--MY
ARMS ARE SO EMPTY, THE BREEZE HAS BLOWN THEM OFF
Storm Lake
The storm hits without warning, and
by Tuesday, snowdrifts as tall as four feet have already blocked the front
door.
I try to call my wife but there’s no
cell service. Today’s our anniversary:
seven years. She’s in Baltimore for a
convention. When she returns we’re
supposed to make a decision about whether we’re too broken to mend, her having
had an affair with her boss, me being too scared to leave her.
Snow continues to drop, thick as
mud, plates of the stuff. Outside tree branches
break every half hour or so, the wreckage sounding like thunder and gunfire.
The power’s been out since
evening. Rotten food odors fill the
kitchen. The refrigerator leaks dirty
water. The silence in the house is so
still it’s unnerving, and now I can see my breath.
The dog stares at me, her head
cocked, as if she senses doom. When I
let her piss in the house, then mop up the floor, she scampers to a corner and
begins mewling.
Outside, the lake is a white shelf,
an ivory island. Ducks--looking more
like decoys than the real things--cluster in the northeastern corner. Part of me wishes I owned a gun.
Our house in the woods is set a mile
back from any road, and I know no one will be coming soon. Power outages in these parts can take days to
be repaired.
The dog starts to moan, as if it’s
sick or injured or possessed. When I
toss a sock at her, she shreds the thing in an instant.
The marriage counselor my wife and I
tried always seemed to take my wife’s side.
He said my wife’s motivations for the affair could be numerous. He suggested I was, in many ways, more than
responsible. He said men who ignore
their spouses are asking for trouble.
When I look over at the dog, she’s
chewing the leg of a stuffed chair and staring at me, growling as she rips off
splinters. “Have at it,” I say.
I ball up old newspapers and my
wife’s Vogue magazines and start a fire in the sink. I go to the bedroom and rummage through her
dresser drawers, returning with lacy bras and thongs, most with the price tags
still on. They’re slow to catch flame,
smoldering a ghostlike smoke.
When I was a kid, my brother and I
used to walk across the lake when it froze over. He’d go out the farthest, mocking my
cowardice. I told him I’d heard another
boy had fallen through the ice, but that only caused my brother to titter and
call me chicken shit.
The homes across the shore all have
their lights on. It’s a half mile
trek. I get my coat and hat and
boots. I walk through mattresses of
snow, down a slope to the frozen waterfront.
I look back at the house, hooded with drifts of gleaming white. I tell it goodbye and I think I mean it.
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