^TH OF MAY

 

 

Good

 

I sometimes think about 

the widow who wrote 

of her late poet husband 

how he felt such gratitude 

simply to be able to write 

and then doubly more so if

he got the chance to share 

his words with others 

how once, only one person 

showed up at the bookstore 

for his reading and yet 

her husband practiced reciting poems 

behind the back shelf sections to himself 

an hour before going on 

and then when he took the podium

he delivered a performance 

as if he was conducting at Carnegie Hall 

or auditioning for one extra day of life 

which in his mind he probably was 

though I’ve never met him 

which is why I think about him 

every time I send a piece out 

in the mail hoping someone,

even a stranger I’ll never meet,

might write back and say 

This is good

 

—I’D BETTER GET MY SHIT TOGETHER

 

 

…When someone asks you to listen, it’s probably already too late, but you should still try.

 

…Make room. I think that’s what we’re meant to do, why we’re here.

 

…You can only spill on yourself so much.

 

…It might be your favorite, but that doesn’t guarantee anyone else is going to like it. 

 

…Help me out—what am I looking at here?

 

…With people before, they left like a falling floor.

 

--Do you even know what today is?

--No. What?

--A good day to take a nap.

 

…I find that I swear a lot more than I used to, and I also find that I enjoy, and am interested in, other people who swear a lot, way more than I’m interested in people who never swear at all.

 

…Here’s a good place to stop—it’s called Yesterday.

 

…I was looking at the moon this morning and it was looking right back at me.

 

…Do I wear hats?

 

…The thing is, you have to trust somebody eventually.

 

…“No Way Out” was a really underrated film. In my head it was.

 

…You’re a much better actor than me.

 

…Me wearing a pink jacket with epaulets? All that would be is, me asking to get the shit kicked out of me. 

 

--I wish the draft was already over.

--But it’s only Friday.

--I know. What do you not understand here?

 

…Careful now, don’t get caught in your dreams.

 

…It can mean whatever you want it to mean. Don’t overthink it, unless you want to, for some reason.

 

…After I’m gone, someone’s going to log onto this computer, type in Don’t Bother Knocking (19), and they’re going to say, “Holy Shit! Look at all this blather. Why is it just sitting here, in a file, that no one will ever see? Maybe we should light a match.” 

 

…Like ants in a box with nowhere to run.

 

…Wow, things looked a lot different then. If only I’d known how much.

 

…Fucking M’s.

 

...The math doesn’t seem to quite work. 

 

…I’m a lot happier than I seem. Trust me.

 

…It’s a gift beyond measure—having a child—but there’s a lot of pressure that comes with that. 

 

…It doesn’t take much to make me restless, unsettled and wondering what I’m doing here.

 

…Sometimes I think—All I have to do here is, show up. How hard can that be? But it can be awfully hard sometimes. 

 

…I’m trying to get steady, and I think you are, too.

 

…(…)

 

…See what I mean?

 

…When you talk about overthinking things, consider line breaks—those will mess with you for days if you let them.

 

…Fuck that guy. I hate him so much. I can’t even articulate how much I hate him.

 

…I knew the day would come, sooner or later, where you’d slip and let go. I just didn’t expect it to be today. 

 

...There are always two sides to a coin.

 

…In the end, doesn’t everyone just want to think that they were a good person?

 

…Don’t crucify me, but I think (and I stand by this) that a foot massage, if it’s well done, is better than any sex you could ever have.  

 

...Sometimes when I’m crying, for no conceivable reason, I think to myself: What the hell are you doing right now? Why is this such a fuss for you when it would never ever be a fuss for any other person on the planet?

 

…If it works, you look like a genius, and if it doesn’t, well you at least tried.

 

…I’m not sure how I still have a belly, but it’s right here, staring up at me now like some sea creature in a B movie no one remembers.

 

…I could see a deer three times a day for the rest of my life and I’d never not be in a state of awe when I see one.

 

…This can’t all just be a convenient accident. There’s no way. That’s impossible.

 

…I was out prayin’ for you, that’s why my friends pray for me.

 

…“Punk used to be all about yelling and making a big noise, but now the resistance is kindness and empathy” David Byrne, The Talking Heads

 

…No mas. Okay, sure. We’ll see how that works out.

 

…What if there was no such thing as Christianity? What then?

 

…I think I’m ready for you now, if you’re ready for me.

 

…I was thinking about taking today off, but then I remembered there were still people who love me.

 

…It doesn’t matter what you think if you don’t show up.

 

…“Who the fuck has time for gestures?” The Bear

 

…I’m a writer, but then no one’s perfect.

 

…If I just keep drinking this coffee, well then maybe…

 

…Say a prayer for me Saturday morning. Say a prayer for me any morning, if you happen to have a spare five seconds. I would feel lucky and happy to have anyone pray for me.

 

…I sure push Save a lot.

 

…Who knew Ed Sullivan would become my third biggest hero, right behind Jesus and Volodymyr Zelenskyy?

 

…I remember vividly when I was having lunch with one of my best friends, and I said, “I think you’d really like ____ K, and I think you’d probably become best friends if you got to know him,” and my best friend said, “I don’t have time for any more friends.” It seemed incredibly crass and ridiculous at the time, but now it seems kind of profound.

 

…Just because no one told you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know. 

 

…People who can make you laugh, like belly-gut laugh to the point you’re in tears, are really precious.

 

…I was probably the only person on the planet missing David Cassidy yesterday, and that saddens me.

…Scares me to death, cause I want this.

 

…When my watch buzzes now, it’s a little like a dog running into an electrical fence.

 

…I can call you, Betty, and Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al…

 

…You know what’s not a good look? America.

 

…People think I’m bitching, but I’m really just paying attention.

 

…I think there’s an app for that.

 

…But there’s not one to keep Stevie Nicks from barking all day.

 

…Something no one’s ever going to say about me—That guy really knew his way around a truck. Or—You’d be hard-pressed to find a man who loved hunting and killing defenseless animals more than him. Or—That guy lived his life worry-free.

 

…If I had better words, I’d use them.

 

…If I wasn’t this sensitive, I wouldn’t be so sensitive.

 

…I found a little golf ball in my yard the other day while I was out picking berries. It made me smile for a long time. There’s only one other person on the entire planet who understands why that was, and that makes me smile, too. 

 

…The things that I don’t know could fill a million fucking houses. 

 

…I think one of the worst things that can happen to you on a train, or a long plane flight—other than dying—is running out of books to read, so I’m packing.

 

…It’s Friday for somebody, somewhere.

 

…Well, tomorrow’s going to be interesting. See You Next…Monday.

 

—IT FEELS LIKE I’M ALWAYS REACHING FOR THE ONE THING I CAN TRUST AND BELIEVE IN, SO THAT MUST MEAN I’M STILL ALIVE AND LUCKY

 

Apples

 

Each year the apples fall without us

and deer nose the grass before

chomping golden meat to mush.

 

Sundown comes too early,  

like a quiet death without fanfare.

In spring, if there are enough bees, 

 

the buds will pop out their silly heads, 

smile back mischievously,

showgirls willing to tease the gift of beauty.

 

Nature doesn't care about us, even if 

we think it does. When I asked 

how you reconcile an artist’s genius

with his flawed humanity, you said 

They change, even if it's on their deathbed 

asking forgiveness, when no one else hears.

 

—YOU’RE NO ROMEO

History

She was trying to teach me how to kiss while I thought we were talking about water

An eagle hovered nearby stuck in the sky like a push pin

No one in the history of the world had ever died yet

She jerked the rivet free from its closed eye and kept searching

The river sloshed and gurgled like infants in a tub

I started to contemplate the idea of hunger how it turns you

The cedar beside us seemed uncertain like breath at an altar

I noticed a freckle on her earlobe winking at me

The mountains moved around us Musical Chairs or just restless nature

She whispered something I couldn’t make out and wasn’t meant to

There was a tornado far off like a tiny smudge or a sperm tucking its head down

Her palm turned oven-hot when it discovered something 

Two separate rocks hung atop the rushing water like sad buckteeth

My pulse bounced and ignored me altogether because I was young and stupid

I thought I saw otters fornicating in the tide though it was the sun playing tricks

Her hair was faded cotton candy the kind you might get sick over

Someone somewhere shoreside skipped a rock seven times setting a record

Her mouth tasted like a bowl of earth I was meant to be buried in

A deer showed up but just cocked its head as all deer do

I held my breath until it was blood meant to be donated to other people

She smiled at me as if she’d become a painting which she was

Later we named it love but never called it that to anyone who knew us

I saw her last at Union Station years afterward 

The crowd around us disintegrated like a rainbow the sky wants back because it’s jealous

 

—I’M AFRAID I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SAY GOODBYE

 

 

…Come on, Ramona, church bells are ringing. Everyone’s singing. Why do we feel so alone?

 

…“I started being really proud of the fact that I was gay, even though I wasn’t.” Kurt Cobain

 

…Bigotry is just a watered-down word for hatred.

 

…Hatred has always been something I’ve been fearful of, even way back as a child. But I’m starting to grasp the concept of it now. Doesn’t mean I’m less fearful, just that I sort of understand its genesis, how it starts out, grows long roots, then blooms.

 

…I’ve never worked on a poem as hard as I have Wednesday’s, and yet it’s still a very long way from perfect. It was one of those that felt really important to me.

 

…I get torn. On the one hand, it would be nice not to feel things so strongly that they rip me to shreds. On the other hand, I’d miss out on a lot if it didn’t hit me the way it hits me when it hits me like it hits me.

 

…I’d probably be able to write something happy.

 

…“Why do humans need to be thieves of joy? Just let others have their own little slices of happy. There's enough to go around.” Stephanie Clark

… Dear Len,

Thank you for sending us "Waiting for the Light (and other poems)," but unfortunately, we’ve decided not to publish anything from this submission. We work hard to consider every poem fairly and carefully, but we're narrowing 100,000 poems a year down to the 100 that we publish.

 

…I think it was “anything” and “100,000” that both struck me. 

 

...You might even think I’m a happy person.

 

…People shouldn’t throw the word love around like it’s, “Please pass the salt.” I think you need to take a couple of seconds and think before you say the word love, that you should treat it like a nugget of gold you somehow found in your backyard, or a baby that was left on your porch. I don’t mean to make too much of things, but the word love has never been trivial to me. Please don’t tell me you love me unless you really mean it.

 

…This is a familiar song but—I could be in trouble.

 

…If you keep your expectations low enough, everything comes out smelling like roses. But is that any way to live your life?

 

…This is the one place I’m never shy. And I don’t know why, because I’m pretty introverted and awkward everywhere else I am, and it doesn’t matter who I’m with.

 

…If you’re full of shit, you should at least bring a sense of humor along for the ride.

 

…You don’t get points for trying, but you should still try.

 

…I’m trying really hard, though I know I could try harder.

 

...Maybe second place is just the first to lose.

 

…Who gets all the blame? I guess, it’s up to you to choose.

 

…I’m really sorry if I didn’t hold up my part of the bargain. And also I know how lame it sounds with me saying I’m sorry again.

 

…I’m not a fan of tattoos, but, you know, if that’s your thing, so be it. Like my kids have them and even my mother in-law got a cat tattoo at age 70. 

I just don’t like the idea of something being permanently on my skin that defines me. 

Even though I don’t like them, I’ve come to see how having a tattoo is actually a kind of bravery.

 

…“Beauty becomes so heavy sometimes that it looks like sadness. It's not.” Jay Halsey

 

…A friend of mine was struggling with a friend of hers who she said was really “tough, like a bitch-tough” and I said, “Just remember, in her head, she’s probably still seven or eight years old, and what ever happened then is still playing out in her mind, which is why she comes across so tough. She’s just protecting herself, because she’s an eight-year-old child trying to figure out the world.”

 

…I can pinkie-swear this: no one hates Goodbye more than I do. Okay, maybe Gracie.

 

…Watched the sun set over the Hudson

 

…How does someone turn down a publisher who wants to put out your novel, which was perhaps the biggest dream of your entire life? How does that even happen?

 

…I don’t know about that, but then, I don’t know about much.

 

…“It’s a kitchen. Its curtains fill

with a morning light so bright 

you can’t see beyond its windows 

into the afternoon. A kitchen 

falling through time with its things 

in their places, the dishes jingling 

up in the cupboard, the bucket 

of drinking water rippled as if

a truck had just gone past, but that truck 

was thirty years.”

Ted Kooser

 

…This is where it gets dumb and I don’t know what I’m doing.

 

…The whole day was waiting for me. Right there, it was. Like a perfect, shiny apple.

 

…Okay, just one more time. I promise this time.

 

…It’s hard to let people laugh at you, but if you can endure it, something important happens.

 

…“At this point, I have a request for our fans. If any of you in any way hate homosexuals, people of different color, or women, please do this one favor for us—leave us the fuck alone. Don’t come to our shows and don’t buy our records.” Kurt Cobain

 

… Something I said to my son, the other day, after sharing music again--“I guess this is a case where we hear it differently. And that’s okay.” 

 

…Is it, The tracks are off the rails, or The rails are off the tracks?

 

…It feels like I should have learned more when I was younger, when I had the time and wasn’t so stuffed full of opinions.

 

…Part of me says, I sure hope there’s something left in there, but then this other part, the hopeless one, says, I hope that glass is bone dry.

 

…“I'm not sure I got to see the best of you. Or the worst. But I saw enough. And I love you still.” Barry Basden

 

…At this point, it’s stupid to get unnerved when you AFib, yet I still very much am.

 

…The thing about mistakes is they’re really easy to make. Fucking mistakes.

 

…This might be an overly bold take, but I think, when I’m gone, someone’s going to read all this back and go, You know what? That guy had something to say. 

 

…Between you and me, at this hour right now, it doesn’t seem like there’s another soul alive, or if that soul is even trying.

 

…Boy, what a bad idea that is, waking up just minutes after midnight, thinking that’ll hold you for the rest of the day.

 

…I know I talk about friendship, and friends, a lot on here, but I really didn’t have any friends until late in the game, so I think they mean a lot more to me than they do other people, the people who are naturally gregarious and glossy and might take the friends they have for granted.

 

…I almost never edit Friday’s post, but I sure did this time around.

 

…If there were no more books, I’d read the stones in the gully where I pick berries and sometimes trip, holding a couple of Tupperware bowls in my hands.

 

…When you have a blog, or a thing like whatever this is, it can create problems you never wanted. 

 

…Oh, boy.

 

…You think you know one thing, then you talk to someone else and it’s like you know something different.

 

…The thing to remember is everyone comes with a past.

 

…Let’s just get through this thing.

 

…“What are you so nervous about?”

 

…A lot of brilliant artists—painters, singers, writers—were really bad people. How do you reconcile that—the genius with their flawed humanity? I guess you hope that they changed, even if was on their deathbed asking for forgiveness, when no one heard about it but God.

 

…You have to be careful with excuses.

 

…All right, okay, we can go to bed now, can’t we?

 

…Someday this will all be funny.