—IT’S PRETTY HARD TO EXPLAIN

 

Superstitious

 

We had an earthquake baby 

though nothing rocked.

I took her from your thighs and 

swaddled her as the nurse instructed.

You looked bruised yet beautiful,

like a boxer never meant for the ring.

When I whispered her name,

a flock of doves flapped before landing

outside a windowsill that wasn’t there. 

Oh God, the moon it stood full-frontal, 

pregnant and blue like a bouncing 

ball she would have hopped on.

Her first word was a chuckle, a burst of 

air that sent the starlings abuzz.

I had no duty whatsoever, so I picked 

a leaf from a tree that wasn’t there 

in the hospital room. I kissed it twice, 

for luck, because two was supposed 

to be her favorite number.   

 

—OH, WE’RE IN TOUBLE, I SEE TROUBLE

 

…I apologize for my absence this week. I am not one to promise something (I post here every M, W, Friday without fail) and not deliver, but sometimes there’s nothing you can do, obstacles get in the way, and so what you try really hard to do is remind yourself: It could be a lot worse. So why worry about that?

 

…Easier said than done.

 

…I’d probably live a lot longer if I didn’t worry so much. 

 

…Why is it you cry more the older you get?

 

…“People harbor these angers for people they should love, and for what? Why?” Jenna Bush

 

…I met the FedEx person at the door and when she handed me my laptop, I almost hugged her. It felt like we’d just had a child together.   

 

…I think the word “Twit” starts with an L and not a T.

 

…So far it doesn’t hurt that much. Unless I consider that thing you said when you said it, though you said you didn’t mean it, though I know you really did.  

 

…I’d like to think I’m a fairly intelligent person, same as anyone else, right? But, well, there are a lot of nights you don’t know.

 

…Holy fuck, who does this? I’m guessing no one. Why would they if they’re sane?

 

…Was that a good decision? You’ll have to let me know tomorrow, please. 

 

…If you had as many bumps on your face as me, you’d definitely be running for the hills.

 

…It’s hard to be a fan and not be passionate. Otherwise, what’s the point of being a fan?

 

…If you can't pour a can of Diet Coke into a glass without spilling it all over the table, you’re probably in trouble.

 

…But if you can smell things like coffee, cologne and wine, and if you can sort of taste the food you’re eating, it’s probably worth the tradeoff.

 

…If I’m being perfectly honest, the answer is, no. I’m not okay a lot of the times.

 

…But I had the best hamburger of my life, the best toast of my life, and for fucking sure, the best chicken wings of my life last week, So, there’s that.

 

…Sparky, you really need to stop talking to me so much if you’re going to survive.

 

--Oh, Boy.

 

…Streetlights creep up through the blinds, and the ceiling I’m standing under isn’t even mine… 

 

…For a while there, I forgot what the rain sounded like.

 

…(…)

 

…Here I am again, splayed.

 

…It’s probably a really good thing I spend so much time alone.

 

…A day I don’t write is a bad day. I really can’t fathom not writing. 

 

….“It felt like shelter, to speak to you.” Emily Dickinson

 

--Again?

--Yep.

--You’re fucking kidding me, right?

--I wish I was.

--What a Chucklehead.

--I’m sorry.

--Stop fucking saying you’re sorry all the time. What are you even sorry for?

--I don’t know.

--See?

--Maybe I’m that guy?

--What guy? What guy are you talking about?

--The one you don’t wanna be.

--Bitch, shut the fuck up. You’re not that guy.

--Okay, if you say so.

 

…You should talk to someone. Just make sure it’s the right person.

 

…Oh, boy, this was a bad idea.

 

...1:27am is not a good time, or a good look, for anyone.

 

…“Seriously?”

 

…Yeah, just drop me off at the Circle-K. I’ll figure it out from there.

 

…Might be time for some (upbeat) music. What say you?

 

--Do you think I need a sleeping pill? A Unisom or something?

--Dude, look at you right now. You’re a trailer no one’s going to fix.

--I think you might be right about that.

 

---Good night now.

 

…You don’t even wanna know. Trust me.

 

—WELL, HOW ABOUT THAT MOVIE?

 

…Here’s something I find myself saying to myself a lot lately that I know you never do: Don’t be a dick.

 

…I don’t know if a Weather Whore is really a thing or not, but I actually do know one.

 

…I’m probably not the person you want to be talking to right now, though I’m usually a really nice person and a keen listener.

 

…People who can navigate this stuff and go about their day happily like it’s all good—well, I have an incredible amount of admiration for them. I’m not kidding.

 

--You’re in General.

--I’m sorry, what’s that?

--You shouldn’t be here, in this line. You’re not allowed.

--I’m sorry, but what do you mean?

--You don’t have TSA.

--Oh, yeah, No. actually, I do.

--You don’t.

--Yeah, I do. See, it says it right here on the screen, bottom left-hand corner of my phone. See that there? It says TSA Pre-Check.

--But it’s not valid.

--I‘m confused.

--Sir, there’s a line here.

--I know. I’ve been standing in it for 45 minutes.

--You need to step out.

--But what? Why? How is my ticket not valid if it’s printed right there?

--Step aside, Sir. 

--I’m not trying to make a fuss, honestly, but I just really don’t understand.

--Sir, the line.

--I know there's a line

--Sir.

--Again, I don't understand. Help me understand. You and I are looking at the exact same thing right now where it says I have TSA Pre-Check.

--You need to go talk to your airline about it.

--I’m right here. You have my I.D. You have my ticket. Can’t you just let me through? 

--Sir.

--But, I don't get it. I just told you, I’ve been waiting in line for 45 minutes. Can’t you just please look again? It’s right there.

--You have to go see your airline.

--Wait, come on, are you kidding me?

--You need to go see your airline.

--Are you Fucking kidding me right now?

--Sir, I am not kidding you.

 

...Oh, boy.

 

--So, your shoes, is there something inside them?

--Huh?

--We’re going to need you to step aside, over here, on that marker. Take off your shoes.

--Why? My shoes weigh less than half a pound. They’d probably float in a tub.

--Sir, over here. Stand right there and spread wide.

--Over here where, and why?

--Spread your legs.

--What? Why?

--I’m going to need to do a full groin and buttock examination of you. Are you okay with that?

--Actually, No. I’m not okay with that at all.

--Do you want me to call my superior? 

--Superior? What's that? What the hell are you talking about?

--Sir, do you want to be difficult, or do you want to spread your legs? 

--What?

--Do you understand English, Sir? 

--What?

--Spread your legs.

--This is crazy. Isn't this America?

--No, wider. Spread your legs wider. 

 

…Just because I’m struggling right now, doesn’t mean you have to struggle, too.

 

…I’m really bad at Head’s up. Shocker, I know.

 

…All I have left is a shower. It feels fulfilling, but also kind of like symbolism.

 

…Do I really have a “Bits 4” file? That’s, like, 700 pages of this kind of endless gibberish. 

 

…I think you forgot about me again. It’s okay though. I know you’re super busy.

 

…Who told you that?

 

…It’s okay. I’m all right. Don’t I look okay?

 

--You look like hell.

 

…But is it supposed to hurt like this?

 

…Here’s a really good idea—Go to Fucking bed.

 

…Green can mean a lot of things.

 

…A lot of times it depends where you’re at, what happened before, and what you’re expecting to happen next.

 

…It’s better if I lie, instead of telling you what I’m thinking. 

 

…Apparently there’s no heart monitor in the mail, so I guess I’m okay with that. Let’s just walk it out all the way home. What'd you say?

 

…Yeah, I know it’s stupid, but I just got to see it for myself.

 

…If you think Tylenol is bad for children, just wait until you find about guns.

 

…I’m all messed up. I’m so out of line.

 

…A lot of times, when I’m talking to one of my kids and they insert the label “Dad” into the conversation, I have to remind myself that I am one.

 

…If you can’t win, do your best to root for someone else.

 

…“Often, I write a poem as a way to hold on—and be able to return—to a feeling or experience that would otherwise slip past and away in the busyness of life. Like I once heard someone say, a poem is a way of stepping into the same river twice.” Matthew Thorburn

 

…There have been at least 324 mass shootings – defined as when at least four people are shot, not including the shooter – in the US as of September 29th this year, according to the Gun Violence Archive.

And yet. Mexico is dangerous.

 

…If you’re not going to show up, you should at least do the courteous thing and let me know.

 

…It’s hard to watch someone you love destroy their life and not be able to do anything about it.

 

…Dropping the word “complicated” into conversation as an answer to a question seems lazy and manipulative. Can’t you just spell things out?

 

…One of the problems is I’m a lot more fragile than you.

 

…Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to take care of yourself.

 

…Think I’ll play some music right now and fly away.

 

…Don’t be stupid. Keep it short.

 

…What am I dreaming about here? Maybe you could tell me.