—TOO OLD FOR DYIN’ YOUNG, TOO YOUNG TO LIVE ALONE

  

 

…Better grip, so you don’t slip.

 

…What have we really got to lose, after all?

 

…I have all of these pills, and yet no aspirin. Really?

 

…I know it’s just logarithms, but it feels like certain people are consciously ducking me.

 

.…I guess it’s good to worry because it means you care.

 

…I haven’t had a headache like this since the day before I wasn’t meant to be born.

 

…Hey, Josh!

 

…I guess I’m just mad at myself today.

 

…Throw me a bone and see if I don’t jump.

 

…You’d think sunshine would make things better.

 

…Can’t you see? There’s nothing to be disappointed about.

 

…My skull feels like a Christmas stocking that’s empty, except for the noise and stale air.

 

…Aren’t poets supposed to be cryptic by nature? 

 

…It took me five years to say I was a writer, and even now, it doesn’t sound entirely true.

 

…There’s one thing I guarantee I can beat you at. Just pull out the scale, and let’s get started.

 

...Some weekends, well, they’re just lost.

 

…There once was a man from Nantucket…

 

…Never meet your hero, is sage advice.

 

…There’s really nothing comparable to a heartfelt hug, one where you let every single thing leak out.

 

…I should probably give up on Vampire Weekend eventually.

 

…I guess I’m never living in NYC after all.

 

…God, this lake, it’s spectacular.

...Eight more days!

 

…Book of hours, Russian icons and sand mandalas and Natarajas and hex-sign barns, Ando churches and whirling dervishes, long exposures… I mean, who writes like that?

 

…New Daryl usually wipes everything away.

 

…Well, this is something else… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FIw7ERlVxU

 

...But how’re you doing?

 

…I wrote too much today, crumbles and prayers, such a waste.

 

…I can’t even begin to know what you’re thinking, and maybe that’s the point. 

 

…You can’t get more introspective than this.

 

…There used to be a plane on a pole at the bottom of the hill where we lived when I was four and living in Bismarck. I always thought I’d imagined that, but about fifteen years ago, we went back and that plane was still there. I think my brothers are probably huddling around it right now without me.

 

…This chair, man, it hates me almost as much as I hate it back.

 

…So, I’ve been through the deaths of my mother, my birth-dad and step-dad, but nothing’s been quite like this, reconciling the loss of my mother in-law.

I know I’ve been writing a lot about it, and her, here, and this will be the last bit. 

The day after her passing, I woke up and wept for well over an hour, sitting up in bed and wiping my tears and snot on a pillowcase. 

And she wasn’t even my birth mother. 

Maybe that’s why.

Then a while later I felt angry. Like, really angry and belligerent. Have you ever felt that, when you lost someone close to you?

It was strange. In the throes of anger, I felt momentarily strong, though I’m nothing like that.

And then, of course, it started to rain, a thumping downpour, and I read into that, like it might be Armageddon, like it was some sign telling me it was okay to be mad, to maybe even get angrier.

I’m the least thing from a fighter, but I wanted to hit someone, see them suffer, and then suffer with them.

  

…A lot of times, I feel like I’m not alive, like I’m a ghost or doppelganger of myself, muddling through, trying to do a good deed here or there when I can.

 

…I wonder how many of us really know ourselves.

Because I don’t know me.

 

…The good thing about living in a turret is you vomit your thoughts out without having to explain.

 

…How and anyone possibly cry this much?

 

…This is how numb you can get—when you look down and see moons of bright red blood spilled below your chair and don’t know the source (apparently, I stepped on a piece of glass).

 

…From everything I’ve learned, blood washes away easily.

 

…Don’t try to lose someone—it isn’t that easy.

 

…Take care of your heart and your feet. They’re important.

 

…I can scratch my head all I want, for as ever long as I want, and I’m still not getting it back.  

 

..It’s funny, because those blood stains disappeared, and now they’re back again.

    

…Today was a tough day, and I don’t even know why.

 

…THE REMARKS OF GUESTS APPEARING ON THIS STATION ARE THEIR OWN AND IN NO ARE THEY A REFLECTION OF THE VIEWS AND OPINIONS OF THIS STATION OR MANAGEMENT.