—I’VE NEVER BEEN WORSE, BUT I’VE NEVER BEEN BETTER

 

 

…“It’s a gift—to be seen and heard.” Amy Marques

 

…I’m always late to the party, but I will say now that Spotify is one of the best things EVER. It’s a little like being over 60 when someone says, “Hey, have you ever heard of this thing called ice cream? No? Well, you should try it, I think you’ll like it.” Or, “Have you heard of this thing called sex?” Yeah, Spotify is like sex, or ice cream, or sex with ice cream.

 

…I hate suspicious people, but sometimes you have to hand it to them.

 

…I ran into Paula at the end of the road. She always looks so happy to see me and she walked with me for a bit, but when we came to that hill she looked at me like, “Are you fucking kidding?”

 

…The other day I was driving down a different road and smack dab in the middle (I've never said or wrote that expression before in my life) was a rabbit chomping on a nut or something. And it didn’t move. I scooted up two feet from it, and it still didn’t move. Honked the horn. Honked again. Finally, it flopped away. I hope that little guy is being more careful.

 

…“Loneliness is solitude with a problem.” Maggie Nelson

 

…No one wants to look for things that aren’t there, but sometimes that’s the better decision.

 

…Do you like him, or like the actor?

 

…Some people are never going to change, I know that, so why do I beat myself up when they don’t?

 

…Yesterday, out of the blue, I called someone I haven’t seen or spoken to in years, but they didn’t pick up. I knew they wouldn’t, but hopefully it meant something that I was thinking of them. 

 

...“I think sometimes the stars align whether we want them to or not. And we’re drawn to certain people and places for no other reason than destiny.” Morgan Parker.

 

…I never understood the difference between a wave goodbye and a wink goodbye until now, though all my life I’ve never trusted a person who winks, no matter their gender.

 

…What I also have to remind myself is that not everything is a test, or an explanation about something I hope to feel. 

 

…It feels a lot better to say, “Fuck off” when you’re not joking.

 

…I kind of loved the story this week about the 8-year-old who ordered 70,000 Dum-Dum suckers on his parents’ Amazon account. And they delivered them!  But really, like you can just order 70,000 suckers and no one on the other end thinks, Wait a minute?

 

…I try to be a good friend (even a virtual one, from a distance) and a good literary citizen, but someone’s going to need to step in and institutionalize me if I buy any more indie books.

 

…What a great gig, to be the “source” that magazines always quote yet never identify. I mean, you could just make shit up all day and who would know any different?

 

…I hear a doorbell ring and it’s totally Pavlovian—I jerk and look and think there’s someone there, even if the chime only just came from the tv.

 

…Am I dying here and no one’s telling me?

 

…What if you’re looking for something that’s just not there, then what?

 

…“It was a glorious day. I walked in my garden and smelled the roses and thought how clever I was.” Angelica Houston on the first thing she did after a four-year bout with cancer.  

 

…Whenever I’m not sure what to do, I grab a book, hoping for an answer.

 

…It’s hard not to—every once in a while—not consider yourself an idiot for liking sports.

 

…Shift. Shift. Ok. Ok.

 

…Even the angels need their sleep, right?

 

…“Paying attention to things—this is how we show love.” --Frank, “The Last of Us”

 

… SHOOTING REPORTED LESS THAN 5.5 MILES FROM YOUR HOME

 

…I saw a t-shirt that said, Your Anxiety is Lying to You, and it made me wonder—Is it? Is it really, though?

 

…There are the things you say and then there are the things you mean.

 

…If I actually have to explain why this is such a problem for me and so many others, well, we probably shouldn’t be talking.

 

…If you can nod off in the dentist’s chair you must not have any serious trust issues.

 

…Maybe all news stations do this, but FOX seems especially giddy to share BREAKING NEWS when it’s detrimental to the other side.

 

…I got a friend request from someone whose profile said they were a “Book Specialist.” Really? Like what’s that? And, can I be one, too?

 

…I wonder if I’m strong enough to surrender.

 

…I’m a good friend, but if you want a perfect one, you should probably keep looking.

 

…Holy crap, Pete and Paula both just flew by. That’s only happened five times in the last 17 years, and one of those was last week.

 

…It’s hard to win when you don’t have any vowels.

 

…YOU APPEARED IN 48 SEARCHES THIS WEEK

 

…“He is careful of what he reads, for that is what he will write. He is careful of what he learns, for that is what he will know.” Annie Dillard

 

…We live in a time of monsters.

 

…AN ASSAULT REPORTED LESS THAN 3.6 MILES FROM YOUR HOME         

 

…If it seems like things are getting closer, it’s because they are.

 

…It’s really tough being a hypocrite. Just ask me and I’ll tell you all about it.

 

…In every picture, you’ll see me trying to hang onto whoever will have me.

 

…If this is all bullshit, I guess I love bullshit.

 

…If you did all the stuff they say you’re supposed to—diet, exercise, psychology—life would kind of suck.

 

…Some of my friends are changing, but how about me?

 

…You don’t have to tell me anything, my eyes are good enough.

 

— Joel: “Airplanes weren’t all they were cracked up to be.” 

— Ellie: “Dude! You were in fucking space!”  

              --“The Last of Us”

 

…It doesn’t take a lot to break me down, until I’m either sugar or salt.

 

…I wonder if other people play certain songs on a loop as long as I do.

 

…It seems like there used to be a lot more people to look up to when I was younger but maybe I just think that because I’m not anymore.

 

…I like true crime but I always feel a little guilty that I do, having that voyeuristic hedonism. So, a while back I signed up for People magazine’s true crime newsletter, which is probably going too far, even for me. For example, here’s the most recent headline: “After She Stabbed and Skinned Her Husband, Police Found a Gruesome Stew on the Stove—and Plates Set for Kids.” Mind you now, I didn’t write that.

 

…Isn’t it funny how you can go your whole long life and not know something everyone else in the world does? For example: Adam’s apple. I've never thought of where that term/expression came from until I read a story my friend just sent me.

 

…He declares himself “king.” He declares himself “pope.” He says he “runs America and the world.” His words, not mine. Look it up. If that’s not the antichrist talking, I don’t know what is.

 

…No one wants to hear, “I told you so.” Especially yourself.

 

…I wish I was better at directing my thoughts. Most of the time it seems like they run things.

 

…I wonder if people still call their dad “My old man.” I hope not.

 

…I pulled out my last book because someone had commented on one of the pieces, and then I started reading it and boy is it dark. I mean, really, really dark. I’m not sure I’d want to meet the guy that wrote that book.

 

…I’m not sure what kind of country I live in anymore when this is a real headline: Woman Seen Using Racist Slur Toward Child Raises Over $600K in Donations

 

…“If the tables won’t turn, flip them the fuck over,” she said.

 

…That kid’s just being dramatic.

 

…“The medium of poetry isn’t language, really, it’s loneliness, a loneliness that poets manifest to their readers.” Dan Chiasson

 

…Despite everything, it was a good week to be alive.

 

…Okay, let’s go save some lives.