--AIN’T NOBODY GOTTA CRY TODAY

…I’ve never been so aware of time in my life.  I’ve also never run errands this fast in my life.

…Freedom, like most things, is relative.  When you lose it, that’s when you realize how much you take it for granted.

…I’ve had a lot of time to think about the ppl I miss.  Missing someone really sucks, but it’s a good reminder of how much they mean to you.

...That's my niece, Aniyah, up there.  She's cancer-free and sassy as ever.

…I had a good stretch of reading some amazing books.  Then I fell into a bad stretch of meh.  But I just finished reading The Handmaid’s Tale and On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, so things are looking up.  Next has been When Faith Fails, which so far, isn't helping a lot.

…Someone tagged my blog on LinkedIn, which was really nice of them.  Daily viewing has jumped astronomically.  Yikes.  All of a sudden, massive amounts of new people are reading these words.  Kind of makes me feel like I need to buck up, though here I am, babbling away again, hanging that laundry up, one dirty garment after the other.  

 …I talked to one of my best friends yesterday and we delved into the subject of envy.  It was really just a brief mention about the topic, but afterward, I sat down and wrote a lengthy piece about how easy (and natural) it is to covet what others are achieving when it seems like they haven’t worked half as hard, and maybe aren’t all that skilled to begin with.  I probably sounded like a whiny bitch.  I probably am a whiny bitch.  Somedays I am one, that’s for sure.

…I keep a record of the wreckage in my life.

  

…Perspective is necessary.  Otherwise things can start to feel like hallucinations, or make-believe, or sheer luck.

…Writing to you is like driving long distances.  It’s something I do without really thinking about it.  Not the words or the meaning behind the words, but the act.

…You view life a lot differently when you really allow yourself to see all the options, all of the opportunities.  Suddenly everything looks wide open, and that can feel a little scary.

…Nothing ever sounds the way you think it will.

…The amount of special moments a person gets in life is equal to the amount of special moments a person wishes to recognize, celebrate and grant themselves.

…What you don’t know won’t hurt you.  At least that’s what some ppl say.

…Why bash your head against the wall when someone else can easily do it for you?

…A good reminder: In reduced circumstances, it’s easy to believe anything.

…For every rule, there’s always an exception.  The tricky part is figuring out what kind of exception.

…Sometimes I have to make myself laugh or else I start crying.

…Speaking of crying, I haven’t done that in at least a week.  Does that mean I’m happier?  Or am I just getting better at shoving things under the bed?

…When I look in the mirror, I have the same face I have, and will always have, until I die.

…This morning I had breakfast at the local bakery.  I bit into my croissant sandwich and had one of those soap opera flashbacks.  Do you know what I mean?  In soaps, when they swing to a flashback, the scene goes black-and-white to signify you’re watching something from the past.  That’s the way it was this morning.  I was nine, sitting in the kitchen, at the small round table where I used to copy the Webster’s Dictionary, trying to improve my penmanship.  My mom was still alive.  She stood in front of the stove, apron on, a huge pot with something boiling in it, chest-high.  Sweat dripped off her face.  A cigarette dangled from her lower lip.  The room smelled like clay and potatoes.  My ankles wouldn't stop twitching.  It sounded like I had wasps in my ears.  Just as my mom swung her head around to say something, a little girl in the line in front of me shrieked and poof! the scene disappeared.

…I don’t think it’s a sign of weakness to have feelings, to let them get to you once in a while.  But you might think differently.

…You live with certain things before you understand them.  You can’t always take the analytical approach.

…Some things matter more to me than most people.  I’m not boasting, because I over-value a lot of the things I probably shouldn’t.  But I guess it’s like that Dawes’ lyric: I can’t help how I feel, I don’t think anyone can.

…Context helps, too, if you can find it.  If it makes any sense at all.

…The thought of forgetting anything about you is horrifying to me.

…If it’s only a story, no one gets seriously frightened or concerned.  That’s one of the good things about fiction.  It’s one of the main reasons I write it instead of non-fiction.

…I’m never gonna know you now, but I’m gonna love you anyhow…

…Where would be without flowers and bees and deer and children?  Where would we be?

…All I have to do is keep my mouth shut and look stupid, which shouldn’t be all that hard for a guy like me.

…I’ll save the blood and guts until Monday, if I can make it that far.  Patience…what a virtue.

…Thank you for being alive at the same time I am.  It’s helpful, even if you don’t realize it.