--I AM FEELING VERY SMALL  

Juvenile Delinquent

everyone else is passing me by

they don’t look but that’s okay

i don’t have anywhere else to go

that cop over there

that cop leaning against the meter

he’s sneering

the same way my mother did when I told her I took second

only this cop has a mustache

not a porn stache

but a bushy squirrel tail peppered with speeding tickets

he asks for ID

i ain’t got it

he wants an address

right here on this curb I say

he asks for a motivation

I tell him boredom

is a cruel bastard

and my old man was one too

he says get in the back of the squad car smart ass

i oblige him

it’s the fourth time in one week

different cop but similar car

no siren or anything

just a window seat

with a pretty good view

Probably Famous

maybe in ten years

you’ll find me or

I’ll find you

you might be sliding down a stripper pole

and I might be holding a benjamin between my teeth

perhaps you’ll become a billboard with a pepsodent smile

your grass-green eyes should be trademarked by now

everyone knows that those abs are off-the-charts ridiculous

anyway you were always more ambitious

bludgeoning cronies on a lark

taking two scoops instead of one

waving wax-on wax-off at the tickertape parade

after all the carnage

it’s insane to think about you

as much as I do

but hey

time’s a slippery bitch

even when you’re wearing boots

whatever city you landed in better hold its breath

call the bomb squad

alert the media

start a very thorough investigation

and fingerprint the witnesses

Suicide Announcement

someone told me

there’s nothing wrong with suicide

so long as you

give folks a head’s up first

sort of like sharing your virginity

with the boy from Holland who visits during summer

well maybe not like that exactly

maybe it’s more like yelling fire In a movie theater

or wearing a scarlet letter on your forehead

either way i’m putting you on notice

no i’m not killing myself

but i am about to murder your darlings

all those panties with the tags still on

all those love letters stashed in a shoe box

i’d like to get our apartment burned down by four

before traffic becomes a bitch

and just before your shift ends

that way we can listen to the sirens together

watch the sky light up

the way you and I never did

The Mayor of New York

a ways north of this dive pub

up on park ave

there’s a woman with a dutch boy haircut

and expensive cat-eyed sunglasses

that she wears

even when it’s dark out

her leather gloves smell like lilacs

sniff them if you don’t believe me

anyway this woman is really something

yeah man she’s a piece of work

the world’s her yo yo

someone should sculpt her likeness if they haven’t already

even without the titles

she’s prime minister and chancellor of this city

if you see

the woman I’m describing

you’ll know it at once

but she won’t bother noticing you

so here’s the favor I need

take a full breath

and yell

your son’s a gay cock-sucker

but god loves him anyway

shout loud and mean each word

make sure everyone else hears it too

Capital Punishment

we hide and seek

around facebook

and chat

while the rest of the world

has fingers

and wet lapping tongues

how strange and cruel

to lock our love inside a technological box

might as well get a hair cut

or be seated upright

ready and willing

in the

electric chair

Mad Man

for some reason

don draper notices me on the subway

maybe we’re both going uptown

perhaps we both have really big dicks

i tell don that he’s such a conniving shit

it’s hard to feel compassion

he asks if i’ve ever watched the show

do I know the half of it

what about the flashbacks

and the switching of the military dog tags

doesn’t that do anything for me

betty draper meets don at his stop

with her fat suit deflated

just a mold of ratty smelling manufactured plastic

and her resplendent anew

how fair is that I ask

it’s fucking tv don says

peggy looms in the background

rocking a tartan school girl uniform

with the skirt drawn high up to her thighs

cleavage spilling over

the top of a crisp white blouse

that’s it I think

my life is nothing but a television show

so much happens

yet I’m always a spectator

go on

go ahead

feed me another fantasy

i’m hungry

and eager as hell

Interloper

you were at my wedding

i know it

know it like I know promises are usually broken

you were in the back row

the last pew

your head bent

like a collegiate prior to their first hangover

yet you were saying all kinds of meaningful prayers

one must have been meant for me

because I felt it

shot like an arrow

slung at the exact moment of commitment

me becoming something

other than what I should have been

Paternity

oh hey hi

it’s me again

really I had no idea it was this late

come on don’t hang up

give me a sec

stop with the drama

why don’t you tuck the toddler in

and I’ll come by in an hour

how’s that

see when you talk to me that way is

when I get my dander up

a woman’s supposed to respect her man

yes you are you’re my girl

always will be no matter what

I don’t care about any restraining order

what a word restraining

like i’m some sort of pit bull

as if i’m dangerous

to hell with that it was one time

okay maybe a few others

but you know you can frustrate the hell out of me

you know it

say you’re sorry

say it

damn it say it

okay fine

if we’re going to play things that way

we’ll just see how the game ends

yes I am

i’m coming over

get all the police you can

but do it quick

have them bring shields and shit

because this is the last time

i’m taking your crap

go ahead

cry bawl

scream

whatever

i don’t believe you

you’re a liar

i’m a good person

yes i am

listen just shut the fuck up

or i’ll fuck  you up

hey you there

are you

shit

bitch

now you’ve done it

hung up on me again

all right bright eyes

here i come

oh yeah

with saddles blazing

you can hide your sweet ass

you can run

but baby

i’m sonar

and i’ll find you