—IT’S HARD TO GET BY, JUST UPON A SMILE

  

…Happy New Year. You deserve one without stress or anguish or longing. I hope you get it. What I really hope is that you get everything you’ve ever wanted, and then some. Truly.

...Pete just flew by, just this minute, so I'm taking that as a good omen.

 

…Last night I wrote an essay for a contest. At 2,500 words, it was the longest thing I’ve written in at least half a decade. Can you guess what it was about?

 

…I’ve gotten a lot better at forgiving. Doesn’t mean it’s gotten easier. But I’ve been forgiven plenty. Plus, I’m running the last lap now, so why drink rat poison?

 

…Pretty sure I would make a good hunger striker. Pretty sure I need to leave that bottle alone. Pretty sure I’m not very sure about much. 

 

…I wish I could smell something. Anything really. Even something awful.

 

…Right now, it’s a snow globe outside, and it’s stunning in every which way. There are ducks sitting on a ledge of ice that’s formed at one end of the lake.

 

…Every morning I wake to 40+ emails and yet there’s never anything there.

I remember when I was a kid and it used to be exciting to run to the mailbox, to see if you got a letter from someone you cared about. Now it’s all just recycle.

 

…If things go according to plan, I’ll be speaking Spanish by this time next year.

 

…Somedays it’s a wonderful life, and somedays lonely is busy doing what lonely does.

 

…I guess the joke’s on me again. I thought I was the same guy I’ve always been, but maybe a notch or two improved.

 

…Growing up, the walls were always too thin. Same thing with my skin.

 

…Brittany Howard’s Tiny Desk—now that’s something that brings me complete joy.

 

…This fucking virus. I know so many people who have it, and it was none of their fault.

 

…What, what? On Wednesday SeaTac had the most flight cancellations in the ENTIRE WORLD. 

 

…Once you live through a 5-day power outage, with two feet of snow, you’re never nervous driving in the snow ever again.

 

…I’m a little nervous about these New Year Resolutions of mine. How do you feel about yours?

 

…Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be…something?

 

…Ryan Reynolds is the celebrity I’d most like to have a beer and play shuffleboard with. He just passed Kristen Wiig and George Clooney in that regard.

 

…Have I told you lately how much I love Lucy?

 

…Last night I wrote about loneliness. It was maybe the saddest thing I’ve ever written. Good grief.

The dad of a person I worked with in the corporate world invented the epidural. His nickname was “The King of Pain,” which I always thought would be a great title. My nickname might be "The King of Darkness.”

 

…Must have been in a dream. I’m losing track of my thoughts.

 

…There’s something about shopping online that’s addictive. Knowing something’s coming, having something to look forward to, even if it’s only razor blades or fiber gummies.

 

…All of these famous people passing away in their 80’s has me wondering.

 

…It’s funny the things you remember, even just strips of conversations. Like I recall a guy from college who told me, “Kuntz, your problem is you think too much.” He had no idea what he was saying.

 

…Another year... Isn’t that the best thing ever, other than the birth of a child?

 

… Cried about you this morning on my break from the office, couldn’t steady my breathing. I keep my heart in my pocket.

 

…The real problem is all of the best songs are sad.

 

…But not this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_F3mLfP-yFs

 

…It’s the things you keep from saying to other people that are the hardest. They think you’re thinking this, when you’re not. They think you’re in one place, when you’re not at all. All I’ll say is that it requires a tremendous amount of willpower to maintain silence, and that it’s never best to assume anything.

 

…I love you 20 million and fifteen bucks.

 

…You and I, here right now, we’ve been through an awful lot together. I’m so grateful for that. You have no idea. Truly.

 

…Goodbye is the worst word I know, which is why I never say it, which is why I never will.