—OH MONDAY, IT'S SO MUNDANE, WHAT EXCITING THINGS WILL HAPPEN TODAY?

…I doubt I’m feeling any different than you are in these bizarre times…

I have a good day, I have a shitty day. I have a good day, I have a shitty day. Repeat.

Yesterday was one of the latter.

It started out fine, then veered sharply when my best friend shared that he had lost a good friend to the virus. Pretty much crushed me to know he’d be in that much pain.

I’ve always been pretty good at being sad, but now I’ve become something like the master of sadness. A PhD in grieving for everything, everyone and no one.

I’m well aware it’s nothing to proud of.

…But I don’t want to be sad today. I want to be light. I want to be creative and productively creative. I want you to be the same.

…So here are some comments from various friends on Facebook last week that made me smile, or even laugh:

-Started to make a Bloody Mary at 1:00.
Wondered if I should wait a few hours and decided no.
Wondered if I really needed the bloody part of the Mary and while deciding ended up drinking straight out of the gigantic plastic jug of Tito’s. I chased it with a spoonful of peanut butter dipped in shredded cheese. It was pretty gross. 

There will be plenty of collateral damage to hammer out when the sky clears. Until then, just eat and drink what you want.

-The good news is I have lost 20 pounds since the beginning of January and my ass is no longer the size of Brazil.

-Um, I just butt-dialed a coroner. The end times are here.

-I’m sorry, but it is fucked up that I should look this beautiful in a time of social distancing when no one can even worship me properly.

-Last night on my evening walk, I completely lost my mind because ahead of me was a white rabbit sitting upright, waiting for me on my path. I could not believe it. 

I took out my phone to take its photo. It didn't move, I wondered if it was an early Easter decoration, but it was too far down on the road and not in front of a home. 

I thought--it's frightened so it's staying still, take it slow. I walked up to it little by little, carefully, not to frighten it. Friends, I just spent a very slow ten minutes walking up to a plastic bag of dog poop. 

I'm not sure what social distancing is doing to you, but I'm apparently hallucinating white rabbits...

-Me: Heyyyy! 
Jada: Hi 
Me: Well hi to you too muhfucka. 
Jada: Are you drunk? 
Me: Yeah 
Jada’s homegirl: How did you know that?
Jada: Cuz he been like that since I was five. Now he gonna play some music for us.
Me: *already getting off the couch to get my CD book*

-FaceTimed with my grandma tonight. 

Grandma: You look like you’ve lost weight! 

Me: I have lost 45lbs but I still have 30 more pounds to go before I’m back to pre-baby status, still gotta find me a husband. *laughs*

Grandma: Be careful what you wish for...

-when I get rich Imma eat my fish sticks with white truffle aioli. And eliminate all tupperware from my life.

-My ears are still ringing. Can someone answer them?

-Black dude at work: “Man you really gonna make me fill out them Rona sheets? I ain’t been in contact with nobody but yo bougie ass. Can I write that on the sheet? ‘Been in contact with S_____ D____’s bougie ass’.”

-To whomever broke into my car last night, left unlocked (my bad) in a private parking lot outside our residence: you must have needed those 4 tampons, broken phone charger, 2009 Honda Fit car manual, and battered Rumi poetry collection more than me, so bless!